Okay so I will try not to make this too long because I know that loses people so I will try to make a long story short.
Ever since I was a little girl my mom's been abusing prescription pain medication. I remember her popping bottles at a time and there was this cough syrup that she drank right from the bottle called Ornade. She mixed a lot and she often stole money from us as kids or bribed up by buying us toys with the baby bonus if she could get some of her drugs with it too. Of course, at the time we didnt really think much of it until we got a bit older. I would say 12 or 12 we really started to see that what she was doing was wrong, stealing from my dad, shoplifting with us with her and her being caught - It was a lot to go through as a kid.
I remember my dad taking us away for weeks on end up to my uncles cottage saying it was best for us to enjoy our summer without our mom until she got well. & I mean, she got well for maybe a month but she always went right back on them. Her sister died of kidney failure and was the exact same way. The always fed off eachother it seemed. My dad hated my aunt because everytime she was around my mom would get all buddy buddy with her and knew it was just my aunt enabling her.
The past 4 years have been rough though. My mom has been in and out of hospitals for kidney failure, high BP and just being overall unhealthy. She never heals from anything and has clotting problems. When anyone in the family gets sick we worry a lot because if she gets it we dont know if she will make it or not. Shes a very sick person and its obvious when you see her. She is 57 but everyone thinks she is in her late 80's, early 90's. Its sad really.
I try so hard to be some sort of motivation for her but she only drags me down and I am really beginning to hate her. I have always been the underdog in the family, I never excelled in school but when I got involved with a guy he helped me turn my life around
We broke up for reasons unimportant but I am still motivated but now I am living back home.
My mom is constantly down in the dumps and bitchy and just plain depressing. She never leaves the house and she is always stoned out of her mind. I could tell her the sky was falling and she would say "Really?" Its really bad and everyone knows its gotten worse but I am just so tired of it. I miss having a mother and she is gone. I have very little relationship with her because she isnt there. She doesnt hear me and understand what I say and if I try to explain it to her further she thinks I am calling her dumb. Its a ongoing cycle!!
I really just want to graduate school, get my house and take my dog and live happily ever after. Without her. I have 3 yrs of school left though and I hate it
I just want out. I have noone to talk to really cos my dads always working and everytime I try to talk to her about my goals she gets all depressed and says crap like "oh planning for the future is dumb because u could die, or its pointless to plan." I hate this because I love setting goals because they drive me. She just makes me feel stupid though.
Anyways, this definitley wasnt short:/ I appologize .... But thanks for reading
