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Old 03-05-2011, 12:25 AM   #1
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very confused , is it me ?

i have been going out with this girl for 1 yr and 3 months she is 33 and i am 42 .we both have a past and have had many previous partners.
she has had 3 previous serious relationships and many in between these relationships ,i also have had 3 serious relationships and many previous.
recently i discovered by accident that she has been pm on facebook
a guy from her past , i dont know if is is someone she has slept with or not( in her past)
but find it a bit strange she has not got him on her friends list on facebook !
so im thinking if it s all innocent then why has she not added him to her friend list? also she has his number in her cellphone, which just adds to my confusion .

i have just had a vasectomy reversal , as we are planning on having children
and we have just bought a house together , so what the hell is going on ?
am i just being paranoid ?

 
Old 03-05-2011, 03:44 AM   #2
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

You say you discovered it "by accident," but what was this accident? Or was it something you were already suspecting? A gut feeling?

I don't think you can go on living with this. You have to find a way of bringing it up with her, reassuring her that you were not spying on her.

 
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Old 03-05-2011, 04:41 AM   #3
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

when i say accidentally ,what happened was she left herself logged into fb and i dont know why ,
but i did look in her messages , i do not feel good about myself for doing this
as i think in a relationship you should be able to trust one and other right?
i would like nothing better than to get this out in the open ,
but dont know how to approach the subject .
we had a conversation the other day about talking to the opposite sex on fb
and i sais to her that i would not feel comfortable talking to the opposite sex on fb regard less of who it was , i was trying to lead her into telling me about this person she has been talking to, but all she said was whats the harm if it s someone you have not seen for yrs from school or someone you used to know when you used to go out etc... but no mention of any ex's.
so this person is not necissarily an ex it may well be just someone she used to know , but why is this person not on her fb friends , that is what makes it
so difficult. sometimes you are better off not knowing some things

 
Old 03-05-2011, 05:07 AM   #4
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

It's hard to say as you don't actually mention what was in those messages. Were they sexual in nature or totally innocent? How long had the messaging been going on? If he initiated the contact on the site she may have just been polite in replying without wanting to add him as a friend.

How do you know she has his number in his mobile, were you snooping in that also?

On the subject of trust, you were the one that broke that trust by snooping through her private things.

 
Old 03-05-2011, 06:33 AM   #5
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

i am rather embarrassed about snooping,
i love this girl , i want everything to work out between us .
but i think i may be very insecure . i do realise i have broken that trust.
should i just forget what i have seen , and put it down to it just being a friend of hers? there was no sexual content exchanged , but more like hows life treating you sort of thing ! i dont think anything is going on , but think something may have gone on before our relationship, even if something did happen before our relationship , should it even bother me?

i am so confused

 
Old 03-05-2011, 06:40 AM   #6
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

Well, now I have changed my mind.

If you really love this girl and want everything to work out and there was no sexual content in those emails, just let it go and don't let it bother you any longer.

 
Old 03-05-2011, 07:22 AM   #7
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

I think you should just let it go. If all they are doing is talking about mundane daily stuff, then who cares? She was probably friends with him back in school days and they were just catching up. It's just like she said when you asked her, what's the big deal when it's an old school friend to say, Hey, how've you been?

I do think you are insecure and at your age, you shouldn't be. You should have learned by now not to snoop through your partner's stuff and to trust her until she gives you reason not to. As far as I'm concerned, I don't see anything suspicious in what she has done at all.

And you still haven't answered the question about how you saw that he was in her phone. The fb thing you said she left logged in "accidentally". But how do you justify snooping through her phone?

 
Old 03-05-2011, 09:47 AM   #8
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

It appears that she has done nothing wrong, and snooping through her things is not good practice.

If you want to have a good relationship with her you have to trust her and not snoop through her things. If she found out it could damage your relationship.

Whether or not she had a thing with him in the past really shouldn't bother you. Let it go and trust her. The only other thing to do is to tell her what you saw and ask her about him, but that will only open up a whole different set of problems.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 03-05-2011 at 08:03 PM.

 
Old 03-05-2011, 10:24 AM   #9
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Re: very confused , is it me ?

i dont think shes doing anything. just sounds like a genuine chit chat. people who i used to know message my fb who i have not added but i just do general chat nothing more and my boyfriend trusts me a million %. i really think she is innocent here. shes with you and just enjoy your time together until she gives you reason to doubt her which she may never do. not all men and women are cheats. can you let it go and forget about it ?

 
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