It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-09-2011, 06:45 AM   #1
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seatlle, Washington
Posts: 153
waywardson HB Userwaywardson HB Userwaywardson HB Userwaywardson HB User
What happened to me, why am I such an anti-social?

In a way I have always been a bit anti-social. I have only ever socialized through the means of alcohol and partying. I have not had a good social circle since college...and was really the only time of my life where I was accepted and very well liked. In highschool I was fairly popular because I was good at sports and my older sister knew a lot of ppl who then I was cool with by association. IN college I made no effort to make any friends. I had a couple of guys who befriended me because they thought I was funny and made a lot of friends that way. Now I am on my own. For the last 2 yrs I have been extremely anti-social. Not really because I want to be...it is more along the long the lines of feeling like I dont 'click' or fit in with any groups or people.

The problem is when people invite me out to do stuff I inituially resist because it feels wierd and then people stop asking me because I seem 'standoffish'. I think the main thing is I have become too comfortable operating on my own. I just work, go to gym, chill at my place on the weekends...takeing up language...and traveling around the country. I do it all on my own and now I am so tired of it. I miss the days of haveing huge social circle and people calling me and a lot of girls being interested in me. I try now to meet girls on my own and have had some success, but I think I diff need to expand my social life to be able to get the kind of girl that I want. It seems to me that most ppl are just natuarlly more social than me. They seem to make friends very quickly and people just like them right away. For me it seems as if there are only a very few ppl I click with and then once I am comfortable with the group I expand out.

I am 28 now and I am scared that this the way my life path is heading. Just being a solo person who works hard and goes home to nothing...has nothing to look foward too on the weekend. I am working hard now to extend out to meet people..and it is difficult I just wish I had a different personality...because mine sucks. I can be fun and funny around the right people. But for most people they see me as 'quiet, reserverd, boring, standoffish'...etc. Well just a little rant I have to have the from time to time.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-09-2011, 09:19 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,712
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: What happend to me why am such an anti-social?

I'm positive that you should find a girl who is as "anti-social" as you are. Because you seem to be a type who may go out with others and do all kinds of stuff, but in the end you will always need a few hours by yourself and for yourself alone. That's just the way you are, and I don't think there's nothing wrong with that.

 
Old 03-09-2011, 07:52 PM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Buffalo, NY, USA
Posts: 1
ThinkerWhale HB User
Re: What happend to me why am such an anti-social?

Do you want the answer that will help you?

Simply seek out the D.I.S.C. system of personalities. There are 4 types and you fit into the same one as I do - possibly. I had the same exact "problem" until I read and learned about the D.I.S.C. system and realized that I'm just fine, it's who I am. You'll find that you are actually in a great category out of the four - thinker/accessor.

You have two sides to your personality, inner self (How you really are inside/thinking) and external self (what we all see you to be) Learn what you are and then try to find the description (4 for each of the 4 personalities) and it will describe you to a "T". We all fit into one of the 16 categories. You're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you!

 
Old 03-09-2011, 08:27 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,002
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: What happend to me why am such an anti-social?

As we get older, friendships start to slowly get more distant and by the time you reach 30, you're lucky if you can count your "true" friends on one hand. It's an inevitable thing that happens, moreso to those of us who remain single while many of our friends get married, have kids, and start spending more time with other couples who have friends. It totally sucks, but it's the most common thing that happens.

I think you said in a previous post that you're in Germany right now. How long are you going to be out there! When do you think you will be heading back to the US? Is there any chance you could get a dog? I mean, they provide great companionship and you always meet people while out walking the dog. I'm a cat person myself, because with my travel schedule, it's just easier. But I think for single people, a dog is a great companion and offers a really good chance for meeting people. Of course you would need to commit to taking it with you when you leave Germany to come back to the States.

If that isn't possible, then you should just continue seeking out the things you enjoy doing because eventually you are bound to meet people with similar interests who could become new friends. It's all about finding people who share interests so you have a common ground on which to build a friendship.

 
Old 03-10-2011, 05:12 AM   #5
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 434
caberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB Usercaberg HB User
Re: What happend to me why am such an anti-social?

Partially, I think it's just part of growing up. I can relate to a lot of what you say, because in college I had a great group of friends and we hung out daily. It never took any effort to be social, it just happened. We were always doing stuff--weekend trips, concerts, skiing, hiking... (and lots of partying, of course). After college, I moved across country with three of my closest college friends and we all rented a house together, and the party continued, so to speak. But eventually, by mid 20s, we all went in our own directions and I definitely miss those days some times.

I feel very fortunate to have met my wonderful wife, and now we have a little boy who takes up the majority of our time. But, I still find myself reminiscing about "the good 'ol days." I think you're in that transitional period, ready to take the step to the next phase of your life, and you're caught in a spot where you can still look backwards and see what you're leaving behind, but not quite sure what the future holds. Keep active, work hard, get out and do stuff, and good things will happen for you.

 
Old 03-10-2011, 09:09 AM   #6
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seatlle, Washington
Posts: 153
waywardson HB Userwaywardson HB Userwaywardson HB Userwaywardson HB User
Re: What happened to me, why am I such an anti-social?

thanks for the replies

Last edited by waywardson; 03-11-2011 at 06:23 AM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I don't know what to do.. djl Relationship Health 6 09-16-2009 02:23 PM
what would U think?? neonrainbow Relationship Health 5 10-22-2008 01:30 PM
Dont Know What To Make Of This Girl (PLEASE HELP) OpenMind Relationship Health 6 01-02-2007 09:58 PM
breakup? what to do? apple_juice Relationship Health 50 11-22-2006 04:30 PM
What can i do? tinklestar10 Relationship Health 4 08-04-2006 01:11 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:24 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!