So my relationship is 1 year and change long. He's loving, caring and never cheated on me. When I'm with him, I have doubts. He says everyone has doubts every now and then. When I'm away from him, I miss my best friend. I feel like I should be there for his family. At the same time, I know I need my distance. I have difficulty creating boundaries and am very nice. We still talk every day, even though I broke up with him. Not the first time we broke up, each time we makeup. I start to miss him, get weak and that's that. My gut is telling me to forget it...However, we are so involved in each other that I'm having a hard time tearing away. So used to seeing him every day, that it just seems like the natural thing to be with him. HALP! Thanks, guys.
You've said you're used to being with him, you miss him, you try to get away and then you "get weak" and go back. But nowhere in your post do you say you love him. Maybe you think that goes without saying, but seems to me, that's a rather curious thing to not say, that you love him or that you're still in love with him, etc. etc. etc. It sounds like it's a "close but no cigar" kind of situation. Maybe you're scared that if you leave, you'll never find someone else that "comes as close" as he does? And I'm not sure it's true that everyone has doubts sometimes. I think maybe your gut is trying to tell you something, and you just don't want to listen. My advice, start listening, really listening.
The Following User Says Thank You to Larrylou'smom For This Useful Post: breakupmakeup (03-10-2011)
You truly bring up some amazing points. I won't lie, it was hard for me to read, but I think that is because you came so close to home. I've always had an easy time to walk away, but this time it's harder. I'm going to just distance myself some more and focus on myself. You are right, I need to trust my gut and start listening to myself. I will do my best...Thank you for your advice.
Thank you for taking the time to ask those important questions. The weird thing is that nothing of significance is happening! (AH!). He didn't do anything wrong, so it's not like I have anything to go by. I don't think it is that I'm afraid...I think the doubts come in with little annoying habits he does. He also insists on having dinner with his mother and me once or twice every week. I get along with her, but can anyone say "Mama's Boy"? Lastly, I feel like I take care of him a lot- clean up after him, etc. People close to me say that I will be taking care of him for the rest of my life, not the other way around. Not one of my friends likes him. They say he's out there, they can take him or leave him, etc. What they say hurts, and it effects me. I know it doesn't matter what people say, but I can't help it- this effects me because they are people that know me very well and want what's best for me. Sorry if I'm going on and on....just so lost right now...Thank you for being there.
well i think you made the right decision even though its hard. he doesnt seem like your type of guy. maybe hes not grown up enough for you or man enough. i think your doing good by focusing on yourself. hope it all goes well. dont go back because of guilt or because you miss him because later on you may end it again. be strong.
Update- we broke up. I stood firm and am following what I believe is true. He gave me a dozen roses, I gave him his stuff. We just had a friendly lunch then parted our ways. I think we need space to heal, so told him that. We both said miss you love you. I love him as a friend, but not as anything romantic..So I feel I did the right thing. What do you think?
Thank you so much, crying forever! Things good here, haven't had him spend the night in over a week. He's getting the hint. HAd a walk, lunch and talk with him all in summary. Explained I love him as a friend but not romantically...just that I LOST my feelings..there's no more doubts, I'm certain. IT SUCKS to hurt someone, but I can't lie anymore. We're now apart.