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Old 03-11-2011, 12:25 PM   #1
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Hurt

Ok so from my previous threads i mentioned i was insecure and it caused alot of frustration in our relationship. These insecuritys have been gone a while now. My boyfriend said to our mutual friend last night how he was ''very proud'' of me for changing my ways. Then this morning around 8am the computer was doing wierd things so i went to turn it off and he snapped at me about the computer switch. i didnt like his attitude so i snapped back. i went to bed as i was ill and woke up around 4pm. now he is saying that he is having the weekend off, says no cuddles or love for 2 days. i am really hurt how he could be so cruel. he says he is blanking me for 2 days. i tried talking to him saying how can he got from been proud and happy , to hating me and wanting nothing todo with me for the weekend over something he started (snapping at me over the computer switch). we live together. cant go out anywhere as i am ill. so...basically hes treating me like i dont exist for 2 days. nice hey. not. im angry and hurt. i even burst into tears and he knew i was in tears and didnt even speak to me. when i ask him something or talk to him about ANYTHING he says ''ill talk to you in 2 days''. his kids and his friend is here and its hard as everyone knows hes avoiding me so i am sat on the computer been quiet. crying as i type this. hes stood in the kitchen with his friend talking about his friend job.

 
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Old 03-11-2011, 01:34 PM   #2
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Re: Hurt

oh so he's punishing you for being a bad girl, when he was just so "proud of" you.....makes me want to puke.....
do you see how condescending he is being to you?
do you see how manipulating he is?
find something else to do for those 2 days and ignore him
better yet.....in those 2 days you're being ignored, pack your stuff and move, and when he tries to talk to you, put your finger to your lips and tell him....shhhh not for 2 days

 
Old 03-11-2011, 02:02 PM   #3
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Re: Hurt

hes been very childish. he only speaks to me when he wants to. he said to me about 2 minutes ago ''whos that ugly person''...was a picture on the internet that i was looking at. he was also going to the garage with his friends and i asked him nicely to get me some chocolate. i passed him the money. he came back and claimed he ''forgot''. what aload of crap. hes punishing me and claiming hes not. says he needs a break. yeah right. he started the mini argument this morning. grrrrr so frustrated and hurt. from proud to hate within a few hours. pathetic.

 
Old 03-11-2011, 03:18 PM   #4
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Re: Hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
hes been very childish. he only speaks to me when he wants to. he said to me about 2 minutes ago ''whos that ugly person''...was a picture on the internet that i was looking at. he was also going to the garage with his friends and i asked him nicely to get me some chocolate. i passed him the money. he came back and claimed he ''forgot''. what aload of crap. hes punishing me and claiming hes not. says he needs a break. yeah right. he started the mini argument this morning. grrrrr so frustrated and hurt. from proud to hate within a few hours. pathetic.
I cannot tell you want to do and it is your decision. It sounds like he is like a child. I don't know your or his age group, but if he is like this on and off, I suggest you find a new one and break it up for now to cool it off. It is up to you. It is like roller coaster. There are better guys out there who are not emotional and they are more stable.

Good luck,
NC

 
Old 03-11-2011, 03:29 PM   #5
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Re: Hurt

It's just more of the same. Things haven't changed at all since you first came here. He is still treating you just as badly as he has been all along. At what point will you finally decide that you've had enough of being treated this way? There is no reason why you can't just move out, get your own place, make him work toward being with you again. Otherwise he is totally not worth it anymore.

And if you're asking whether he is wrong or if he is being unfair, then YES!! He is in the wrong, once again, as he always is, and the way he treats you is very, very wrong. That's why I urge you once again to pack up your stuff and leave.

 
Old 03-11-2011, 05:42 PM   #6
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Re: Hurt

i am a strong 24 year old girl i can get through this , i have come through many horrific things in my life and i have the strength to deal with this. at the moment i am no longer hurt. i am more thinking well do whatever you wanna do. i am not sitting letting him ruin my weekend. im not going to give him that power to bring me down. i am focusing now on my self . i am saving for college and i am biting my tongue and thinking of myself now. he can go do wateva he wants. not bothered anymore. he wont bring me down , no way am i going to let another man or person bring me down.

GIRL POWER.

 
Old 03-11-2011, 07:43 PM   #7
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Re: Hurt

So what is going on with all the changes you planned? How is school, what about the new place (your own) that you talked about getting? How about your plans to get out more and do something other than stay home all the time, you had a lot of plans...what happened with those?

 
Old 03-11-2011, 09:00 PM   #8
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Re: Hurt

some money issues meant i couldnt pay for college. but now i am re-saving and within about 2 week or so i will have enough money YAY lol. as for the new home , i didnt take it. me and boyfriend sorted things but obviously its took a pretty crap turn today. however, i went on my day as if i am getting on with things and then we just looked at eachother then both moved at same time and hugged. he apologised. i told him i am willing to try again (i love him so much and 90% of the time we get on, but we didnt used to because of my insecuritys behaviour i put him through alot and he didnt deserve it as hes never shown me anything suspicious)...but i told him i will not tolerate been made to feel like i dont exist and be ignored for days. i explained how it hurt me alot and he apologised. oh and i am still looking for a new place, ones actually come up recently , i still think we should live apart so we get space and also to concerntrate on going to college etc...i could be waiting upto 4 months to get my new place but its DEFINATELY happening. i am so excited its a beautiful place. i was getting out and about but sadly i fell ill. nothing serious im recovering so ill be back out soon i went to a party a couple weeks ago to meet up with my friends who i'd not seen for ages it was lovely. also had a girly night but my friends was busy tonight so i was stuck in.

 
Old 03-12-2011, 09:15 AM   #9
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Re: Hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
Ok so from my previous threads i mentioned i was insecure and it caused alot of frustration in our relationship. These insecuritys have been gone a while now. My boyfriend said to our mutual friend last night how he was ''very proud'' of me for changing my ways. Then this morning around 8am the computer was doing wierd things so i went to turn it off and he snapped at me about the computer switch. i didnt like his attitude so i snapped back. i went to bed as i was ill and woke up around 4pm. now he is saying that he is having the weekend off, says no cuddles or love for 2 days. i am really hurt how he could be so cruel. he says he is blanking me for 2 days. i tried talking to him saying how can he got from been proud and happy , to hating me and wanting nothing todo with me for the weekend over something he started (snapping at me over the computer switch). we live together. cant go out anywhere as i am ill. so...basically hes treating me like i dont exist for 2 days. nice hey. not. im angry and hurt. i even burst into tears and he knew i was in tears and didnt even speak to me. when i ask him something or talk to him about ANYTHING he says ''ill talk to you in 2 days''. his kids and his friend is here and its hard as everyone knows hes avoiding me so i am sat on the computer been quiet. crying as i type this. hes stood in the kitchen with his friend talking about his friend job.


You are not a child or a domestic animal to be praised or punished for your behavior, as your "keeper" sees fit.

However, if you choose to accept and respond to such condescending treatment, then he has every right to continue to dish it out.
When you're ready to be a grown-up, leave him.

Best of luck.

 
Old 03-12-2011, 10:16 AM   #10
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Re: Hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kali333 View Post
You are not a child or a domestic animal to be praised or punished for your behavior, as your "keeper" sees fit.

However, if you choose to accept and respond to such condescending treatment, then he has every right to continue to dish it out.
When you're ready to be a grown-up, leave him.

Best of luck.
I have to say I agree with this. These are the same old issues, over and over. You two "get along fantastically" for a while, then he decides he needs to ignore you for a few days because he's tired of you and annoyed by you. You cry, he apologizes, you two hug, and you are pacified for a while...until he does it again.

You do realize that he is going to do it again and again...and again.

When you change nothing, nothing changes...just look at the pattern and realize that this is your life for the next 40-50 years...unless you make some REAL changes. And when you do make healthy changes, you may realize that this pattern just doesn't work for you anymore.

 
Old 03-12-2011, 10:55 AM   #11
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Re: Hurt

Same problems, same advice.

You need to find out who you are, and that needs to be done alone. Until you find yourself, you will never have anything to offer to a relationship, and none will work...especially with a "man" with big problems of his own. Allowing him to dictate your goodness or badness is giving him way to much power.

The relationship you are in is not helping either of you, and will leave both of you in a worse position than you already are. The time is being wasted.

 
Old 03-12-2011, 11:05 AM   #12
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Re: Hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Same problems, same advice.

You need to find out who you are, and that needs to be done alone. Until you find yourself, you will never have anything to offer to a relationship, and none will work...especially with a "man" with big problems of his own. Allowing him to dictate your goodness or badness is giving him way to much power.

The relationship you are in is not helping either of you, and will leave both of you in a worse position than you already are. The time is being wasted.
Exactly.

You have 3 or 4 weeks of "getting along fantastically", then you post about him doing the EXACT SAME THING, then you defend the relationship by saying he apologized because you cried and things are fine now, then another couple of weeks of "getting along fantastically"...repeat and repeat again.

Can you see this?

Again, if you change nothing, nothing changes. And if you decide to accept less than what you deserve as a decent human being, then that's what you will get.

 
Old 03-12-2011, 04:54 PM   #13
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Re: Hurt

You're giving him all the power he needs, he treats you as though you are an animal that needs to be set straight when he sees fit. You're bad so he punishes you, he then re-establishes his power over you. You give in to his behavior by showing your love and devotion to him and he then rewards you for for it.

It's a lot easier to think of all the good times you have together because that's what you want to think about. No one wants to think of the bad times that they have had with a loved one, but if the bad times have surpassed the good times in how often they occur then it may be time to move on. This is something that i have just recently done, and although it is difficult to be without the one I love in the end I know its what's best for me. Someday you may come to the same conclusion.

Last edited by robj118; 03-12-2011 at 04:55 PM.

 
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Old 03-12-2011, 05:01 PM   #14
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Re: Hurt

That was well put Robi.

Crying forever,
It is you that is allowing him to rule the roost, so to speak. He should be the one apologizing to you.

 
Old 03-14-2011, 02:24 AM   #15
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Re: Hurt

his plan to be in power did not work as i went about my day not bothered in the slightest. wasnt going to give him the satisfaction. so then he apologised. yeah we have a pattern of ups and downs but usually its my behaviour that causes this. thats why i am in therapy because of it and my behaviour is sooooo much better its pretty much gone. i know you's people will think its him usually but seriously before it was 'mostly' all me. he would just be an a$$ sometimes (like this time over the ignoring me for weekend). i know who i am , i know what i want i just had severe trust issues because of a diffacult past but i am strong and went to therapy and i have got through it and no longer have trust issues. now i suppose we have 'petty' arguments and him doing the silly ignoring thing but it didnt last few hours latr he apologised and we have had a good weekend. from what i can see, we had issues because of me (trust issues etc)...now we just have petty ups and downs like anyone else. im not going to leave him. and no point in leaving someone just over silly ups and downs thats not even worth splitting up over. yeah he made the plan to ignore me all weekend but he realised it was stupid, thought about my feelings and apologised. i can't knock him for that. like i say usually its me thats put him through alot.

 
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