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Old 03-13-2011, 05:06 PM   #1
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Cheat but im still with him?

this is my first post, only just joined
basically, i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and it has been the best time of my life, we do everything together, and we are really good friends as well as being in a relationship.
the cheating happened just before our 2 year anniversary, he was having an affair with a good friend of mine. whilst this was going on, i went out with my friend and it seemed like nothing was wrong however she then started being bitchy, dropping little hints etc, and then i confronted my boyfriend about it, and he denied the whole thing, and because i was so in love with him i told myself it was my friend being jealous and she was lying, however deep down i knew it was going on i just didnt want to admit it. shortly after it was eating me up inside and i dumped him, but only a couple of weeks later i took him back because i love him. my boyfriend still hasnt spoke to me about it and everytime i ask him about it he gets mad and says just forget it and wont talk to me, and to this day i think about it all the time, and it gets me upset and makes me question why im still with him.
its hard because i dont want to talk to him about it, because im worried about the pain ill get when i do, knowing exactly went on and the details would just kill me, but i think its the not knowing of it all thats constantly ******* me off
i dont want to split up with him but i always question why im with a liar and a cheat
help!

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 
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Old 03-13-2011, 05:09 PM   #2
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Re: Cheat but im still with him?

My husband cheated on me a long time ago, but I'm still with him.
I think a lot more husbands do this than anyone will ever know, especially when they're young.
Sometimes, it's just not worth the upheaval it would cause to your life and your children's lives if you left.
Sometimes, it's better just to forgive them, and see if you can't mend the relationship.
I did, and he's given me no cause to regret it.
The cheating incident doesn't bother me anymore- it was so trivial, and so long ago.

Last edited by Kali333; 03-13-2011 at 05:09 PM.

 
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Old 03-13-2011, 06:13 PM   #3
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Re: Cheat but im still with him?

I think a relationship can survive infidelity IF both parties are ready, willing and able to face it, the party who cheated is able to take responsibility for it, show remorse for it, and do what's necessary to rebuilt the trust. But it sounds like you don't even know for sure if he cheated. Sounds like you have a strong gut feeling, but he never admitted to it. I think if you're going to put this behind you, he needs to talk about it, admit it, take responsibility for it and tell you that it's over and will never happen again. If you never get that from him, I think it will be really hard for you to put this in the past.

 
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Old 03-14-2011, 01:31 PM   #4
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Re: Cheat but im still with him?

Well are you two really compatible? Can you get past this thing? Usually the best friend is more hurtful if she is the third person. It is only up to you.
I certainly think sometimes a marriage or relationship can survive if the infidelity is not major - say it is just play thing at the moment and etc.
However you need to look at the character as well. Does he really respect his girlfriend? Does he think it is OK to play with girls and be a playboy? You need to see what he is really first to decide what to do.
It hurts, I am sure. Some people go ahead leave the partner. My husband's colleague left her partner after he had an affair. She felt really hurt as they have 3 kids. So it is personal.

Good luck,
NC

 
Old 04-15-2011, 03:10 PM   #5
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Re: Cheat but im still with him?

My opinion is that you are with him because this experience has already left you scared and feeling worthless, maybe you are even questioning what you did wrong in the relationship (you may even be staying with him for some misguided need to prove that you can)... which is all nonsense. Know this, when people cheat they are not aiming to hurt the people that they are with, they are just acting out their urges because they are weak. Some people (men and woman) are closer to their primative ancestors and are driven by the biological urge to mate so when the conditions are correct they fall into the trap. The problem is that by the time they return to their senses the damage is already done. Trust me though, once they learn to live with their own guilt, it becomes a lot easier to commit these indescretions in future.
The hurt you are feeling will not get better even if you know what happened (and you probibly already do).
You need to really look at yourself and establish why you are staying with him and accept that this behaviour may be who he is and if it is then you have to choose to accept it and be happy or find happiness where you can.

 
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