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Old 03-17-2011, 12:36 PM   #1
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Walked Right By.....

Today was interesting, I have an earlier post about how much I miss my ex-fiance', it says girlfriend. Not sure why I wrote girlfriend, but anyway to the point of this new thread that I'm starting. Im just kind of curious on peoples thoughts about this.


As some of you who read this may know, I was with my ex-fiance' for 4.5 years. We lived together and we go to college together but I don't have any classes with her and our majors are completely different. She doesnt even really have any classes at the college as all of her school work is clinical and off campus because she's a nursing major. Me, I'm a psychology major which causes me to look into things a little too deeply sometimes. We had one break-up prior to this current one and it was bad, really bad and she was the one that left me. After about three months she came back and asked me if I would take her back, me believing in second chance I gave her one. We were back together for just over a year and were re-engaged when I decided to call it off once again, so I left her and I really miss her.



Well, today I was in the library printing out some papers for my class that I was just about to head out to. On my way out of the library while walking down the hall I saw someone who looked familiar from behind and was thinking "no way, she shouldnt be at the school right now". She turned around and it was my ex-fiance', we made very, very brief eye contact while walking towards each other and as she was walked by she looked away and acted like I wasn't even there. I looked at her and just smiled as a friendly gesture, but got nothing from her. Any idea what is up with that? why not just say "hi" and continue walking, why be immature like that?

Does she have a right to be mad at me, yes, afterall I did break up with her. But it was not a bad break-up at all. No huge fight, no one was thrown out. Our break-up felt more like it was a mutual agreement than anything, I dont get why she has to be so immature.

 
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Old 03-17-2011, 01:18 PM   #2
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Re: Walked Right By.....

I think it's because when a breakup happens, it's easier just to cut all contact and not talk to the person at all. I don't think she was being immature, I think she was just trying to save herself from getting involved in a conversation. People who break up and think they can still be friends when there are still feelings there are deluded. It's impossible to move on when there is still contact going on. I think she handled it the way I would have, under the circumstances. She did the right thing because I'm sure she felt like it would be too hard to not get into a long conversation if she said hi.

 
Old 03-17-2011, 03:34 PM   #3
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Re: Walked Right By.....

I don't think it was immaturity necessarily, just perhaps her wanting to move on. I agree that exes can't stay friends, or even on friendly terms, especially when there are still feelings involved. Chances are, even though the break up didn't involve yelling and screaming and throwing of things, she was probably hurt. I ran into my ex once, and felt no need to speak to him or even say "hi." Of course in my case, he was with his new woman who later became his wife. But I realised that he was never really a friend of mine. He was just some guy who was bored and horny and a real good liar, and a big mistake I made, so there really isn't anything to say to him. I'm not saying this is what she feels about you, but a clean break is usually best in order for both parties to get on with things. I know it's hard to go from being lovers and best friends to being someone you don't even speak to anymore, but sometimes that's best.

 
Old 03-17-2011, 04:02 PM   #4
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Re: Walked Right By.....

It might be better not to try to engage her (eye contact, polite smiles, etc) if you encounter her in public in the future.
Her response was not "immature", it was honest. She has no desire to smile at you. You recently broke up with her.
You should probably just do your best to avoid her, and if it's unavoidable that you encounter her in public, just ignore her. Blank face, no eye contact.

That's my way of dealing with such awkward situations.

 
Old 03-17-2011, 05:09 PM   #5
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Re: Walked Right By.....

I think that your expecting her to say "hi" is a bit unreasonable, since you didn't say anything yourself. If she had seen your smile, which I don't think she did because she looked away, she might have nodded or smiled back. But social rules seems to fall apart here because it was a recent break-up and then again the break-up of an engagement. You are entitled to judge her immature, for judgements are always subjective, but think it over again: it was an awkward moment and she did what most people would have done. Probably she thought it was immature of you to look at her, let alone to smile at her (had she seen it). Yes, you are better off avoiding even looking at her next time around.

Last edited by pendulum; 03-17-2011 at 05:12 PM.

 
Old 03-17-2011, 05:09 PM   #6
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Re: Walked Right By.....

Alright, thats all I needed to hear. I mean, we were together 4.5 years so this whole breakup and seeing each other out and about is kind of new grounds for me. This is the first time since high school that I have dated someone and then had a breakup where there was a REAL possibility of running into them. Plus I have never dated anyone that has gone that far as to being engaged, normally my relationships lasted a few months or so, so there was never any real feelings of attachment to other ex's like this one. This was just a chance run-in, we have never seen each other on campus this semester before today, even when we were together when the semester started. Normally, I would not have been in the library at that time, I was only there to print a paper before class started. Looks like I will be making sure I'm not down there again at that time of day just in case.

Sounds like she's making the right steps to moving on with her life.........as should I, you probably won't be hearing from me anymore on this site. Even though I feel this site has helped with getting feelings out, and getting an unbiased opinion, I feel that it's only making me think more deeply about things rather than just letting them go.

 
Old 03-18-2011, 04:31 AM   #7
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Re: Walked Right By.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by robj118 View Post
....

Sounds like she's making the right steps to moving on with her life.........as should I, you probably won't be hearing from me anymore on this site. Even though I feel this site has helped with getting feelings out, and getting an unbiased opinion, I feel that it's only making me think more deeply about things rather than just letting them go.
Okay, it's up to you, anyway. Though I have to admit that it always makes me a bit sad to hear someone is leaving the group. You know, you don't belong to the group just to post your questions, but also to give your feedback. And I think you could be helpful with your feedback. By the way, there are not too many males on here.

I think you are making the right decision: to move on with your life, just the way she is apparently doing.

But here's one thing I don't quite understand. Maybe it's only me. I know that too much thought can prevent you from letting things go, but sooner or later you'll need to think things over again, it's foolish to sweep them under the carpet, for you can make the same mistakes again. They will be haunting you anyway. I think a better strategy is doing both things in sequence: thinking a little and then letting it go.

But again it's up to you.

Good luck!

 
Old 03-18-2011, 08:54 AM   #8
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Re: Walked Right By.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by robj118 View Post
why not just say "hi" and continue walking,
What's the difference? "Hi" no "hi" does it really matter?

From a very non-psychology background, people often don't know how to react in a sudden awkward situation. She literally had seconds to decide how or what to do, likely couldn't think that fast as emotions came rushing back and clouded her thinking, and then the moment was over.

But, seriously, let it go. It's over, right?

 
Old 03-18-2011, 12:14 PM   #9
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Re: Walked Right By.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by caberg View Post
What's the difference? "Hi" no "hi" does it really matter?

From a very non-psychology background, people often don't know how to react in a sudden awkward situation. She literally had seconds to decide how or what to do, likely couldn't think that fast as emotions came rushing back and clouded her thinking, and then the moment was over.

But, seriously, let it go. It's over, right?
Why point out something that I have already taken acknowledgement of in a previous post?

If you have read my last post, I pointed out that I now realize that she's making the right steps towards moving on as should I.....ie; the next time there is incidental contact it will be as if she was just another girl walking the halls. Please read previous posts before posting, thanks

edit: Pendulum, good point. I may have to just stick around, I kind of do enjoy reading through the topics here and there. Even though I havent had much more to add to conversations

Last edited by robj118; 03-18-2011 at 12:17 PM.

 
Old 03-22-2011, 08:57 PM   #10
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Re: Walked Right By.....

It's probably hard for her to see you anymore. Like someone mentioned earlier, it's easier just to cut off all contact and maybe this was the only way she felt like she could deal with it.

 
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