What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
It's obvious my gf of 2 years is not happy. She puts on a happy face all the time, but when she writes on her public blog, she writes about her internal pain, and trying to not think about something. To me, she dumps all her negative thoughts on the blog, as a way of relief. She doesn't want to burden other people with her problems. The more I read these entries, the more I get concerned. Speaking to her, it is apparent she doesn't want to talk about it. I don't want to give her mire pressure than she already had, and I don't want her to stop writing on her blog if this is her way of relief. Do I really just sit there and let it go on? Should I really not do anything?
Re: What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
Is it possible it's all just drama for attention? I'm not accusing....just wondering. Normally people, all people, once they trust somebody will open up about it. And if it's one of those horrible horrific things that they cant talk about, they normally dont go posting it on a blog. At any rate, let's say she is an excetion to the rule. I would question being with somebody that cannot open up to you. It's not healthy for you to worry about her all day every day. Especially if you have been with her long enough to develop a sense of trust with her. At some point, she either needs to take advantage of the big shiny ball that's in her court, or throw it back so you can play somewhere else. I love metaphores!
Re: What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
If she can't talk to you face to face, ask her if she can email you and discuss these things with you.
Then email her back. Etc.
Me and my husband had a note-writing thing going on for awhile, when we were going through a difficult patch.
I was surprised by how much more openly we were able to communicate in writing than face-to-face. The note writing eventually led us to have better verbal communication, also (of course that was years ago; now we've slacked off again and barely talk... )
Re: What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cookoo
It's all vague, so I don't know what it is. I figure she doesn't want me to feel the burden of her problems. Being optimistic here.
Maybe she is faking it all, maybe her goal is to become a writer, so the blog is just a way for her to train herself, if you see what I mean. Maybe there is really some internal pain, but she is overdoing it so it becomes reading stuff. What do we know?
But I know how you feel. You probably want to be part of her life, so it's natural for you to expect her to share with you. Hopefully she will open up to you little by little. That happened to me too. My wife only shared with me some of her deepest issues many years into our marriage.
PS. To Kali: My wife and I wrote letters, love letters to be sure. We spent about two years doing it before marrying. There were no emails at that time. Now we still talk, but there is not so much romance in it.
Re: What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
Some people never manage to open up about their problems, even to those closest to them. You've tried getting her to talk about it and it's clear she doesn't want to. Trying to make her talk when she's not ready is only likely to make things worse.
She's probably using the blog as a way of letting it all out without having to actually talk to someone about it.
All you can really do is let her know that if she ever wants to talk that you are there for her.
Re: What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
I agree with Kali's suggestion. I'm the type of person who keeps their thoughts and feelings inside. I don't openly talk to anyone about them, including my wife. However, I'm more willing and open to communicating via letter, email, text, etc. Not sure why but it's worked for me for year. My wife and I will do that on occassion be it a "love/erotic" type thing or to discuss or work through a little spat we may be having. My ex-wife didn't like that and would try to force me to "talk" to her. My current wife knows this is how I prefer to do things and am more comfortable with it. Consider asking your g/f if she would like to "email" about it.
Re: What do you do when someone doesn't talk about their problems?
I think it depends are what her problems are. I don't blog, but I keep a journal. When something upsets me, then I write about it in my journal and I end up feeling better. However, I am a very sensitive person and am easily offended or upset by friends and sometimes family because I tend to have high expectations of people.
If she is blogging about a painful childhood or an eating disorder, then yes, I think she needs to open up with you about this. However, if she just needs to vent about work or friends, then maybe the blogging isn't too bad.
I just know I don't like to burden my husband with all my emotions at times. Some things are petty but they get to me. Men want to fix our problems when we vent or open up, and sometimes we just want a listener without any comments. That is where blogging comes in - someone to tell your problems to without anyone talking back or asking questions.
By the way, if it is a blog, can you write her on it?
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