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Old 03-21-2011, 08:21 PM   #1
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What to do....what to do....

It's been a while since I've posted here but I'm really in a pickle and thought I would reach out for help. For those of you who remember, last I was on here, I had completely cut ties with my boyfriend, and I was pregnant. Well I have since had the baby and at first, everything was just fine. But about a month ago, we discovered that he suffers from a very rare condition called microcephaly. It's when the brain doesnt grow, therefor, the head doesnt grow. Once in a while, a person with microcephaly turns out completely fine apart from having a small head. This will not be the case for my son. His treatment will be a bit intense and ongoing throughout his life, however long that may be. Now, his form is genetic, and it's comming from his father's family. I never knew that the reason why his father had to wear a junior's sized hat, was because he also suffers from this condition. He himself does not know I am sure. And although his father is one of the few who turned out fine, as I said, My son is not. Whats worse is, his father has two other sons. Neither of them suffer from the condition, but they are certainly carriers of the gene because it is found on the Y chromosome. It could show up in their sons, their grandsons, etc. I feel obligated to let the mothers of these other children know, but I am afraid they will go back and tell the father. And I'm terrified of him knowing I had his baby......he told me to abort him but I didn't. I threw him out because he was very abusive amongst other things. So I dont know how to go about this. I never want this man to find me, or my son. But what about these other kids..........they deserve to know. I've thought about an anonymous letter, but the postmark would give it away.......even if I had no return address on it, I still am the only one that lives in my part of the state.....they would know who it was from. Any ideas would be much appreciated! Thankyou so much!
Melissa

 
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Old 03-21-2011, 09:43 PM   #2
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Re: What to do....what to do....

Mel, while I can appreciate your noble desire to tell the moms, I think the fact that your ex was first of all abusive and second of all doesn't know about your baby, means that you shouldn't tell them. It would be different if he was a normal guy, but he isn't. I remember your story well and I would strongly suggest that you stay hidden from him. The last thing you need right now is for that creep to find you and start harassing you again. I don't even want to imagine his anger when he finds out that you kept the baby. He is psycho enough to possibly hurt you and your new baby.

Let them be and find out on their own the way that you did. I don't think there is anything that can be done to help them to prevent this since it's a genetic thing and besides it might skip their kids the way it did for his other 2 kids. The guy is a scumbag, he has all kinds of kids from multiple women, why invite that negativity back into your life when you have done so well to get him out of your life?

 
Old 03-21-2011, 09:58 PM   #3
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Re: What to do....what to do....

i'd leave it alone, it's not your responsbility.
you say the father wears a junior size cap?
someone in the family has to know....possibly his mother?
why is she not warning them?

 
Old 03-22-2011, 05:03 AM   #4
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Re: What to do....what to do....

Hi

I agree with both Kszan and Rose. You better leave it alone. How can you be sure that thay don't know anything about it? So your attempt, however noble it is, to help them may be just like beating a dead horse.

But I also see - and forgive me for reading between the lines in your post - your desire to communicate with these people as a way of reaching out, of sharing your .... "pain". (Sorry, I can't find the right word here.)

I hope you are not totally alone in your struggle. You certainly need the support from other people. Anyone would, if they were in your shoes.

 
Old 03-22-2011, 10:24 AM   #5
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Re: What to do....what to do....

I'm very sorry to hear about your son.

 
Old 03-22-2011, 10:12 PM   #6
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Re: What to do....what to do....

Thankyou everybody for your thoughts. I suppose that's pretty clear then, that I should just leave it alone. So that is what I will do. As far as being alone, my parents are fantastically supportive now that I've gotten rid of the jerk! And as far as being sorry goes......thankyou....however, he's still absolutely preciouse! He got his first set of glasses today so he can finally see! YAY! They make him look like a little einstein! He spent all afternoon staring at things and I even caught him smilling a couple of times which is a HUGE thing for him. So there is LOTS to be greatful for. Thankyou again for all of your support!
Mel

Last edited by justmel30; 03-22-2011 at 10:13 PM. Reason: typo

 
Old 03-22-2011, 10:58 PM   #7
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Re: What to do....what to do....

Mel,

I remember you well, and you story. Bless you and your sweet baby. I will always respond when I see your name, we are here to support you through whatever comes your way, that you need a few extra ears on. Stay strong, you have the power of the lioness.

 
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