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Old 03-21-2011, 09:12 PM   #1
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Deep Regrets

I really need some advice I have no one to turn to at this point and I will do anything to help this situation. My ex B/F which is also my sons father and I have quit a history. Six years ago we started out in a wonderful relationship that was built on a friendship. The first year we was together was awesome, then I found out i was pregnant, the pill had failed. We were both young but I am a few years older than he is. He more or less freaked out and we werent as close during my pregnancy. When our son arrived his whole attitude changed and he became a really good dad we were closer and hppier than ever. We still werent living together so naturally I wanted us to get our own place. Our son was about a year old when we all moved in together, and things were going great we were all three so very happy. For about two years our lives were wonderful, then he got laid off from his job. He stayed at home with our son but took on no responsibilities other than taking care of him. I was still left to cook clean wash laundry and everything as before while still working full time. Looking back now I realize he was suffering from great depression and I was the one in the wrong the whole time. Our relationship started falling apart from there, with yelling and fighting and I said some really bad things to him, even threw him out at one point. When it was happening I didnt understand why he wouldnt help me with anything. Things eventually got so bad that I felt there was nothing left to do but break up. When I first mentioned it he went out and bought a ring, proposed to me and begged me to work on things with him. At that point I had so much anger and resentment that I didnt even feel any love for him. We moved away from each other and still hung out from time to time. In the years time we had been seperated my feelings for him have grown even stronger than they were before. About 2 months ago I told him this and we were really close for about three weeks then suddenly he became distant just over night. When I asked him about it he said his feelings just werent the same as before, he loves me very much but it would be dumb if we tried to work things out. Turns out people were saying things to him to make him feel this way. I acted as if I didnt care and he started calling me. We are now talking and see each other daily but from things he has said I feel that he is emotionally numb and cant open up because of the pain that I have caused him and the things I have done to him. I know he loves me and I love him more than anything in this world besides my son of course. I know I screwed up really bad and I have done more than enough to show him that I regret my actions every minute of every day. Things still feel distant between us and right now I am just trying to regain his trust and prove to him that the way that I was before was not who I am now but I have no idea if this is going to help with his numbness. Theres many reason I have come to the conclusion that numbness is what it is. I just dont know what to do to save my family from even more time apart? Now Im starting to feel very depressed, lonely and having panick attacks. Need advice very bad!

 
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:10 PM   #2
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Re: Deep Regrets

I think theres too much water under the bridge here. dont think it will ever be the same as it used to be. i think you should let him go he doesnt sound that interested.

 
Old 03-22-2011, 04:17 AM   #3
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Re: Deep Regrets

I'm afraid you are putting too much blame on yourself. Like when you say: I was the one in the wrong the whole time. Are you sure? Was he really so depressed that he was unable to do anything else apart from looking after the baby? Okay, maybe you overreacted, but probably he was not doing his part.

There is not much more you can do now. It is ok for you to try to regain his trust, but don't beg, don't implore, don't put yourself down. Allow him some time to heal his sorrow and come back to you, if this is really doable, but at the same time ask yourself if you would like to risk going through the same with him again.

 
Old 03-23-2011, 06:21 AM   #4
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Re: Deep Regrets

'this is a very push/pull kind of relationship. When he's not interested, you're trying to prove yourself "every minute of every day." When you're not interested, he's spontaneously buying you a ring to propose or calling you when you act like you don't care that he broke up with you. Sounds kind of exhausting, don't you think? I think you'd benefit from a more mature, balanced relationship.

Also, I agree with Pendulum in that I think you're being way too hard on yourself and maybe even a little naive. This guy left you to do all the chores being the only one working and you're the one who feels bad for saying something to him about it, because he was "so depressed?" I'm not saying he wasn't, but if you can care for a baby, you can do a load of laundry too. I think you should learn to stand up for yourself more and not put others so far above yourself.

 
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