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Old 03-22-2011, 08:25 PM   #1
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How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

Hi all,

So I've been dating this girl for almost two years now, both in our 20s, and everything is going great.

However, her pursuit into acting is causing me a lot of stress.

My main question is, how do i get over the jealousy involved with seeing her be intimate/ sexual with another person? How do i get over her being scantily dressed for certain scenes? How do i get over her kissing and doing other sexual acts?

Now, before you answer...I am a logical person. I know that it is only acting. I also will never stop her from pursuing one of her passions. That being said, I really want to get help with this problem so I can continue to be in a healthy relationship. I'll never stop her from doing something for the benefit of her career or hobby. The problem is, it's one thing for me to think logically and another thing for me to feel it emotionally. I know it is only HER character doing these acts, not herself. I know that it is not a romantic environment or anything with all of the cameras and whatnot.

However, I still cannot get over the fact of her actually doing these acts. I know a physical gesture is almost nothing without an emotion behind it. But i still cannot help but feel jealous and angry when she's doing these things. I don't want it to manifest in our relationship anymore, and I feel like i'm doing a good job containing myself now, but i want to be at peace with myself.

I can't help but replay scenes over in over in my head. Scenes that never even happened. I just get this image of her kissing someone else and it throws me out of control. Then, i picture her coming back to me afterwards and i can't help feel that it's unfair to me. I know i'm being unreasonable, but i still can't get past the idea of her doing those things and then coming back to me and doing the same acts. I don't know what to do.

Please, what sort of advice can you give me to help me?

 
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Old 03-22-2011, 08:45 PM   #2
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

Have you talked to her about how you feel? What did she say? I think that's where you need to start.

I'm not sure how to tell you to "get over it" because it's something you need to do on your own. I don't think anyone here can give you any tips for how to make that happen in your mind. You're just going to have to find a way to realize that this is her chosen career and you have to take it or leave it.

Think about the thousands and thousands of married actors and actresses out there, many of them with kids. They all have varying levels of fake intimacy ranging from just a hug to what appears like full-on sexual contact in tv and movies and yet their spouses deal with it and their families deal with it. As long as entertainment has existed, actors and actresses have done this, and their significant others have accepted it. You're just going to have to find a way to handle your jealousy (as these thousands of others have) or else accept the fact that you can't be with someone who wants to be an actor. It's all part of the job.

 
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Old 03-22-2011, 08:53 PM   #3
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

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Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
Have you talked to her about how you feel? What did she say? I think that's where you need to start.

I have talked to her about it and that's why i'm looking for some more help outside the relationship. I don't want to beat a dead horse with her and cause more problems. She says the same things i have stated in my prior post and she understands what i must be feeling. It's just different because she's the one doing it, and not the one watching it. Eventually, she said, if it came to it, she would drop it all so she could be with me but there's no way in hell i'll ever do that.

I really don't want to have it come down to breaking up, especially when everything else is going well and we're still in love with each other. I just don't know how long I can keep these thoughts in my head.

Anyways, it could boil down to a lack of trust on my part as well as an inferiority complex. If i could change anything about myself, it would be those two because they usually have a hand in every problem in a relationship. I'm just not sure how to tackle them when it comes to dealing with this particular situation.

 
Old 03-22-2011, 08:58 PM   #4
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

is she an actress now or is this her dream to be an actress.....
as you know there are plenty of waiters and waitresses that are out of work actors......what I'm getting at is.....maybe this isn't something to worry about now....it may not happen

 
Old 03-22-2011, 09:23 PM   #5
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

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is she an actress now or is this her dream to be an actress.....
as you know there are plenty of waiters and waitresses that are out of work actors......what I'm getting at is.....maybe this isn't something to worry about now....it may not happen
She is an aspiring actress, who has gotten a few roles so far. I understand that it may not be a reality, but i want to be okay with this as a possibility. When she is looking for work, any sort of part in any play will be beneficial for her so i want to be okay with her taking a part that may have her involved in some sort of romantic role.

 
Old 03-23-2011, 02:07 AM   #6
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

Imagine yourself in her place. She's not really getting intimate or sexual with anyone else. She's not actually having sex with someone else.

A lot of actors have said it can actually be uncomfortable and embarassing doing those kind of scenes in front of the crew and cameras, I doubt very much she'd be enjoying it in an innapropriate way.

As for being scantily dressed, it's not really much different from wearing a bikini on the beach.

You understand how ridiculous it is to play scenes over in your head that didn't even happen. You're getting yourself into a state over nothing. You need to train yourself to stop. Everytime you start to do this, make yourself think of something else. Turn your mind to something positive, do an activity so your mind stops wandering.

 
Old 03-23-2011, 02:22 PM   #7
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

I guess just thank your lucky stars that she's a regular actress, as opposed to a porn actress.....

 
Old 03-23-2011, 07:58 PM   #8
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

I totally understand. I have dated actresses before. It's tough.

I guess my advice would be just to remember that even though she does do those things with other people, she is with you for a reason.

 
Old 03-24-2011, 10:38 AM   #9
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

If they bother you i suggest you don't watch the movies shes in. Also shes an actress, so her roles in her job is just acting its not real which i know you know this already but a little reassurance outside of your own thinkings is good right ? .....think of something else like how proud of her you have a talented girlfriend. train your mind to think better thoughts may be hard to start with but if you keep to it it'll become automatic maybe. just think in your head something like ''im just been silly so i will think positive instead so....wonder what food i can cook her tonight when she gets home from work''.

 
Old 03-24-2011, 01:43 PM   #10
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

I won't lie-- I'm pretty happy with my non-actress wife. I certainly wouldn't want to watch her in intimate scenes with another person.

That said, I'm sure with enough time--if your relationship stays solid--this will become no big deal. The stronger your relationship becomes, the less important this issue will seem. You're still in the dating phase. So, maybe just knowing that it will get better will help.

I wonder if women married to gynecologists have feelings like this?

 
Old 03-24-2011, 07:30 PM   #11
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

LOL gynos see some pretty awful stuff. It's not all hot women with nice looking genitalia. Think of diseases, etc.

I think the OP will be fine because your attitude is good. You know the problem is with you, not her, and you aren't projecting. Maybe some behavior modification exercises can help.

 
Old 03-24-2011, 10:29 PM   #12
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

Thanks for the advice guys.

I'm aware there's no real solution around this and i've gone through my head to find something that helps me deal with these situations to no avail. I really just don't have control over my thoughts. I guess only time will tell what to do.

 
Old 03-24-2011, 10:42 PM   #13
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

You can learn how to control your thoughts though, or at least your reaction to them. That's a big part of the whole point of CBT. Maybe you should look into it? Could help you a lot, with this and in other areas of your life where the way you think about things is making you unhappy.

 
Old 03-25-2011, 11:45 AM   #14
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

Maybe you could take up acting yourself, so you will learn some of the techniques, realize that it is no big deal in most cases, and this can make you feel relieved. At the same time, it will make you think less of it and (I hate to say this, but...) put your girlfriend in your shoes, so to say.

 
Old 03-25-2011, 02:04 PM   #15
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Re: How do i get over jealousy involved with dating an Actress

i think you will drive her away if you dont sort this issue out asap. accept it or leave. direct your thoughts to other things. shes just doing her job.

 
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