It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-22-2011, 08:41 PM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: NE
Posts: 6
jabirdy HB User
Confusing breakup, no answers

I met an awesome girl and started dating her and it was the best relationship I have ever been in. She had me meet her family and her best friends and she met my parents and my best friends. We had a lot in common and we never had a single fight. We maybe had one little argument but I wouldn't consider it a fight because neither one of us were really actually mad.

Anyway, everything was perfect in the relationship. Then one day, out of nowhere, she came over and said "It's not going to work." The only thing she told me is "I wish we were friends longer first" and "I can't see you as a boyfriend".

This took my by complete surprise because she would always grab my hand and tell me she feels good about our relationship and she can see us in the long run and always playing those cute little games like "I like you more!" type stuff. I was as romantic as I possibly could be and she always bragged to her friends how romantic I was. She stayed overnight and we would cuddle and she always told me she could kiss me all night.

It's been about 6 weeks now since we broke up. The saddest part about this is that our relationship lasted 6 weeks. Why am I this upset about a girl I dated for 6 weeks? I fell for her so hard and fast and I think it's because it was the first out of 4 relationships that I was actually happy in.

She deleted me on facebook and untagged pictures of us. It's like she's trying to completely erase me from her life. I was taken by surprise with this breakup because I thought it was perfect. I was a wreck for about a week.

I am doing better now, but I still think about this girl every waking moment (plus I dream about her all the time). I cannot get this girl out of my head. I don't know what went wrong, where it went wrong, or why it went wrong. She will talk to me "as a friend" but she won't give me any explanation for the break up.

I know she is a busy person. She plays softball for her college so between practice, games, homework, and her job I understand she might be busy and stressed. I want to tell myself that has something to do with it, but I don't understand how that would make her feelings completely change for my in what seemed like a split second.

I feel like I have no closure, no answers, and it doesn't seem like I will ever know what happened. I just want to stop thinking about her and be happy for once. I know it's stupid to be this upset about a short relationship, but I think the way it ended is the reason I'm so lost.

If anyone has anything to say, I'd love to hear it. Anything would help me at this point.

Last edited by jabirdy; 03-22-2011 at 08:43 PM. Reason: more info

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-22-2011, 10:11 PM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,114
writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

I'm sorry for all the heartache..anyone would be shocked and crushed, because she treated you badly. Period. She took no account for the fact that you a person with feelings, and her choice of action was inaction. She ran away without the courtesy of a person to person talk. That is not a sign of integrity, which I am sure you feel betrayed by. You gave her more credit than she was due.

That is a wonderful thing about you. Just do not let this one shallow woman affect your self worth, you are lucky she only took 6 weeks of your time.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to writeleft For This Useful Post:
pendulum (03-24-2011)
Old 03-23-2011, 10:35 AM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: NE
Posts: 6
jabirdy HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

She never treated me badly, though. During our time together she did everything that made me happy, even the little things. Then out of nowhere everything is completely different. She ran out of my life just as fast as she came in. It's like she doesn't want to even recognize we were a couple.

I don't know how to get my mind off her. I keep going through in my head what I did wrong but I can't come up with anything.

 
Old 03-23-2011, 11:28 AM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
cryingforever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: yorkshire, uk
Posts: 1,790
cryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB Usercryingforever HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

leaving your life with no explanation is cruel - same as treating you badly. that is a bad way to treat someone who your supposed to love and all those nice things she said to you. she is not thinking about your feelings at all she just ended it and sounds like shes just blanking you again cruel. in my opinion you had a lucky escape so now in the future you can find someone who wont bail on you without a real explanation. someone who will be truly happy with you and stay around.

 
Old 03-23-2011, 11:36 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,082
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

I think this kind of thing happens all the time. Lord knows women have had their share of this kind of thing, and in this day and age, more and more women are learning to "love like men." I think your only option is to do what we gals have to do when this happens to us - emotional distance from the situation, and just get on with your life and the business of being the best you that you know how to be. Doyour best to not take it personally, learn whatever lessons there are to learn to take into your next relationship, and move forward. Good luck.

 
Old 03-24-2011, 10:18 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
ninamarc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Canada/USA
Posts: 1,701
ninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB Userninamarc HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

I would like to comment on this closure issue. Well I had been there when I was heartbroken. One thing I learned is don't depend on the other person to give closure or explanation or whatever. If she/he tells you why, it is good, but if she/he thinks they have told you enough or even refused to say it clearly, just drop it. The bottom line is the person does not want to be involved with you anymore. I would think trying once or twice about explanation or closure is Ok. But beyond that, forget it and move on. It is not easy but what can you do? The person just left.
Sorry about this happening to you.

Take care,
Nina

 
The Following User Says Thank You to ninamarc For This Useful Post:
cryingforever (03-24-2011)
Old 03-24-2011, 11:14 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,716
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

I don't think you did anything wrong.

There are two possibilities here, as far as I can see:

1. She was acting from the very first moment, maybe because she wanted to make an impression on her family and friends about having a decent boyfriend. I wonder what she told them about the break-up, if ever she made a point of telling them. Maybe that is a pattern in her life - find someone and then drop him like a stone -, what do we know?

2. She is emotionally unstable. Indeed, many men behave this way, usually they are only after sex. After they get it, they vanish in the air. That was not the case with her, was it? The "good" thing about her is that she at least offered an explanation "It will not work". It is a very poor explanation, however, and she can well be thought of as an inconsiderate person, but maybe she had been struggling with it for a long time. Go figure.

Anyway, it's a real puzzle, and she is probably the only one who has got the key. You are entitled to mourn (for) the loss of a dream rather than of a person, but don't waste your time on finding out her obscure reasons or putting the blame on yourself. Soon you will be moving on, that is for sure.

I agree with Writeleft: "you are lucky she only took 6 weeks of your time."

Last edited by pendulum; 03-24-2011 at 11:15 AM.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to pendulum For This Useful Post:
cryingforever (03-24-2011)
Old 03-24-2011, 12:19 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Belly Kelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 850
Blog Entries: 1
Belly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB UserBelly Kelly HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

To be honest, I would guess she met someone else. I could be wrong, but given her actions, that would be my guess.

Sorry you are hurting. It isn't fair when people do this to us. You can pursue her and get her to admit why she broke up with you, or just try to move forward.
__________________
"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK

 
Old 03-24-2011, 06:23 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: paso robles, ca
Posts: 661
CadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB UserCadenceA HB User
Re: Confusing breakup, no answers

I disagree. Other sites I've visited always recommend "no contact" for a period of time after a relationship ends, particularly if it ends badly. She probably is erasing pictures and all that because she doesn't want to give you false hope that you two can get back together...and MANY people mistake contact or pictures on profiles or not changing passwords for a sign that the person still cares and that they may get back together. I too cut off all contact after breakups because I believe that's the only way to heal, whether you are the dumper or the dumpee!

Saying "this isn't working", to me, isn't cruel or a sign of mental instability either. I've been told by an ex that he wanted to like me and even wanted to love me, but he just didn't. I didn't take that as a sign that he was mentally unstable, just that he tried and just didn't have those feelings for me. I appreciated his honesty even though it hurt.

It will take time to heal, but you will. A few weeks isn't enough time, but try to keep busy and see friends and you will sooner or later feel better.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Confusing breakup/need advice please! ST22 Relationship Health 35 06-30-2010 12:10 PM
My ex is confusing me. t0ri111 Relationship Health 10 09-14-2009 10:20 AM
8 Months Since Breakup -- Feel Left Behind and Running Out of Time Erin942 Relationship Health 19 01-09-2008 09:50 AM
Hard breakup, no contact and trying to move forward Erin942 Relationship Health 14 06-27-2007 04:14 PM
Confusing sudden breakup- opinions? brainchild Relationship Health 14 01-17-2007 08:35 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (260), rosequartz (245), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (87), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (857), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (773), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:26 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!