I am dating a guy for 19 months now. Last summer he was acting a bit odd and we weren't getting along well. I ended up looking in his cell phone. I
had never felt the need to do this until this point. I found 36 messages between he and a female coworker over a 3 day period. One of the days she was not even at work. They were a bit personal, nothing too bad, and nothing against me. We had had a discussion about how male/female coworkers have to be careful, how getting too close can cause problems, that it is not a good idea to "be there" for someone of the opposite sex, etc. So I was not thrilled with the messages between them. I confessed to looking in his phone. I never looked again until a couple weeks ago when I was getting ready to end the relationship because of other problems. Well I find out the he has set his phone up to delete anything he sends and to empty his inbox automatically! I never would have thought he would do this. We ended up deciding to not break up and try to work things out. This is really bothering me that his phone is set up like this, since last summer. I obviously believed him last summer and did not look in his phone again. Now I am feeling that he can not be trusted..it is really eating at me. ?????
I was once in a relationship where I felt the need to go through his things, and now that it's over I realize that any relationship where you feel like you need to "spy" on him is not a good relationship. With my current boyfriend, I've never felt the need to go through his stuff, even though I have easy access to everything (computer, cell phone, etc.). Either way, the fact that he has set it up to automatically delete messages is beyond suspicious and my assumption is that it's because he doesn't want to get caught again. If he had nothing to hide, he would have no reason to do that.
It sounds like you're pretty much done with the relationship anyway. Why hold on to something that's likely not right for you... and to someone who is very likely dishonest? If I were you, I wouldn't trust him... and without it, there can't be a real relationship.
I am sorry you are hurting, but you have made a good choice. Trust is what relationships are all about, and you can now free you mind from all the wondering and worrying, which are horrible for anyone.
I hope you have some support from your family or friends, and of course we are here day and night to talk to. You are very smart to have called it, before you ended up with a real issue to deal with, making all this even more hurtful.
Time will heal your heart, especially when you have no one to worry about hurting you.
If my boyfriend told me he'd read my text messages without my permission I would (assuming I was smart enough) set the messages to automatically delete. I'd do this because I wouldn't trust him any longer to respect my privacy. So while he may not have been worthy of your trust, remember that he obviously did not trust you to stay out of his phone either. So the lack of trust ran both ways.
You shouldn't have to earn privacy in a relationship. As you move on, try not to let this jade you.