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Old 03-30-2011, 05:34 AM   #1
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Question What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

This man that I know and was involved with for about a year, but still spoke to for a couple of years after we stopped seeing each other; has for some reason over the past few months chosen to avoid me when he sees me. He told me just last year that he saw me as more than a friend and that he was still attracted to me. When he asked me if I wanted to have an affair, and that you have to start somewhere, I turned him down. Even though I still spoke to him as normally as I would speak to anyone else, I wasn't going to see him on the side. Our speaking to each other still seemed to come easy in spite of everything.

A couple of times since he started avoiding me I went over to him and spoke to him when I saw him, but it was easy to tell that talking to him was nothing like it was before; even after we stopped seeing each other. So now when I see him I treat him the same way. I find it hard doing that because I am not used to ignoring people that I know. I guess it comes easier for men.

We have been over for a couple of years now, and for sometime afterwards, he was still somewhat warm and friendly. Now especially over the past few months he has become cold and distant, like being around me has become some kind of issue/problem for him. For example when we end up in the same room/floor, he will just keep on walking and avoid eye contact. Or while speaking to him you can tell that he is very uncomfortable. That is what is so confusing to me.

Why do men change so easily towards women when they have done nothing to hurt them?

Why do men have to behave that way? They can really ruin what could be a really good friendship.

I look forward to your opinions.

Shelly

 
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Old 03-30-2011, 06:47 AM   #2
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

There could be a number of reasons why he avoids you now.

Does he have a partner who's told him to have no contact with you?

Some men just don't want to be friends with women, especially ones they are attracted to and had a physical relationship with. You've told him you will not be having an affair with him so maybe he now sees no point in pursuing you at all.

Maybe he's finding it difficult to be friends with you when he's attracted to you or maybe his ego took a huge dent when you turned him down.

You can analyse his reasons till the cows come home but he's the only one who can really tell you. What it boils down to is for whatever reason he no longer wants to have any kind of friendship with you and you're going to have to let go.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 07:02 AM   #3
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

How old is this man?

My impression is that he has a problem not only with you, but with people (women) in general.

You better leave him alone.

As for your question "why do men behave that way?", I should say it's only the immature. It is more related to maturity level rather than gender.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 07:21 AM   #4
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

I agree with Ely. It doesn't matter why. You were honest and respectful to him, so it's not anything you did. Jsut let him deal with it the way he chooses and move on.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 07:44 AM   #5
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
How old is this man?

My impression is that he has a problem not only with you, but with people (women) in general.

You better leave him alone.

As for your question "why do men behave that way?", I should say it's only the immature. It is more related to maturity level rather than gender.
He is an older man. I am in my 40's and he is 17 years older. He doesn't have a problem with women as he told me a couple of years after we stopped seeing each other; mind you it was in the same conversation where he told me that he still loved me; he said that he is a man, and that if he sees a woman with a good looking behind (I used the word "behind", as the other one wasn't appropriate for the message board) he is going to take notice.

Although we were involved before and became very physically close, we never had sex. Although I had very strong feelings for him, looked forward to seeing him every day, and was attracted to him, I had alot of doubts as to whether or not he was really focused on us, and that his relationship with the woman he was involved with was really over as he claimed; even though he told me that he loved me and that I was the one he wanted to be with.

As it turned out, after we were involved for at least a year, he told me that he told her he would at least think about taking her back; which he eventually did. Also during that same conversation, he told me that he thought we would have gone all the way by now. I am very relieved that we didn't. That was a couple of years ago. He was one man who didn't get to have his cake and eat it too.

But still the talking continued. That is why I am surprised at his behavior over the past few months. It is like being around me now after all of this time is very uncomfortable for him. And we have been over for at least a couple of years.

Very strange, huh?

Last edited by SHELLY2011; 03-30-2011 at 07:48 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 07:52 AM   #6
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Do you work with him and is he now married?

 
Old 03-30-2011, 07:58 AM   #7
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ely4 View Post
There could be a number of reasons why he avoids you now.

Does he have a partner who's told him to have no contact with you?

Some men just don't want to be friends with women, especially ones they are attracted to and had a physical relationship with. You've told him you will not be having an affair with him so maybe he now sees no point in pursuing you at all.

Maybe he's finding it difficult to be friends with you when he's attracted to you or maybe his ego took a huge dent when you turned him down.

You can analyse his reasons till the cows come home but he's the only one who can really tell you. What it boils down to is for whatever reason he no longer wants to have any kind of friendship with you and you're going to have to let go.
Knowing him, as far as I know, she doesn't know that we were involved at all. When I turned him down it was a year ago, and he never brought it up again. The other conversations that we had since then were just normal every day ones. That is why I am wondering now, what is his problem?

Last edited by SHELLY2011; 03-30-2011 at 08:17 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:14 AM   #8
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curious One View Post
Do you work with him and is he now married?

We work in the same building (not with each other), and he isn't just now married. I guess you can refer to what they have as a common-law relationship as they share a home.

As I previously stated, after we were involved for at least a year, he told me that he told her (the woman that he was previously involved with and claimed their relationship was over), he would at least think about taking her back; which he eventually did. Also during that same conversation, he told me that he thought we would have gone all the way by now. I am very relieved that we didn't. That was a couple of years ago.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:18 AM   #9
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SHELLY2011 View Post
He is an older man. I am in my 40's and he is 17 years older. He doesn't have a problem with women as he told me a couple of years after we stopped seeing each other; mind you it was in the same conversation where he told me that he still loved me; he said that he is a man, and that if he sees a woman with a good looking behind (I used the word "behind", as the other one wasn't appropriate for the message board) he is going to take notice.?
Well, just because he notices a nice fanny doesn't mean he can't have problems relating to women, talking to them, dealing with them as fellow human beings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SHELLY2011 View Post
As it turned out, after we were involved for at least a year, he told me that he told her he would at least think about taking her back; which he eventually did. Also during that same conversation, he told me that he thought we would have gone all the way by now. I am very relieved that we didn't. That was a couple of years ago. He was one man who didn't get to have his cake and eat it too.

But still the talking continued. That is why I am surprised at his behavior over the past few months. It is like being around me now after all of this time is very uncomfortable for him. And we have been over for at least a couple of years.

Very strange, huh?
It kind of sounds to me like he never really let the other woman go while he was with you, and went back to her at least in part because you weren't "giving it up." Which sort of indicates that as far as he was concerned, you weren't ever really a true friend to him, and now that you're no longer a sexual possibility or option, he feels no need to talk to you. Who knows. But again, does it really matter? Would knowing WHY he no longer wants to know you make any difference?

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:20 AM   #10
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

the more important question is why do you care?
this man isn't worth your time

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:31 AM   #11
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

my advise to you is to let this go. You will let it eat at you forever if you don't.

This man is not worth the time you spend thinking about him. He isn't interested in having a friendship with you. Only he can tell you why that is, and he isn't going to.

For your own sake you need to move on and forget about him.

Last edited by Administrator; 03-30-2011 at 01:05 PM.

 
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Old 03-30-2011, 08:37 AM   #12
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

the bigger question/problem, is why are YOU so obsessed with this.....give it a rest, move on.....
<you> will still get the same advice!

Last edited by Administrator; 03-30-2011 at 01:04 PM.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:39 AM   #13
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

If you are working in the same building, then his girlfriend/wife probably knows people there who are watching him for her. He knows this.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:51 AM   #14
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Well, just because he notices a nice fanny doesn't mean he can't have problems relating to women, talking to them, dealing with them as fellow human beings.



It kind of sounds to me like he never really let the other woman go while he was with you, and went back to her at least in part because you weren't "giving it up." Which sort of indicates that as far as he was concerned, you weren't ever really a true friend to him, and now that you're no longer a sexual possibility or option, he feels no need to talk to you. Who knows. But again, does it really matter? Would knowing WHY he no longer wants to know you make any difference?
According to what he told me financial reasons played a big part in him taking her back. And knowing him as well as I do, money is very important to him. What he has invested he doesn't want to have to split with anyone.

Even during the conversations that we did have, the money topic always came up. Always a major concern for him.

And as far as me not giving it up it was to protect myself as I had alot of doubts as to whether or not he was really focused on us, and that his relationship with the woman he was involved with was really over as he claimed; even though he told me that he loved me and that I was the one he wanted to be with. And when we spoke about us after we stopped seeing each other, I told him that we weren't in a real relationship that was just about us for us to be able to go any further.

But still we spoke to each other; not every day but when we would run into each other. We have been over for a couple of years now, but it hasn't been until just a few months ago that his avoidance of me has become more noticeable; to the point where he seems to have some kind of problem with me, even with basic conversation.

 
Old 03-30-2011, 08:56 AM   #15
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Re: What KIND Of Problem Does He Have With Me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by esker View Post
If you are working in the same building, then his girlfriend/wife probably knows people there who are watching him for her. He knows this.
When we were involved with each other and even afterwards, he didn't have a problem with any one seeing us. We would be out in the open talking, and he didn't rush to walk away.

He even drove me home a couple of times after we stopped seeing each other.

 
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