I have been haveing this ongoing problem for some time now. I am a lost soul when it comes to relationships and social side of life. Other aspects of my life I have taken care of quite well, but this social part of things is destroying me. I am getting older, I have less and less friends, I fear that I will never meet a girl, and I live more and more isolation. Sometimes I get really drunk and go out to the bars in attempt meet people our find a girl..I know it is a horrible idea. Just receantly after long haul of non-stop work I had a night out on my own..which started out ok, but ended up with me at a strip club. Not proud of this. I spend the whole next day sleeping through the pain all of the alcohol and guilt of going to a strip club and paying for some things. I had meet a girl earlier in the night and got her phone number....but from what I remeber in the outing she said she had a boyfriend but didnt really like him. I didnt really want to get involved in that. Anyways what I am looking for it a different lifestyle. I want to stop drinking, partying, doing things of low value(go out alone, going to strip clubs). I want to have a good social circle with some good freinds, and I want a girlfriend that may possibly turn into something more. I have been trying to become more religious and spirtual and I believe in it but obviously have not been living it, which I feel bad about. Like I say I just feel lost, and dont know what to do with myself. I live in a foreign country and wont be back to the US for 2 more yrs. I am grateful for the travel that I have and the work that I have but those social part of my life is killing me. I just am a lost soul..
Last edited by waywardson; 04-03-2011 at 09:44 AM.
If, as you say, you "want to become more religious", join a church.
Look for one that has a good young adult program (if you're under 25- it sounds like you are)with lots of social activities and opportunities for social interaction.
Your other option is to do some volunteerism. I'm sure there are causes like animal rescue, environmental and political causes, etc, that would welcome your help, and it's also a good way to meet other people interested in some of the same things as you are, and interact with them in positive ways.
Yeah It sounds like I am around 25, but I am actually older which makes it worse. I am 28. It is more difficult at this age. I feel young and look younger...mostly mistaken for 23, 24. But yeah I am tired of the way I am liveing. I want to go to church, but my main problem is not wanting to go alone...and haveing people see me there alone. Yes people are accepting in all it would just feel socially akward. (The only church in enlglish is the one on the base so a lot of ppl would recognize me.)
You know what? I'm married, with a 2 year old son, a mortgage, a stressful job.... And although I know I'm extremely fortunate, there are days when the idea of being alone, working in a foreign country, sounds pretty darn good. Maybe if you stop beating yourself down (oh, poor me) about your situation, you might open yourself up to good things.
I know without a doubt, if I was single and working in a foreign country, I would be exploring as much as possible. Hop on a train and go somewhere. See things. Take advantage of this time in your life, and make it memorable. Don't waste this time brooding.
Yes I mean I do have a lot of things I can do and I have ventured into that quite a bit. I have been to around 6 countries and many cities within those countries. I have started to learn another language..and my work is well top secret kind of stuff(not as cool as it sounds, but it has its exciting times). But with all that, not haveing realtionships, and feeling socially isolated is destroying me. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself, I just feel very lost.... I try and try and try to get out of the rut that I have created for myself and it is mostly a self-esteem thing and never really feeling accepted by others when I was younger. My biggest thing is stopping drinking. I dont do it often, but when I do I am soo stupid, (like spending 300$ in a night) and regret everything I do and get depressed. I usually go about a month without a drop and then I get too stressed out and drink again. It is kind of a vicious cycle. I want to be a stronger person, and more connected with god an the people around me but everytime I take several steps foward I go back a step. I know my life probably doesnt sound bad, but when it comes down to it social isolation is really not a pleseant experience.
I dont know how pathetic this sounds but I have signed up for a confidence/talking to women course. I figure I cant lose and hopefully it will help me with being more social overall. I dont want to be the one to end my family name (I am the last male with it)! Im 28! Like i said i feel like a lost soul and feel desperate to gain some social skill that i was obviously not born with and have had to use alcohol my whole life to have any--fail. I have the fire in my belly to get this aspect of my life taken care of. I am like that guy you see in movies who had crappy friends and rejected by women at a young age and spends the rest of his life trying to build himself as an attrative person. Overcompensateing for everything(for me ,being a pilot, joining military, living in another country..traveling, working out a lot, studying attraction( now takeing dateing courses), studying other languages...haveing a top secret job etc etc. I wouldnt say all of it is for trying to feel better about my life..but a lot of it is trying to makeup for that 'not being cool' thing that I have always felt.
Even in my early and mid 20's all the friends that I had treated me quite poorly. Makeing fun of me, useing me, playing with my low self esteem. The problem has always been on my end. Not standing up for myself, letting people treat me poorly, not realizing what value I have as a person...chooseing poor ppl to hang out with. A lot of the ppl I hung out with were good people..it is just human nature to not respect those who dont respect themselves. I have made leaps and bounds in confidence and being more assertive but around the age of 25 I had become so jaded and disapointed by my relationships that I litterally withdraw from everyone and was around the time I started to look at the military. I had a degree at 24 and didnt find the job that felt right...and ended up joiing at 26. 2 yrs in and while my quality of life has improved drastically I still have the same problems with realitonships and have almost hardened myself to a point where I unconsiously push everyone away from me.
Well just another rant..there is a reason I named myself waywardson. The problem is I have never felt like I am enough. I really never thought this is where my life would be, and while I have some experiences that no one will ever have I long for the stability and normalcy of it seems that everyone else has around me. Solid groups of friends, self esteem, haveing a gf, haveing everyone's respect and so on. Now I have a second degree and a good career underway, my own house...and oppurtunities to see the world. But I still lack social skills and my self esteem...while better than it has been in the past is still lower I think than the average person. While most people who see me probably think I appear to be a confident person, it is just a formed defense mecahnism that I have created through the yrs of painful relationships...and keeping ppl at a distant to appear strong. Ok I am ranting again...I just really want to get this part of my life handled...and I dont talk about this kind of stuff with anyone.
Last edited by waywardson; 04-03-2011 at 12:46 PM.