I’ve seen this girl around over the last year or so and gradually we’ve built up to having the occasional chat whenever we bump into each other. Last Wednesday I saw her on my way back from work and I took the plunge and asked her if she’d like to go for a drink with me some time. To my delight she said yes. I was surprised because I had an inkling that she didn’t see me in a romantic light.
She said she’d have to find a time to meet me, but we swapped phone numbers (she actually gave me her phone and asked me to save my number to it). Then, unexpectedly, she put her arms around me and kissed me – just a few kisses on the lips, but quite passionate nonetheless. She walked away without saying anything else and I said I’d text her.
I texted her the next evening to say hi and asked if she’d have a think about when she’s free. She got back to me and said she didn’t know when she’s next free but that she’d see if she could move something. We exchanged a few messages over the next couple of days and found out a bit more about each other. Her messages were verbose and she included kisses and smiley faces.
Then overnight her tone changed and her messages were curt and unembellished. I should have ignored her as soon as she came across that way. Instead, I persisted and tried to find out more about her but she gave the impression she didn’t want me to bother. The next day (yesterday), I saw her at the swimming pool where we sometimes bump into each other.
She barely acknowledged me when I saw her in the pool. She was in the foyer as I was leaving so I spoke to her, but it was awkward. She avoided eye contact and she didn’t seem to want to talk. I didn’t make any reference to going out as she clearly wasn’t in the mood. I tried to make small talk but it felt uncomfortable so I said goodbye and she said she’d maybe see me the next day.
So I’m confused. If it was me who made all the running i.e. offered my phone number and kissed her, I’d understand why she might blow hot and cold. But given that she gave me encouragement, I don’t get why she’s all of a sudden gone off me. Normally she greets me with a big smile and we have a nice chat. Have I just come on too strong and scared her away?
Then overnight her tone changed and her messages were curt and unembellished.
Sounds to me like she had another intervening event in her life. Maybe an ex reappeared, maybe a family issue.... Obviously something she did not want to share.
I don't think there's anything you can do except sit back and let her make the next move if and when she's ready. Sounds like you already pushed and pried a little to much, which is off putting to anyone.
These are always tough situations--the potential beginning of a new romance--because you never know what's going on in the other person's head.
Have I just come on too strong and scared her away?
It's hard to say for sure, but my impression is that you haven't. Like Caberg said, she must be dealing with some issue, or otherwise she changed her mind about you. Who can say what?
You have two options here: either you keep waiting for her or, in a very polite way, you ask her out again. See what happens.
If she is "rude" with you or ignores you again, then you better leave her alone.
Life is too short to waste time on game players. Who cares what is behind it? She will either get over it and let you in, or not. Go on with your life. Cheers, Sera
Thanks for the replies, guys It's interesting to see what other people make of the situation.
I haven't heard from her since Tuesday evening. I haven't contacted her and I don't intend to. The ball's in her court. Maybe I won't hear from her again. But I'm sure I will see her at some point soon, unless she goes out of her way to avoid me.
When I see her I'll be polite and acknowledge her as I always do. If she sees me and remembers what it is she saw in me that made her kiss me and accept my offer of a drink, perhaps she'll get in touch again. Who knows!
I wouldnt worry about it so much. Ya you dont want to come off as being pestering but you dont want to give up either. If you like her than go for it. I think back to many times when I had just given up to easily. I think that most women actually like being pursued and typically are going to put up some resistance. I wouldnt put too much though into an single interaction as all humans are complicated and there may be other things going on that you dont know about. Putting the ball into her court sounds like a nice thing to do, but rarley is that going to get you anywhere with them. Best of luck!
The Following User Says Thank You to waywardson For This Useful Post: pendulum (04-13-2011)
Confused by a new girl 
I’ll try to keep this brief…
It's interesting to see what other people make of the situation.
