I really have no reason to be, we have been together about 6 months, are in love, things are great when we are together. But sometimes I have to smack myself because I will do something like send a text and get a little antsy when i don't hear back and imagine all sorts of bad things. Totally unfair to her. Don't want to smother her or scare her off, and we have had some bumps in the road in that early on we were both afraid to commit due to past hurt and mistrust.
We are over that, are crazy about each other and trust each other completely, so why do I get these nagging thoughts when I don't hear from her?
This is new territory for me, in the past my relationships it has been the other way around; the woman I was with seemed to get upset if I didn't respond to something right away and had all sorts of unfounded suspicions and fears. I know how unattractive that can be if taken to extremes....and here I am on the verge of committing the same thing.
I think this sort of obsessive thinking will dwindle down as time goes by. If not, you need to find a distraction for whenever it starts: do something physical or work out or go for a walk until you stop focusing on her...
This maybe linked to something in your past, have a good think about your past relationships, parents, family etc and see if there is a link. Mostly our behaviour comes from something in the past, hope it all works out for you
I find myself in a very similar situation at just under 6 months into the relationship. I have found that a good release for me is to write poetry although unfortuantely i cant really show it to her as it turns out like this...
Sitting here obsessing inside my head,
About things that would make me wish I was dead,
The loss of my love,
The damage it would do,
How I hate this unfounded feeling blue,
All based on paranoid fiction,
I have been struck by some alien affliction,
Making me want to scream and shout,
Paranoid thoughts of fear and doubt,
Yet through all this uncertainty I can see how much you truly mean to me,
One thought I have no doubt is true,
Is that I am completely in love with you,
I know I don’t make it easy on myself sometimes,
But I do my best to keep it out of sight and preferably out of mind,
But my inner strife evaporates when you are here,
How I long to be in your arms my dear.
however i do fell a hell of a lot better after writing stuff like this i find it kind of gets it out in the open for me rather than botteling it up inside which i have done in previous relationships.
I think a lot of it is due to the 6 month mark being a end point for most of my relationships and frequently and end point to happyness in relationships that have lasted longer.
best thing you can do is keep yourself busy and focus on somthing other than her!
Interesting thoughts on past behavior; I cant really recall anything specific although the two of us had a rocky start in that she wasn't sure about committing so at times became distant. I would not be surprised if those thoughts are lingering, i.e. if I don't hear back from her part of me wonders "Did she just drift off again?" Since we worked things out the answer to that has been 100% no every time, but that doesn't stop me from still wondering...
I realize it's not fair to her because I am worried about something that has not even happened. Just not sure how to deal with it and avoid becoming "that guy"
The past issue may not even involve your partner, it could be from way back, something that has made you feel insecure. My Dad passed away when I was 11, I had two marriages and two divorces and only a few months ago did I realise that I was looking for my 'dad's love' that I had missed out on. It's not always obvious at first. Personally I would see a counsellor and try to work out where your insecurities are coming from.
Last edited by moderator2; 05-11-2011 at 06:23 PM.
I didn't give all the details at first, there is a reason I have high anxiety; we had a great first few months together before things went south. She is the kind of person that has had a lot of partners in the past and while that doesnt bother me because it is her past, she keeps in contacts with some of them.
For a while I had a bad feeling about one in particular since she talked about him a lot but swore she loved me, and I trust her and don't think she ever cheated. But things got rough for us and at one point I called everything off. We went a few days apart and got back together and it was really, really great. We communicated a lot, got everything out in the open and since that time have been closer than ever.
So why do I still have this anxiety?
We have no secrets from each other and after our brief break up we told each other what we were thinking during that time, and i found out that she was planning on going back with this guy. She said it was a way of moving on because she thought for sure we were done, but was glad she never made that final step. I do believe her, and trust her completely.
At the same time it bugs me a little that this guy is still in the picture. I dont want to be controlling or anything and tell her to stop all contact but honestly I would feel better if the guy just vanished. She knows how i feel about this and says she has no more contact with him. I believe her when she tells me but the insecure part of me gets my imagination going...
So now when I text her or don't see her for a while I have to fight off all these thoughts about what she may be doing....it's not fair to her because when we are together it is fantastic and our love for each other is unmistakable.
Yet as soon as I am apart from her I get concerned, then I see her again and it's ok; rinse lather and repeat.