I didn't give all the details at first, there is a reason I have high anxiety; we had a great first few months together before things went south. She is the kind of person that has had a lot of partners in the past and while that doesnt bother me because it is her past, she keeps in contacts with some of them.
For a while I had a bad feeling about one in particular since she talked about him a lot but swore she loved me, and I trust her and don't think she ever cheated. But things got rough for us and at one point I called everything off. We went a few days apart and got back together and it was really, really great. We communicated a lot, got everything out in the open and since that time have been closer than ever.
So why do I still have this anxiety?
We have no secrets from each other and after our brief break up we told each other what we were thinking during that time, and i found out that she was planning on going back with this guy. She said it was a way of moving on because she thought for sure we were done, but was glad she never made that final step. I do believe her, and trust her completely.
At the same time it bugs me a little that this guy is still in the picture. I dont want to be controlling or anything and tell her to stop all contact but honestly I would feel better if the guy just vanished.
She knows how i feel about this and says she has no more contact with him. I believe her when she tells me but the insecure part of me gets my imagination going...
So now when I text her or don't see her for a while I have to fight off all these thoughts about what she may be doing....it's not fair to her because when we are together it is fantastic and our love for each other is unmistakable.
Yet as soon as I am apart from her I get concerned, then I see her again and it's ok; rinse lather and repeat.
It's a draining cycle