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Old 05-24-2011, 06:26 PM   #16
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Re: Family

Thanks hun for your reply. Yes i love this board i like to try help people and be supportive as thats the type of person i am , and recieve the support too its great.

Sorry to hear about how your mum treated you that isnt nice , i know how you feel. Glad you have a lovely son in your life , its really sweet hearing you talk about him the way you do. Every parent should love there children no matter what. Some fail though which is really sad.

Update : I am feeling alot better now. I had my little vent and i appreciate that i have them in my life and have accepted this is the way my family is and that i can't change them. I still love them so much despite there behaviours. It could be worse.

 
Old 05-26-2011, 12:21 PM   #17
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Re: Family

You are SOO right it could be ALOT worse.I lost my dad in April to melanoma and it was one of the if not the hardest things i EVER had to go through. I moved in with him for the last 6 months of his life and took care of him as my mom died when i was 26 and my brother or sisters wouldnt step up to the plate to help me but i would NOT change one minute of our time together.I have all of those wonderful memories that no-one else does and some days thats all that gets me through.But anyway continue to hang in there and love your family i know it DOES get rough but now i have no mom or dad and i would give ANYTHING to have them back except i wouldn't want them here to suffer and suffer they did.TAKE CARE!!!!

 
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Old 05-26-2011, 12:24 PM   #18
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Re: Family

I am so sorry you had togo through that i felt the emotions from your words if you know what i mean. i couldnt ever imagine life without my family even though they can be annoying lol hehe!!!

 
Old 05-26-2011, 04:01 PM   #19
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Re: Family

You know what, sometimes it is not you. It is your family or the life style of your original family... The parents and the siblings... The value system... If you are the funny one or the odd one in the family, it does not mean you are bad. You are good.
I sometimes look at it this way: Ok, I got a big family myself - parents and 4 sisters and etc. I don't live in the same state and yet I have to see them at least once a year to see my parents. It is not fun but I certainly still got gains in terms of family gathering. But I never got any good mental health feedback. My mental health is poor if I am among them...
Anyway, I jump out of this family circle and say there are millions of people on earth, why just get upset over these people? Not to mean disrespect, but I have to breathe and be mentally healthy and positive...
No way to change the family - just cope with them.
So just think there are other people outside of family - your own groups and your own social circles and etc.
This does not mean you cannot be a good person - having a sad past with the family does not mean you are bruised and therefore not a good one to give love. It is not true. It depends on your choice - to hate them or love people back. It is a choice if you are able to be positive and save yourself.

Take care,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 05-26-2011 at 04:09 PM.

 
Old 05-26-2011, 04:17 PM   #20
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Re: Family

oooooh im definately a lover , not a hater. I am so loving to people and care alot about them. I am actually starting voluntary work within the next 2 week working in a drop in centre and the other either with admin or old people see which gets back to me.

I am definately a good person. As for family gatherings i do get along with them but i just feel like they have not much interest in anything i have to say , if i say something the answers will be basic and short , sometimes just do a smile and thats it no real conversations yet if other family members so much as say ''i couldnt sleep last night'' my parents have a big conversation with them , its annoying and it hurts but i am learning to accept it as its been going on for years. I am used to it i suppose.

I am just getting on with my own life.

Sorry to hear about your familys situation aswell familys are always complicated.

 
Old 05-27-2011, 10:05 AM   #21
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Re: Family

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Originally Posted by cryingforever View Post
oooooh im definately a lover , not a hater. I am so loving to people and care alot about them. I am actually starting voluntary work within the next 2 week working in a drop in centre and the other either with admin or old people see which gets back to me.

Sorry to hear about your familys situation aswell familys are always complicated.
Thanks for the comment. Well, on the surface, I got a great family. But I am not the exact clone or the right person for their expectations. Not exactly my fault. I was born with multiple disabilities with birth defect. Now I can do everything like a normal person, although not with this "first-rate" standard...
Also they are more conservative and I am more open. There are also cultural differences. Generation gaps... authority among the family... My parents set it up for a long time so we are stuck. It is a great family but I don't fit in mentally. Like you, I cannot make the conversation and fit in. It is their world.
I got my own world...

Anyway, this is not unusual. I think it is common indeed if the adult child is not the right "clone" or the right type that fits the family style.

Thanks for your post. It has helped me a lot. I know I am not alone.

Take care,
Nina

 
Old 05-27-2011, 10:38 AM   #22
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Re: Family

It absolutely DOES help ALOT to know that we are not alone with our feelings. I love coming to this board because nobody judges and everyone ALWAYS wants to help. I can come here and post stuff that i can't tell my family or else i can tell my family and they don't give a hoot!!! Hope to hear from you soon TAKE CARE!!!!

 
Old 05-28-2011, 12:41 PM   #23
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Re: Family

It seems common that parents take sides. Maybe they are closer to the other sibling and etc. My Mom is like that. My Mom really likes one of my sisters who happens to be the authority somewhat in the family. My sis does everything for my parents according to their requests. So naturally my Mom fends for this sister and fends for her abusive behaviors too. She is acting she is Ok Mom to the rest of us. I can tell she is just like her - they share the same value. I would say my Mom manipulated her in the beginning too but now she likes her best given the things she did.

My husband's Dad was not exactly interested my hubby's career either. However, he demanded my husband to pay attention to his Dad's career - active or retired. Either way it is not fair. What about my husband's career?
I doubt that this father-son relationship is really solid or deep - it is all about his Dad's career!!

Some parents are like that. My Mom didn't want me to have kids and she wanted my siblings to have kids. Now she told my nieces not to have kids. (My late brother didn't have kids so this may be haunting her so she said that.)

It is the parents' problems.

Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 05-28-2011 at 09:16 PM.

 
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Old 05-28-2011, 03:08 PM   #24
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Re: Family

Quote:
Originally Posted by ninamarc View Post
It seems common that parents take sides. Maybe they are closer to the other sibling and etc. My Mom is like that. My Mom really likes one of my sisters who happens to be the authority somewhat in the family. My sis does everything for my parents according to their requests. So naturally my Mom fends for this sister and fends for her abusive behaviors too. She is acting she is Ok Mom to the rest of us. I can tell she is just like her - they share the same value. I would say my Mom manipulated her in the beginning too but now she likes her best given the things she did.

My husband's Dad was not exactly interested my hubby's career either. However, he demended my husband to pay attention to his Dad's career - active or retired. Either way it is not fair. What about my husband's career?
I doubt that this father-son relationship is really solid or deep - it is all about his Dad's career!!

Some parents are like that. My Mom didn't want me to have kids and she wanted my siblings to have kids. Now she told my nieces not to have kids. (My late brother didn't have kids so this may be haunting her so she said that.)

It is the parents' problems.

Nina
Your mom has no right to ask people to not have kids. Hope you didnt listen to her lol. Thats selfish of her. Familys hey so annoying at times lol. x your husbands dad sounds the same too , selfish.

 
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