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Old 06-20-2011, 02:48 AM   #1
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Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (long)

I apologise this is going to be a bit long but I need to get all the background in so I can get solid advice.
Im 27, asian, been an only child of my mum (she was a single parent). Naturally we hav the closest bond as we only had/have eachother. She gave up her entire life (never remarried after her divorce) just to work and educate me and give me the best of love and home I could ever ask for. Shes very independent and still works 2 jobs until today (shes 59)..anyway I was always adamant that whenever I did marry I would not leave my mum as we are a package deal, and if a man loved me enough he would accept and understand the bond and responsibility towards her. Anyway I got a proposal from a guy who had been always asking, he worked in a store near home where I would always shop, I was studying at the time so I just said I wasnt ready for anything. In 2009 June (exactly 2 yrs ago) he asked again, I was completed with my studies so I thought about giving it a try. I was honest with him and i explained to him about my mother, he was fine with it, as all his family is overseas so he said he missed having a family and me and my mother being 2 women alone, he would love to marrry me still and was fine with my mum living with us.
I accepted this as as a sign from God that he was the man for me if he had such thoughts and qualities. Money and looks were never important traits for me, I always just wanted a man with good character and who could treat women and elders with respect. Anyway we spoke over the phone dated for a year and got married June 2010 ( one year ago) so technically i only knew him for a year before we got married. He is less educated than me, I earn atleast 4 times more than him ( i work in the corporate world) but all that didnt matter at the time. My mum and I own a house (small but its ours) so we all agreed that since he was renting somewher it just made more sense finacially and practically for him and I to live with mum in her house and we would all share the food, lights and water bills etc as there was no rent to pay. My mum lives her own life, she made it clear she would not interfere in our matters, we would all eat together but she didnt want to be a burden on us in anyway.
Well to get to the problem at hand, after a few months (3 or so) I began noticing characteristics of him that really bother me and now Im questioning this entire realtionship...

1. I lost my job after 5 months of marriage, my contract terminated. I was unemployed for 5 months and collecting unemployemnt grants after that (have now found a job for the past month) During the time I was unemployed, i in no way was a burden on him, I was constant looking for a job going for countless interviews etc..and as I had the unemployement money coming, i used that to contribute to my share in the house and not once asked for any money from him, besides like maybe milk, bread etc.
To note that when I was working the first 5 months, he didnt pay any lights and water etc as I would generously pay the entire bill as my salary was more and he would contributre to food etc. But since I was unemployted he had to pay the lights and water etc..
I noticed a huge change in his moods and attitude, he was constantly critisizing me, as if irritated that I was not working (even though I asked him for no money) He mentioned to me a couple of times that Im not looking for a job, im not making an efffort etc..he started picking fights with me for no reasons, and I think the underlying issue was he wanted me to get back to work as soon as possible.

2.I have a car, he doesnt. During the week for work his employers come to pick him up and drop him etc..he works Mon - Sat. Sundays are usually the only day that we have free to be together (bearing in mind we just got married..we should be wanting to spend as much time together as possible) Well he has a couple of friends that live together one is married..so every Sunday after braekfast I would go in the shower and then he takes my car to his friends (THIS IS THE ROUTINE EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY since we are married for a year) spends atleast 3-4 hours come home, asks me if i wana go out anywhere, if I say yes we go for a drive, maybe a movie maybe shopping after that, he drops me home in the evening and goes back to his friends again for maybe an hour or so. If i say no i dont feel like going anywher lets hang out together at home, watch TV cuddle, talk anything..he is moody and still goes back in the evening to sit with his frinds.
This really started to irritate me as I would be left sitting at home cooking and waiting and he is out with my car, doing God knows what..I confronted him, spoke to him about asked, why cant i come with like a normal couple and I could talk to the friends wife while you hanging out with the guys, Sundays are the only days we have togther. So as not to be clingy I told him its fine to have guy time alone..lets make it once a month you can have aSunday with ur friends alone and can go meet my girl buddies 2..the other Sundays we have for ourselves and if you must go and visit ur friends I can come with...He doesnt agree to this AT ALL..and why is it that I have to beg him to spend time with me, he seems to just want to spend time there all the time any free time he has.

3. Im not a bad wife, I fulfil every single duty of mine, his clothes are always washed , ironed, I come home from work cook, clean etc. Sexually (we were both virgins before marraige) even if Im not in the mood and he wants it, i do it for him.

4 His also been very very rude to my mum these days, she noticed the Sunday thing im always left home alone and she can see this, she tried to mention it to him and he strated being rude to her and using bad lanaguage. I cannot accept this.

5 Also his friends dont have a car, so they constantly phone him, take us shopping, pick us up, please do this ...and they dont seem to understand that this is my car! I dont mind him using it as we are husband and wife so everyting mine is his etc..but how can he use it for them all the tim and he still wants to spend Sundays with them, take my car and leave me alone!

6 He has a very bad temper and whenever I try to talk to him about an issue he goes off in a anger fit, walks off , never discusses things maturely, Threatens to slap me (he never has though) but he says it all the time.."Shut up or I'll slap you!" "How dare you control me? I need time with my friends, I can spend all day with you!" "you dont need to come with me, you can sit at home, I just go for 2-3 hours anyway!"

7 Lastly, I feel instead of wasting time with his freinds why doesnt he try to better himself for our future try and find ways to earn more (he doesnt want me to leave job, but why doesnt he try and find something that pays better) try to study and further himself for our future children etc.. iw anted to go off the pill and he said first find a job and get health insurance..does that mean that I will have the financial burden on me all the time..he is not even making an effort to improve himself and try and buy a car for himself. he wants me to buy another car, he drives my car for all frinds and to visit them evry weekend, not thinking that I need this car to drive to work evryday, the wear and tear etc..he never offers to help wit the car service or petrol etc.

8. I would accept everything (i know im dumb) and even take the financial burden if he could atleast give me time and love. I can take care of my own financial needs but if he is atleast there emotionally?

Yesterday was the same issue, only difference was that I woke up extra early cooked, showered etc before he got up. After he showered and had breakfast, 11.30 am...he stared the routine again, took the car keys and said im going for a while...this time I didnt stand for it..i said look im ready 2, what am I going to alone at home, ive finished dinner as well, why dont I come with u for a drive...he sulked, complained but took me with to the friends I sat and chatted with the friends wife and he sat wit the guys as we came home around lunch time he wanted to leave me home and then go back to sit with them!!! what the heck is that? So i said no lets have a romantic day, wel get a DVD just stay home and relax or lets go for coffee etc..so we stayed home, he was moody the entire time! Fnally after supper he says.."so, you got your way out today, huh? stuck to me the entire day!" (Imean is that something you say to ur wife?) so i replied.."no it think thats the way marrage is, you have to spend time with each other..i think im going to come with you every sunday now, ienjoyed chatting with the friends wife, we could really become good friends etc." He started a very bad argument..."Im the husband, you gotta listen to me, I wont have you controlling me!" then he suggested something.."he said ok, its going to one Sunday I spend with you and one Sunday I go there..!" so I said how can you have a routine like that in a marriage like I have to wait for "my Day" to spend A sunday with you...I told him we cant go on like this, your idea of marriage is different from mine, he refused to discuss it further when I asked him whats the solution to this, what have you decided to do about these Sunday things? he says "I dont need to tell you what I decide, just wait for the next sunday..wait and watch" I mean what kind of an answer is that? I was so hurt and disgusted that I mean so little to him..my feelings dont matter, im treated like a door mat.. I slept on the couch and when I left for work this morning he was still sleeping so we havent seen or spoken to eachother since the fight last nihght..Im at work so miserable, thinking about asking for a separation tonight. I feel I deserve so much better...im only 27, im not bad looking, I look after my weight, im educated, im working im independent, dont i deserve a man to love me repsect me treat me like Im the most important to him, coz thats what I do to him...but its like he doesnt apreciate it at all, I mean he doesnt pay rent, has a free car, cooked food everything and still I get treated like this...

PLease give me some advice,Am I overeracting? Is this my fault? From couples who are married, how was the first year? what do do u guys do on weekends? Do you include your spouse in activities etc...Please help me, I dont know if its worth it to stay married, is this the type of man that will be a good father? is he reliable? On the other hand to break up a marriage is not a small thing either..what to do?

 
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Old 06-20-2011, 03:53 AM   #2
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

Get rid of him, he treats you very badly and hes so so selfish and hes not mature enough to become a father he needs to grow a damn heart first and respect. You do deserve so much better you do ALOT for him, and he does nothing for you but leave you on your own and makes you feel unwanted when visiting friends. I hope you leave him as hes a awful man. Your young and got alot of years and life ahead of you , you dont need him in it else your life will remain sad lonely and depressed because of his selfishness. he doesnt seem into you anymore like he once was , i dont know why but its obvious. its annoying though reading how he was so desperate to marry you and waited 2 whole long years to propose again ,gets married then just treats you like crap......you deserve so much more. he needs to grow up and tell him ''no'' about the car , hes using your petrol and driving his friends around and not paying for petrol hes using you and taking advantage of the things you do for him.

Last edited by cryingforever; 06-20-2011 at 03:55 AM.

 
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Old 06-20-2011, 04:06 AM   #3
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

ok, I live in australia, and maybe things are different where u live, but even u know this is unnacceptable...He is getting FREE: SEX, CAR, COOK, WASHING, HOUSING, POWER/WATER, SECURITY, probably more. besided the sex, you do for him exactly like a mum,,,thats probly why he doesnt want you around his friends, your like his mum..He should be ashamed...Your man should be taking care of you,,,CHERISH YOU. I cant see ANY way that you are being fullfilled in this set up, but he is on a pretty good wicket.....He will not want to change things, because he stands to lose out, you will be better off, less people to care for, he be worse of, care for himself, provide for himself. Tell him if he likes his friends so much to go and marry them! You get back out into the dating scene while your young and pretty, and date Up..I mean upgrade your level of who you will consider, date people educated like u, who are independent, and mature, and not poor. Not poor and petty like your your 'crap weight around the neck dragging you down' husband that you are married to. Lifes to short to waste on selfish users.

 
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Old 06-20-2011, 04:07 AM   #4
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

Thanks Crying forever...
Hearing you telling me how it is like that, is what i really needed to hear I guess, Im just so miserable. My mum said the exact same words to me. Its only we come from a small community where divorce is like a horror, I know people are going to talk, but I guess I have to think about myself, coz he aint gona think about me, its evident from his behaviour I come last!
Gona muster up the courage to ask for a separation today. The thing is Im so damn soft and emotional and now Im feeling bad to tell him to get out, coz its my house but im feeling bad like im gona hurt his ego if i tell him to go..Im a dumb fool, and my mum says men will only take advantage until I dont start demanding respect from them.
Keep me in your prayers ..i confront him in about 5 hours from now

 
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Old 06-20-2011, 04:13 AM   #5
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

nightingale00 thank you soo much for those words.
I am gaining courage as I read them. Its as if God is speaking to me through all of you. He cant come down directly so he is telling me in this way.
I tried my best to make this work, I try everything and all he wants is to go to his friends, I started doubting myself because of him, like am not enough for him to want to spend time with, As if Im some sort of burden.
I really appreciate your honesty.
Please keep me in your prayers. He is very emotionally abusive and I am so submissive that everytime, I forgive when he just gives me a hug.
Im sort of hungry for love, but its making me look desperate.
Im going to try my best to take your advice very seriously. i have to confront him tonight.

 
Old 06-20-2011, 04:23 AM   #6
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

be strong, and dont worry what others will think, at the end of the day you are responsible for your circumstances...certainly dont wait for children, or it gets messy...maybe he needs a wakeup call, when he realises your serious, and not putting up with the rot anymore, he mite grow up, MAYBE, but be prepared to go all the way...if you dont need to its a bonus...be strong, corageous, and clear of mind..

 
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Old 06-20-2011, 07:29 AM   #7
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

Quote:
Originally Posted by nightingale00 View Post
be strong, and dont worry what others will think, at the end of the day you are responsible for your circumstances...certainly dont wait for children, or it gets messy...maybe he needs a wakeup call, when he realises your serious, and not putting up with the rot anymore, he mite grow up, MAYBE, but be prepared to go all the way...if you dont need to its a bonus...be strong, corageous, and clear of mind..
I agree that you need to be strong, but I think you need more than personal strength: you need to protect yourself and your mother. I am not trying to scare you, but you can never be sure about what kind of reaction your husband may have when you tell him the news, especially because you are planning on asking him to leave. He will probably say to you: "I have no other place to go..."

So, if there are no male or senior members in your family, I would encourage you to first talk to a lawyer and, if adequate, to your religious leader about what you are planning to do. You may have to wait one or two days until you gather the information (about personal safety) these people may want to provide you with.

I don't think you should do all of this alone or rely only on your mother. You may need the backup from other "strong" people. You should tell other people in your life about what is going on and what your plans are.

Be strong, but also be safe.

Last edited by pendulum; 06-20-2011 at 07:30 AM.

 
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Old 06-20-2011, 09:49 AM   #8
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

I can't believe he actually said: ..."Im the husband, you gotta listen to me, I wont have you controlling me!" OUCH! Those are some tough words to hear from someone who's supposed to love you unconditionally. I will say that your desperateness (is that a word?) is seriously causing you trouble you don't need. Try very hard to back off from that place of neediness. Try to be more demanding, you spelled out what makes you a "great catch", now believe it! Kick his sorry butt to the curb (possibly with police present) and move on to what you truly deserve and please don't jump at the first man who shows you affection. Sorry with the tough words but I think you really need to hear them at this point.

 
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Old 06-21-2011, 12:32 AM   #9
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

Whoopee and pendulum, thank you so much for your true and honest words.
They are not harsh, its the truth and hearing it from third parties makes it all the more clearer to me.

We do not have any male members of the family as my mums also has no brothers. Her brother in law and sister stay about 200km/1.5 hours away from us so taking your advice we contacted them last night and let them know whats happening so they are aware of the situation.

The latest is that he never came home yesterday. I was all set to confront him and sort this out one way or another, I waited and waited and he never came home, no call no text nothing. At 11pm i was starting to worry, thought about calling him on his mobile, but my mum stopped me, she said just leave it lets see what he does. He was probably at his friends place ( where else could he go)

He probably did this just to make me worry coz he knows how I am, but I controlled myself and didnt contact him. Lets see if he comes home tonight. Another one of his immature stunts, he can never confront and discuss things like a mature man, he always runs away like a coward.
He has done this so many times, everytime I wnt to discuss an issue with him, he takes the key and runs out late at night and atleats 3 times before I have had to run out and look for him alone in the streets, and when I come home, I find him sitting and watching TV, so he made me run behind him for nothing. My mum said never to run behind him like that again coz thats why he keeps on doing it, coz I always follow him like a desperate fool and go look for him. So I didnt call him or text him to ask where he was last night..last night was the first time he stayed the whole night though. Normally he would always come home. Its like he wants to punish me for standing up for myself or my rights.

Whenever I say my opinion he always shuts me down and says "When I talk just listen to me." and it could be the silliest of thing. I mean sometimes I have to correct him, I am far more educated than him, my english is a thousand times better. I have professional qualification and he only finished high school but still whenevr I try to voice my opinion he shuts me down. But when it comes to me looking for work then he forces me, "You are so educated, how can you let it waste, try and look for a better job"

Anyway miserable again today, lets see if he comes home tonight and whats his mood like. Im not used to screaming and shouting as I wasnt brought up that way. And lately Im afraid to open my mouth coz he shoots off at the slightest thing. Like I said he has never hit me, but he has pushed me aside couple of times in an argument. Ii dont think however that he is capapble of physically abusing me, he just has a temper and yells.

So the confrontation is postponed until the King decides to come home again, maybe tonight. Please keep me in your prayers, I need them.

 
Old 06-21-2011, 09:09 PM   #10
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

I have a slightly different opinion. I think he is independent and needs time to pursue his own interests. I don't think it's right that he excludes you from his friends and takes your car, but he's a different person from you and he has different needs. Maybe he finds it stressful living with you and your mother, and he needs to blow off steam with his friends away from both of you. He seems immature though, and irresponsible to be not furthering himself with education or trying to get a better job. He kind of sounds like a user. I think you could have done better in selecting a husband. I think you needed someone more educated and responsible. He needs to get a better job and his own car. He does say things that are not how he should feel towards his wife. The comments about wanting to slap you are not good. But, I kind of feel like you made your bed and now you're having to lie in it. You're expecting more closeness from him than he feels comfortable with, and that may be driving him away more. It seems like you could have compromised with some Sundays he spends with you, and some he spends with his friends. I also feel like you are very loyal to your mother, but your mother is not going to live forever. And if you put your mother first, it's just too easy to get rid of your husband and not try to work things out, because you have your mother to fall back on. If you don't try to work things out with your husband, you'll be without a husband, and then when your mother gets older, you'll be left with no one if you don't try to separate from your mother enough to cultivate a relationship with a husband. I can understand you wanted emotional support from your husband, but men are not emotional creatures. So the temptation is to be buddies with your mom, but maybe he feels left out. Of course, him not coming home is pretty childish and is a bad sign. Maybe he's just not capable of being the kind of husband you need. I guess you should have not married him after only a year of knowing him, because it's hard to say if this is just a rough patch, or if he would not make a good father. Good luck.

 
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Old 06-21-2011, 11:58 PM   #11
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

Hi mugwump
Thanks for your insight, its quite different from what others have said and is now making me feel maybe I was too clingy, maybe he needs to just be with his friends on sundays, but I guess not with my car, I could always drop him off there and go and do something by myself. I guess now Im having second thoughts that maybe its my fault too, thats why needed advice from others who ar married to let me know if this is how it is with all men, coz my friends and their husbands always seem to be doing things together. And my idea of a marriage was not to exclude your wife from your friends but try and include her in the friendship as well. maybe im wrong.
As to my relationship with my mother, I agree we are somewhat unnaturally attached, but he knew this before we got married, Besides his mum is far away and if he could give my mum a chance she is the most loving person I know, he could find a mothers love in her too. Thats what we thought in the beginning. And she doesnt interfere with us at all, we do our own thing, just have supper together.

Thanks again for your response.

 
Old 06-22-2011, 01:25 AM   #12
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

I don't think you're being too clingy at all. What is so wrong with wanting to spend one day a week with the man you married. I've been married for 18 years and my husband still makes our family his priority. He has his own time, but the majority of his time, when he's not at work, is with us. When he goes out we usually go out as a couple or with the kids.

From what you posted your husband spends no quality time with you at all. You've tried asking him to alternate his weekends between you and his friends and he wasn't interested, you've tried going with him and he took you under sufference and didn't really want you there.

What is he doing about getting a better job? What right does he have to tell you to better yourself when you're already doing better than him and he's content to stay as he is.

You don't think he's capable of physical abuse, yet shoving you is physical abuse, even if it's not as extreme as punching you. He has a temper and yells at you, shoves you, you need to be careful that this doesn't escalate into much worse as a lot of times this is how it starts.

 
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Old 06-22-2011, 01:39 AM   #13
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

<I think> that men are not emotional is a wrong generalization, but again that is beyond what we are talking about here.

In every conflict both parties have their own responsibilities, if you see what I mean.

I agree that you married him too quickly only to find out that he is immature and difficult to cope with, but we all make mistakes.

It seems you guys are quite incompatible and I wouldn't be surprised to hear you say it feels like you are from different planets.

Divorce seems to be the best option here, but try and make it amicable, not putting all the blame on him. You are both unhappy and love doesn't seem to be there any more. Is there any use in going on like this?

Next time around, you should try to live in a different house than your mother's. Even if she never interferes, a couple needs to have their own home, their own time and space, especially at the beginning of their marriage life.

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Old 06-22-2011, 01:43 AM   #14
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Ely4 thanks immensely for your response and perspective. Thats exactly what I wanted to know, how other married couples spend their weekends. Also being that we are only married for 1 year, isnt this the time when we spend as much time together, ther are so many fun stuff to do, I suggested going to the gym, going for a walk, I mean why choose to spend your life with someone and then need space alone.
Sunday is the only day we can be together, i also have friends but i cant go to them EVERY sunday coz they busy with their husbands. I thought one sunday a month is still reasonable but he needs to pop in there every single weekend! I didnt know if I was crazy or is this normal?
As it is during the week due to work (Mon-Sat) we only see eachother at 7 pm, we eat, pray and then sleep at 10pm so its just a routine which is fine, but thats why sundays are all the more important so we can do other stuff together. im always suggesting things in advance to try and keep him interested. I mean I cant go on like this, I dread Sundays coz I know whats going to happen. Its not supposed to be like that, you are supposed to look forward to a sunday. by the way if its a public holiday as well during the week he will go and see his friends, and the weird part is that when I said cant I come with you, his response was "I cant take you with all the time, they will lose respect for you, your value will decrease if you go there all the time, if I take you only sometimes then theyl treat you like a guest and make you special, but if I take you every week it looks stupid" I mean does that make sense, he can go there every week but If i go I lose my value???

And I try and incorpate his friends like I always suggest why dont we invite them over whenever theres a festival, i dont mind cooking, lets call them here once in a while instead of you always going there.

I wonder if secretly his friends also must be thinking it weird that he comes there alone every Sunday? I mean we just got married he should be proud to take his wife with him everywhere, especially since he going with MY car!

All the more confused and dunno what to do now, he finally came home last night went straight to his room...giving me the silent treatment. We havent spoken since Sunday, living like strangers, im sleeping on the couch. I come home from work cook supper and sit in the living room. He came home, went in the kitchen, ate his food and went to the bedroom and closed the door, that means no communication. So i just stayed in the living room all night. Had a shower this morning, left his breakfast on the table and left for work..he was still sleeping. He didnt try to talk to me, call me to bed, nothing!

He feels Im wrong, he is too proud to admit he was wrong, will never say sorry, I always have to go and make up and sort things out. he will never make the first move. Like a child he will continue the silenet treat,ents for weeks and days until I finally have to give in and go and talk to him first.
Dunno what to do this time, should I stand firm and show him I mean it this time, or go and say im tired of this i want to separatae, or just forget everything take the blame as usual and go and pacify him and get back to "normal" again.

pendulum I agree we are both making eachother miserable it seems.
I would also love to end it amicably if possible. I hate to fight and and have this tension all the time. I guess i will probably miss him too, but miss what i cant say. Mum asked me to think about one thing of his that I love and see if thats important enough to accept all the bad.
I sat and thought and thpught and I guess the only thing is when he says i love you which is very rare, usually just a sign off when we text eachother at work..thats the only thing that gives me happiness, but then love is not suposd to be said its supposed to be felt and shown I guess..
And has he shown me love with his actions? No, I didnt get a birthday gift from him, not even just a card! No wedding ring...nothing that I can say is from him.
But i wasnt in it for material items, I just wanted emotional support love and understanding, but im not even getting that.Sexually also Im not satified, ive never had an orgasm once! He is usually finished in 1-2 min maybe less even, and then he just goes back to sleep, wont even try a second time to please me. Selfish in bed, selfish in every way. So that "I love you" is jst aphrase I guess coming from him.
I have alot of thinking to do. Regarding my mother, we live in a very crime filled area, and she is short of hearing if I had to leave her all by herself and move far, I would die of worry and never be happy. we did consider building a separate apartment for her in the backyard with her own kitchen and living room and separate entrance, later we just dont have the money at the moment, but the plan was to build for her (the yard is very big) so she could be separare but still close.
She also had an accident in Aug 2010 last year where she burnt her hands and face so lucky I was around to care for her. I cant let her be far away from me..shes too important!

Last edited by Mod-S4; 06-22-2011 at 06:18 PM.

 
Old 06-22-2011, 07:03 AM   #15
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Re: Really depressed.need advice contemplating asking for divorce/separation today (l

Quote:
Originally Posted by fjeeva001 View Post

...........

He feels Im wrong, he is too proud to admit he was wrong, will never say sorry, I always have to go and make up and sort things out. he will never make the first move. Like a child he will continue the silenet treat,ents for weeks and days until I finally have to give in and go and talk to him first.
Dunno what to do this time, should I stand firm and show him I mean it this time, or go and say im tired of this i want to separatae, or just forget everything take the blame as usual and go and pacify him and get back to "normal" again.
Sorry to intrude on here, but I think it's high time you talked to a lawyer about the divorce. Get the information you need before approaching your husband again. Be prepared, otherwise he may try to convince you to take him back, and honestly I don't think you want to do that.

 
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