Originally Posted by IDK77
I agree with both of you absolutly. At my last job I didn't answer her and she actually called the office and had me paged saying it was an emergency. It is just the position I am in is a bad one. My family background is a bad one that I got out of. I literally don't talk to anyone in my family anymore. So that complicates things with the state of my finacial situation. I have thought long and hard about just leaving sometimes but the problem is I have no one to turn to even for a night. I just feel like I can't have a serious discussion with her especially not here. Then the other side of me says with the situation we are in if she isn't gonna pull her weight and get a job to help why should I. I know thats not realistic but thats just how I feel sometimes. I just wish I had a wife that could help contribute if I'm down I feel like I am in this alone. This person isn't the same person I married. Thank you it feels good to be able to talk to someone. One of these days when I have some time I will write about my family life maybe it will help you understand a little more about me growing up we didn't express our feelings we just held it in didn't address it and eventually it lead to none of us talking anymore. I see that I still hold in my feelings as an adult and it is really eating me up inside
It sounds like you both have some issues, and- unlike some of the other posters- I disagree that all your problems will be solved if you just ditch her. It sounds like the problems are not hers alone.
It's difficult to find help when you're poor and uninsured, and suffering from psychological problems. Trust me, I know.
Sometimes, even when you know
that you and/or your partner need professional help, you just can't get it, and that's all there is to it. You might have to look for another way to help yourselves.
One thing I can recommend, re: the separation anxiety.
Tell her that you need time apart from her occasionally, but that you will always be back. ALWAYS. Tell her that you will not be accepting her calls while you are away (wherever you're going- to the store, job-hunting,whatever).
And leave her with something- a personal item of yours that she knows
you need: your wallet, for example. Your driver's license. Something you'd ordinarily never be without.
That should help convince her that you are not sneaking away forever, never to return.
Tell her, "I know you feel afraid when we're apart, although I'm not sure why. Maybe you think that one of these days, I won't come back. I will always come back, though, and that's why I'm leaving this (wallet, cell phone, whatever) with you, so that you'll know for sure I'm coming back, and you won't have to worry and stress out about me leaving forever."
This often works with children who suffer from separation anxiety, and I see no reason why it wouldn't help your wife.
I think you'll need to get this problem resolved before either one of you can find work, unless you are able to find a job that will hire you both and allow you to remain attached at the hip (which is highly doubtful).
I think you should try my suggestion tonight. Give her some personal item of yours to hold, and then leave for awhile; go out for a long walk or something. See if having something of yours calms her anxiety at all. Maybe leave her your cell phone, that way she won't be able to pester you with calls while you're out.
Best of luck.