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Old 07-08-2011, 12:27 PM   #1
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Anyone good with words?

For those of you who have read my previous posts, things are getting better. Most importantly, I'm very, very close to a job offer from three different companies! Yay!

When that comes through, I will be communicating this to Joe, telling him that I'll be soon out of the house, etc.

As part of that letter, I'd like to include an offer (for lack of a better term). I want to tell him these things:

1. He's hurt me very badly but ... I'm still very fond (? not sure that's the best word to use) of him
2. At one time he and I had something very good and very hard to find
3. Finalizing this split is going to cost us both a lot in practical, emotional and financial ways
4. Ultimately, we're trading one set of problems for another
5. Working things out between us would serve our greater good

Usually, I'm very good with words but I just can't find the right ones for this. Either I sound much too sappy or way too pragmatic. Anyone have any suggestions?

 
Old 07-08-2011, 01:34 PM   #2
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Re: Anyone good with words?

I'll let you what I tell anyone who needs to write a letter, a song etc. Just sit down and put pen to paper and see what comes out. You may start and stop numerous times but you may be surprised at how well it goes if you'll just start the effort. Good Luck!

 
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:47 PM   #3
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whoopee View Post
I'll let you what I tell anyone who needs to write a letter, a song etc. Just sit down and put pen to paper and see what comes out. You may start and stop numerous times but you may be surprised at how well it goes if you'll just start the effort. Good Luck!
I know, I know. But this time, the words just aren't flowing the way they should. Here's what I've come up with so far:

You and I had something very rare and very real. It went beyond the hearts and flowers of most romances and left us with a true and abiding friendship. It spoke to the core of who we are and how we live our lives. It accommodated our differences and celebrated our similarities. We shared hopes, dreams and goals. Two people, two lives, one future, one forever. Unfortunately, we foolishly let it slip away.

So now what will serve us best? To proceed down this path, take the damage it inflicts and forge ahead hoping to find that needle in a haystack? Someone else we can form those bonds and that future with? Or would it be better to begin instead to repair the damage done and move forward with one we know we can trust and respect? One last chance … it’s your call.


I'm okay with the first paragraph but not the second.

 
Old 07-08-2011, 01:59 PM   #4
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Honestly, that's not a bad start. I can really feel your devotion and your "heart". I can also tell you're up for the challenge, understanding it won't be easy. Now the balls in his court, so to speak. I really think you did real good!

 
Old 07-08-2011, 04:27 PM   #5
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tmwindy View Post
I know, I know. But this time, the words just aren't flowing the way they should. Here's what I've come up with so far:

You and I had something very rare and very real. It went beyond the hearts and flowers of most romances and left us with a true and abiding friendship. It spoke to the core of who we are and how we live our lives. It accommodated our differences and celebrated our similarities. We shared hopes, dreams and goals. Two people, two lives, one future, one forever. Unfortunately, we foolishly let it slip away.

So now what will serve us best? To proceed down this path, take the damage it inflicts and forge ahead hoping to find that needle in a haystack? Someone else we can form those bonds and that future with? Or would it be better to begin instead to repair the damage done and move forward with one we know we can trust and respect? One last chance … it’s your call.


I'm okay with the first paragraph but not the second.
I think it sounds great hun.

 
Old 07-08-2011, 05:01 PM   #6
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tmwindy View Post
I know, I know. But this time, the words just aren't flowing the way they should. Here's what I've come up with so far:

You and I had something very rare and very real. It went beyond the hearts and flowers of most romances and left us with a true and abiding friendship. It spoke to the core of who we are and how we live our lives. It accommodated our differences and celebrated our similarities. We shared hopes, dreams and goals. Two people, two lives, one future, one forever. Unfortunately, we foolishly let it slip away.

So now what will serve us best? To proceed down this path, take the damage it inflicts and forge ahead hoping to find that needle in a haystack? Someone else we can form those bonds and that future with? Or would it be better to begin instead to repair the damage done and move forward with one we know we can trust and respect? One last chance … it’s your call.


I'm okay with the first paragraph but not the second.
English is not my first language, you know. I think I can be rather good with words in my own language, if I am inspired, lol. So take my advice with a pinch of salt, will you?

First, wouldn't you rather speak your piece than writing it? I don't know if Joe has the patience of reading letters, and anyway speaking conveys the emotions better than writing, that goes without saying. Do you expect he will respond to you? And if he does, will he write another letter? Probably not, because he may think that you write letters much better than him and he wouldn't like to suffer from the comparison... Will he phone you? Send you an email? Or simply ignore you? I guess you have no clue about what may happen.

Second, your first paragraph speaks of the past, whereas the second of the future. I think you are being a bit too assertive in your first paragraph. That you and he had something very rare and very real, that it went beyond the hearts and flowers of most romances and left you with a true and abiding friendship, etc, may be very true, but it is your opinion. He may not think the same, or if he ever did think the same, he might have changed now. If you want to send this paragraph this way, I would suggest that you should use expressions like: I think/I thought/It was my belief... so that you are not really imposing your ideas on him, if you see what I mean.

Third, the second paragraph, deny it as you may, is asking him to take you back, with a slight threat (menace), because if he doesn't, well, both of you will be lost, looking for a needle in haystack. Again this is your opinion, which he may or may not partake of.

Basically, it is a beautiful letter, well-written, but I am afraid you are kind of casting your pearls to the pigs. In other words, from what you have told us about Joe, he is not waiting for such a letter, he won't probably welcome it, he has already made his decision (he may have seen his mistake, but he is too proud to turn back) and wants to follow his way by himself, or what do I know?

I know how you feel, and I feel (it) for you, but if I were you I would only write a letter (or maybe send an email) when I found a job and were ready to leave the house. Maybe I would try to find a careful and thoughtful way of confirming his decision to pay your money back - how, when, and where? - and leave it at that. I wouldn't really pour out my heart at this point, but just be pragmatic, even if that would keep hurting me. It will pass...

Sorry, this was a damper.

Last edited by pendulum; 07-08-2011 at 05:04 PM.

 
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Old 07-08-2011, 05:02 PM   #7
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Ok, here's the current version. I'm liking it much better now. (The reference to the rocking chairs and porch are references to a special conversation we had long ago and "Fairy tale gone awry" is a quote I've always loved.)


You and I had something very rare and very real. It went beyond the hearts and flowers of most romances and left us with a true and abiding friendship. It spoke to the core of who we are and how we live our lives. It accommodated our differences and celebrated our similarities. We shared hopes, dreams and goals. Two people, two lives, two rocking chairs - one future, one forever, one porch. Unfortunately, we foolishly let it slip away.

So now what will serve us best? To proceed down this path, take the damage it inflicts and forge ahead hoping to find that needle in a haystack? Someone else we can form those bonds and that future with? Or would it be better to try instead to repair the damage done and move forward with one we know we can trust and respect? Our fairy tale may have gone awry but this doesn’t have to be The End. One last chance … it’s your call.

 
Old 07-08-2011, 05:09 PM   #8
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Not a damper, Whooppee ... I appreciate your honesty. The funny part is ... what I've shared here IS the second part of the whole letter. The first part IS to announce that I've found a job thus letting him know I will soon be moving out.

Writing to him is the only avenue open to me. Truthfully, I don't expect it to do any good ... now. Joe has had his head in the sand about what exactly this is going to mean to his life. When he DID finally have to face some of what he'll be losing, he got teary-eyed. (You're never met anyone who is better at denying their own emotions than Joe is). I really just want to get these words out there before he begins to face the real truth of what it's going to be like so that he remembers the option.

Maybe I need to work on it a little more. I'm trying to just let him know the door is still ajar ... not try to pull him through it if he doesn't want to go.

 
Old 07-08-2011, 07:01 PM   #9
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Re: Anyone good with words?

So, forgive me for being dense...but you are attempting to get him back?

 
Old 07-09-2011, 06:50 PM   #10
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Re: Anyone good with words?

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So, forgive me for being dense...but you are attempting to get him back?
*laugh* You're not dense, Cadence. And I'm glad it wasn't perfectly clear. I just want him to know the door is open, that's all.

 
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Old 07-09-2011, 09:18 PM   #11
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Quote:
Second, your first paragraph speaks of the past, whereas the second of the future. I think you are being a bit too assertive in your first paragraph. That you and he had something very rare and very real, that it went beyond the hearts and flowers of most romances and left you with a true and abiding friendship, etc, may be very true, but it is your opinion. He may not think the same, or if he ever did think the same, he might have changed now. If you want to send this paragraph this way, I would suggest that you should use expressions like: I think/I thought/It was my belief... so that you are not really imposing your ideas on him, if you see what I mean.

Third, the second paragraph, deny it as you may, is asking him to take you back, with a slight threat (menace), because if he doesn't, well, both of you will be lost, looking for a needle in haystack. Again this is your opinion, which he may or may not partake of.

Basically, it is a beautiful letter, well-written, but I am afraid you are kind of casting your pearls to the pigs. In other words, from what you have told us about Joe, he is not waiting for such a letter, he won't probably welcome it, he has already made his decision (he may have seen his mistake, but he is too proud to turn back) and wants to follow his way by himself, or what do I know?

I agree with all of this.
I have been the recipient of a similar letter, and- as Pendulum says- I didn't feel the same way as the letter-writer, and found the sentiments expressed in the letter presumptuous, to say the least. It just made me uncomfortable, and sort of embarrassed.

tmwindy, if writing this letter and giving it to him is therapeutic to you, then do it. But don't expect it to have any effect on him.

Best of luck, and I hope you find happiness one way or the other.

 
Old 07-09-2011, 11:34 PM   #12
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Re: Anyone good with words?

You all have given me a great idea. I've taken in everything you've said. Some points I thought were valid, others maybe not so much.

It was trying to tweak the first paragraph, to take it from being a statement to being just my point of view that did it. I kept trying to make it an "I think" or "I believe" statement but that just didn't feel right. Then I hit upon the phrase "For a time" and that naturally segued into "Once upon a time" and Bingo! Inspiration struck.

The very first gift I ever gave Joe was a little tiny silver frog with a gold crown. He stuck him to the instrument panel of his truck and last time I looked, it was still there. On the day I leave the house for the last time, I want to leave Joe a card with a picture on the front of a frog and a tipped over crown. I want a castle in the background and a princess walking away.

Inside will be something similar to what I've already written for the first paragraph but I will amend it to fit with that "Once upon a time" beginning and my ending so far is looking something like:

Fairy tales really can come true but no one ever talks about the hard work and courage that goes into making them. And now our fairly tale has gone awry. My prince has slipped off his crown and banished the princess from the castle. We’ll put that book on our shelf of memories and look for new ones to open. I just want you to know that if you ever miss the princess, her friendship or her love, she’s hasn’t gone as far as never, never land. She’s right there, as close as your phone.

Keep it light-hearted and a little silly, but memorable. Always leave 'em wanting more, right? I think this will accomplish what I want ... to let him know the door hasn't been slammed shut and may still be ajar.

Now, I just have to either find someone to draw it for me (probably way too expensive) or find art images that will work!

 
Old 07-10-2011, 04:19 AM   #13
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Re: Anyone good with words?

Hey, do you mean to tell him - indirectly or not - that you will always be available to him? As if all he needed to do was ... claping his hands?

Oh, no, you can't do that....

Last edited by pendulum; 07-10-2011 at 04:21 AM.

 
Old 07-10-2011, 06:34 AM   #14
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Re: Anyone good with words?

No, I didn't mean to say that and I really don't think he'll take it that way either.

 
Old 07-10-2011, 09:01 AM   #15
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Re: Anyone good with words?

I agree with pendulum, you are kind of making it seem like you will wait forever ("if you ever...she hasn't gone...she's right there...") as though you will keep your life in a holding pattern until he decides he wants you back. And that even if he never decides that he does want to try again, you will STILL be waiting.

It's a romantic idea, but not a realistic one. I've have a friend who decided to "wait" for a man who broke up with her to change his mind and "realize what we had" and want her back, and she waited 16 YEARS...and he even married someone else (two different times with two different women!) and she is still waiting, refusing to date others, believing that he is THE ONE and no one else will do. She's always wanted marriage and babies and now she's too old for babies. It's sad.

I hope you aren't planning to go to that extreme.

And now that someone else mentioned it...haven't you already told him that you are ready and willing to try again and he responded rudely? What will you do if you send this letter and he either responds rudely or ignores it?

 
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