So as some of you know I have posted a couple of times on this board...however I have another issue that I would like outside advice on.
I recently quite my really good paying research position to finish school. While I am looking for another job (a part-time position) I have not found that yet and my boyfriend and I are really struggling with finances. I try am trying not to be bitchy because he is pretty much taking care of me right now. I try to help out as much as possible....I have enough to buy the groceries and I do, plus I take care of the house work since he is taking care of the bills.
Anyways we are a young couple (27 and 29) and I don't know if we will make it through this. Again I apply for jobs everyday (even positions that are well below what I can do) but I haven't gotten any bites....He comes home from work and doesn't really talk to me anymore. Sometimes he will give me a form of affection and other times he will go upstairs or into our bedroom without saying more than two words. To some this may not seem like a concern but it was never like this when I was working. We used to talk about EVERYTHING and now it is like he is just my roommate.
He does suffer from depression (he sees a psychiatrist and takes anti-depressants) but he has suffered from it since I have known him. Also THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART
....The other day he told me that he made a list of the good things in his life and the bad things....I asked him if he minded sharing and he said sure. He shared a bit of it and then the subject changed...a day or so later I was sitting at his desk and I saw the list.
On the bad side it said things like:
My job is not respectable.
Lindsey and I fight all the time. (that is me)
His dad doesn't respect him.
My apartment is messy. (which it isn't....at least not in my point of view...I keep it as clean as possible....sometimes I leave the dishes overnight...)
On the good side it said things like:
He is getting in shape.
Lindsey is really good in bed.
Then a bit further down there is a "good" category that says: past. Underneath past it says his ex girlfriend's name that he was in love with.
What does that mean? She put him through hell....so why would he put her name down? Does he want to go back to her? Her life is much better than mine(at least on the surface). She comes from a wealthy family and has a good stable job....
I don't want to confront him about it because even though he told me about the list he didn't mention the part about his ex.
Also I love him very much and I do ask him if he is happy in our relationship. But he gets upset and doesn't answer me....actually he does answer and this is his response: I know that you are trying to test my love for you so I am not going to answer...
-so confused and don't know what to do.