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Old 09-03-2011, 09:33 AM   #1
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My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

Hi everyone,

I posted a thread in here a couple of months ago, about how I was in love with someone other than my girlfriend...I'm grateful for the advice I received in that thread...that (amongst other things) led to making the difficult- but correct- decision to end it with her. The other girl...ironically, she doesn't actually want to know- which is fairly gutting in its own way, but she was the catalyst towards the correct decision, so I'm doing my utmost to look at it in a positive light.

Anyway... long story short, my girlfriend owes me in excess of £500. It was for our holiday that I paid for in its entirety. (She was struggling for cash at the time)- we agreed a payment plan- she started a new job in July, and we agreed that Iíd get half with her first pay cheque, and the other half the following month. 2 weeks after the holiday ended it... I finished with her. (Timing was never my strong point)- tbh though, I was doing both her and myself a disservice staying with her- I ended it the best way I could- and we've been on good terms since, which is remarkable considering what she was saying she'd be like if I ever broke up with her

It got to the other day- when I knew she'd been paid- and I asked tentatively about the money. She said that upon breaking up with her, I said 'Don't worry about the money'- this is a half truth. She brought it up as I was finishing with her, and at the time, I said 'don't worry about the money for now'- I was hardly going to say 'yeh, I'm leaving you...AND i need your cash ASAP'- but to say it wasn't an indefinite offer is an understatement...it was NEVER agreed that this holiday would be my gift or anything of the sort.

She is since adamant that I'm not receiving a penny...that 'after what you did, i don't think i should give it you anyway' and that 'you may as well have cheated on me as you had feelings for someone else which is the same' and that 'I won't be in a job soon probably anyway, thanks to you and the emotional distress you've put me through'.

So....yeh, doesn't look good. Now, if we were talking £50, £100 something like that, I'd let it slide, as, after all, I ended it with her..but it's a lot of money for me. Now, I owe my parents money (they helped me out during my PGCE at Uni last year)- not loads but I don't like being in debt to them- having not secured a full time post yet, money is tight to say the least. (beggars the question why I paid for such an expensive holiday...but that's a different matter i guess ) My Mother is insistent I chase this through the small claims court- for me, the thought of that sounds stressful, convoluted and I already know my ex is telling people I'm trying to extort her of 'her' money- taking her to court wouldn't look good. (I said we can have a modified payment plan...even £50 per month or so, but still no) On the flip side...part of me wants to go through with it, as it's my money- but then I wonder...there is no guarantee I'll win...despite how it looks, she could turn round and say I always said it was a gift to her and I'm just being bitter. Also, there's the legal fees...I'm sure they wouldn't be substantial for a small claim but I've no actual idea how much it would end up costing.

Just wondered what others would do in my situation? Pursue the claim? Or write it off as a mistake and learn from it, and never have to deal with her again?

Cheers

 
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Old 09-03-2011, 11:18 AM   #2
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Re: My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

Treat the situation like a day at an amusement park.... You had a few good rides, some not so good. You got to enjoy the time you spent there but you'll never get that money back.

She sounds bitter. You probably weren't a gentlmen when this all went down and when it comes to upsetting a woman that owes you money.....kiss it goodbye.

In my humble opinion, don't be a jerk, let it go and let her go too. Enjoy the rest of your life with the knowledge that if someone doesn't have the money NOW, chances are they won't have it later either.
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Old 09-03-2011, 11:31 AM   #3
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Re: My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

I am in a somewhat similar situation, however things are a bit flipped. I was the one cheated on and cheated out of my money. I took out a school loan to pay off my ex's debt. I did it because we were in a committed, long-term (7 year) relationship and he guaranteed he was in it for the long-haul. Well, surprise, surprise, a year or so later he left me for an 18 year old girl he met at the college he does security for. I guess at the time he was committed, but of course things change...I will not be getting a penny from him for repayment as he is not a stand-up guy (as evident by his cavorting around with girls years younger than him while his girlfriend is at home, asleep). I also do not have anything in writing that says he would pay me back given a separation. So, I am stuck with paying off a loan that paid off his debt for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't even count on her paying you back. I am not saying that she is 100% correct in feeling like you don't deserve the money, but I also can see from her perspective that you were the one who technically cheated (affair of the heart) and you are the one who ended it and she feels you don't deserve it by right of the wrong you did. Again, I want to emphasize that its not morally right for her to not pay you back, but think how she feels right about now? She feels dejected, her self-esteem is most likely shot and she doesn't have a job? First, she is most likely feeling vindictive due to all of the hurt this caused her and second, if she is not employed, how can she even begin to pay you back? If I had owed my ex money and before he left me to go snuggle and love up on another girl, he'd asked me for the money I owed him, I'd tell him where to stick it.
I am not sure how small claims works in the UK, but here in the US, it would really not be worth taking her to small claims for that amount, ESPECIALLY if you do not have solid proof she agreed to pay you back. A verbal agreement does not mean a thing in the courts.
What I would do is to give her some time. Let her move on a bit and she will perhaps gain some clarity and feel that she does need to pay you back as that is the right thing to do. Then again, she may never feel you deserve to be paid back. It is hard to say, as I do not know what kind of person she is. For the meantime, though, consider your money gone.

 
Old 09-03-2011, 11:49 AM   #4
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Re: My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

I agree that she should give it back to you. Unfortunately it doesn't look like that's going to happen. She doesn't seem like she is willing to even just make some payments on it.

If you were to go to court on it, you would have needed to provide some kind of written proof that she was supposed to pay you back, otherwise I think it's probably not worth your time and effort to go that route. You may just have to consider it gone, unfortunately, because there's not much else you can do.

Try not to let it get to you. I know it's a lot of money, but I think the piece of mind from being out of the relationship should be worth something. If you can now sever all ties with her and not have her in your life anymore, all the better.

 
Old 09-05-2011, 08:16 AM   #5
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Re: My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

Thanks for the replies people- I have decided not to pursue it as ultimately, I just want to draw a line under it and move on, not draw it out for something that could last months and that realistically I have by no means any guarantee of winning.

Corissa- Well, I feel I ended it in the most amicable, honorable way possible. There's probably no such thing as a 'good' time or way to end it with someone, but we remained on positive terms for many weeks afterwards...it was this situation that changed that, but even then, there were no demands or threats or anything of the sort- i just asked about the money situation and if we could both arrange some sort of payment that would suit us both. From then on, it escalated, and here we are. But yeh...I think much of it is fuelled by bitterness...and I half expected it...doesn't make it any easier though- ultimately, you're right though, enjoying the rest of my life is something I fully intend on doin

tattooedgirly- thanks for your reply. She does have a full time job- there's no way I would have asked her for it if she was broke or unemployed but ultimately, she is far more comfortable financially than she's ever been (and more so than me)... sorry to hear about your similar situation.

Kszan- your last paragraph sums it up very well- I can't put a price on the piece of mind I feel compared to a couple of months ago, so in the end, even though it's annoying, I'm just going to have to put it down as a life lesson

 
Old 09-05-2011, 02:49 PM   #6
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Re: My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

Just call it a day and be lucky that it wasn't more. If it really bothers you and you have some proof in an email or text response that she owes you money you could take her to small claims court...but is it really worth it. Karma will bite her back in the arse one day. Move on and enjoy life.

 
Old 09-06-2011, 02:10 PM   #7
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Re: My ex won't give me the £500+ she owes me...any advice?

Here's an old saying that I like......

If you loan someone money, and you never see them again......
it was worth it!

chalk it up to experience, and just write it off......

 
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