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Old 09-05-2011, 12:39 AM   #1
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Promise Ring... Yes... NO... ????

OK Here is the deal
I broke up with my boyfriend a year and a month ago (Yep and still stuck on it)
I broke up with him for cheating on me and treating me like a child (I am all of 3 years younger than him) I still love him after all this time. I know because I made 2 attempts the talk to other guys after breaking up with him and He is all I seem to think about.
When we started dating I was a virgin and he LOVED sex. We did not have sex until a year and some months later. Because I was a virgin having sex with me was not what he was use to and so he cheated on me.
Its like Im stuck in neutral. He cheated on me and I dont trust him anymore. I want too. but I scared I might get hurt again and this time it will be MY fault bcuz I am already aware of the type of person he was ( he has been telling for over a year now that he has changed ) I dont know what to believe. He said he will do anything to get back with me, so I was thinking of asking him for a promise ring.
Is this a good idea? I read site about how it is like a pre- engagement ring that is mainly for high school couples. but other sites said its a promise between couples for anything other that marriage. I was basically looking at this potential ring as I promise to be faithful to you from now on and be the honest person of my word you fell in love with type ring. Because we are broken up and only talking about getting back together I would not be comfortable with it being an engagement ring.
Is this juvenile?

 
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Old 09-05-2011, 07:56 AM   #2
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Re: Promise Ring...Yes...NO..????

A ring won't stop him from cheating again, so I don't think it matters if he gets you one or not. He can get you a ring for every one of your fingers but none of it is going to change who he is as a person. He already proved to you that he can't be trusted, you should not ignore that.

Your story is the exact same story that has happened to countless others and the odds are not in your favor. It's the oldest story in the book: bf cheats on gf, gf breaks it off, bf cries about wanting a second chance, gf takes him back and bf cheats again because he's a jerk. That story never has a happy ending! Maybe once every 50 years someone gets lucky and their bf doesn't cheat again but EVERY time this scenario has played out, the bf has ALWAYS cheated again. Your situation is no different and you shouldn't expect it to work out because it never does.

I wouldn't waste my time with him, with rings, with any of it. It's all a huge waste of time. If you don't want to get hurt all over him, lose the cheater and find a better guy. But don't get back with a cheater expecting that a silly little ring is going to keep him faithful. Isn't a wedding ring the most sacred of all rings? And look how many husbands cheat on their wives! It's all a pointless thing you're thinking of doing. I wouldn't waste my time if I were you.

 
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Old 09-05-2011, 11:06 AM   #3
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Re: Promise Ring...Yes...NO..????

If you take a cheater back, that's as good as saying "go ahead and cheat on me! I've proven that I'll accept your cheating!" Him just saying he's "changed" doesn't mean a darn thing. What did he do that made him "change"?

And does he think you've gotten "better" at sex? That's the lamest excuse for cheating that I've heard. You weren't "good enough" at sex so he "had" to find someone who was more of a freak than you are??? How selfish and immature.

I agree with Kszan...this idea you have that a "promise" ring will stop him from cheating is really just a fantasy, especially since you are the one who came up with it. If he wants to cheat, he will, and a ring that you insist he put on your finger won't do a thing to change that, especially when he comes up with such dumb excuses to cheat.

Either you are OK with cheating or you are not. And if you're not, this is not the guy for you.

 
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Old 09-05-2011, 03:31 PM   #4
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Re: Promise Ring... Yes... NO... ????

Pretty much agree with Kszan and Cadence. He's still the same person. Has he been trying to get you back all this time? or do you only hear from him sporadically? As in, when he's in between other girlfriends?

His reason for cheating was stupid and inexcusable. My opinion is that he probably cheated on your during that year when you were together and not having sex. I mean, if sex is so important to him, why wasn't it until you started having sex that it became an issue? It was probably easier to hide when you two weren't sleeping together. Plus...how old is this guy? If you are in high school and he's only three yrs older....this whole "he loves sex" "having sex with you isn't what I expected" stuff is so incredibly stupid, lame, and the worst excuse ever. Every teenage/early 20's guy loves sex...and if he cares for someone, he wants sex with them. If one person is inexperienced, they have more sex and work it out til it's good. It's not rocket science.

Don't let this guy walk all over you. You're obviously young. Don't stay hung up on this guy when there are so many other, decent ones out there.

 
Old 09-05-2011, 04:00 PM   #5
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Re: Promise Ring... Yes... NO... ????

I agree, his reason was pretty lame. Now, is it possible for people to mature, to change, to grow up? Sure it is. But it's only been a year. I don't know. I hesitate to tell you to kick the guy to the curb. Your heart is obviously still with him, and what if he really means it? It's RARE that men really do change in such a way, but not unheard of. All I can say is, do your best to follow your heart, but use your head at the same time. And forget the promise ring idea. It's just a piece of jewelry. It won't mean he won't cheat on you anymore. All it will mean to him is "ok, well, I gotta spend some cash on a ring to get back in her pants, so ok, I will." It won't mean to him what you are hoping it will. I think probably the most reasonable thing to do would be to move on and find a new guy who doesn't have a track record of screwing you over. BUT...if you really feel you have unfinished business with this guy, then be smart about it. No romantic fantasies or overtures. Forget rings, promises, flowers, etc. Sit down and have a talk with him, and see if you can get to the bottom of WHY you two should try again. bottom line, what's changed? He says he has. Why? How exactly? What is different enough with BOTH of you to warrant another try and have it come out differently than it did before?

 
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:12 PM   #6
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Re: Promise Ring... Yes... NO... ????

no....what's a ring gonna do?
if he couldn't keep himself from cheating before, I doubt giving you a ring is going to change that......

 
Old 09-07-2011, 08:47 AM   #7
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Re: Promise Ring... Yes... NO... ????

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmrealtalk View Post
Because I was a virgin having sex with me was not what he was use to and so he cheated on me.
You cannot seriously believe that. There are ZERO valid reasons for cheating. But, of all the pathetic excuses I've heard for somebody choosing to betray the person they love, this is pretty much the bottom of the barrel b.s.

 
Old 09-07-2011, 08:51 AM   #8
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Re: Promise Ring...Yes...NO..????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
Isn't a wedding ring the most sacred of all rings? And look how many husbands cheat on their wives!
I would respectfully like to add to/change the end of this to say "how many husbands and wives cheat on their spouses!"

 
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