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Old 09-18-2011, 06:03 PM   #1
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Unable to believe

I have only had two girlfriends in my life - both only lasting a couple of weeks. I'm 22 years old and my last relationship was 5 years ago. I have not had one since, and I'm unable to firmly believe that I will have another one.

The reason being that I can never "get" anyone that I'm attracted to. I'm looking for a girl who is sweet, loving, has a good sense of humour and a cute face/smile.

For example, the last girl I liked was pretty, had a sense of humour, and seemed very nice and conservative. But as I got to know her I found her to be very aloof and not interested in dating, but will go to a lot of parties and drink and make out with guys.

Not all the girls I like are this extreme of a case, but I don't typically click with the girls are my type. I'm doubting that there is a pretty face with a personality to match for me.

***As a side note, my standards for looks are fairly moderate. I like girls of all sizes. But I'm a good looking guy and I just want the best that I can get - which is why I mention 'cute' a few times in this post.

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 02:58 AM.

 
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Old 09-18-2011, 07:11 PM   #2
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Re: Unable to believe

Quote:
Originally Posted by theproducer View Post
But I'm a good looking guy and I just want the best that I can get - which is why I mention 'cute' a few times in this post.
How come you started a new thread? Just curious because it's the same topic.

I think one of your problems might be that you won't consider someone you think is "below" you based on looks. How are you so sure that the "best" you can "get" needs to be someone whose looks are at some certain level you have set?

Also, a woman isn't something you go out and "get", like a car or a trophy.

I think your attitude might be what is turning women off. A woman can sense when a man thinks he's "all that" and thinks that he should be walking around with a super physically attractive woman. I know a guy who is in his 40s and has never been married and doesn't have a girlfriend, and I hear this guy all the time making fun of women who are only about 10 pounds overweight or who don't have a perfect face and figure. And I want to tell him "this is why you're single!" For some reason, he thinks he "deserves" a super physically attractive and young woman. I used to date a guy like that too...he divorced his wife because, according to him, she "got fat"...yet he had put on 40 pounds! But he said that was OK, men can be fat but women can't! (Needless to say, I dumped him, and no, I'm not overweight). But mature people can overlook a few extra pounds or a less than perfect face if they really like the person.

So I think it may not be shyness that is your problem in having a relationship with a woman, but these "standards" of the level of physical attractiveness you require. I think you could be passing by a wonderful woman who maybe isn't super physically attractive, but who could be perfect for you. Your standards may be "moderate" but I think that's what's holding you back from finding a relationship.

Last edited by CadenceA; 09-18-2011 at 07:13 PM.

 
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Old 09-18-2011, 08:46 PM   #3
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Re: Unable to believe

Well, producer, only you can know for sure if you might be putting too much emphasis on looks. Actually, you don't really sound like a "NO Fat Chicks" t-shirt wearing kind of guy to me. I understand that if you're going to be kissing someone, and having a romantic, physically intimate relationship, you do have to be attracted to them on a physical level to some degree.

Perhaps you're not looking in the right place. You say you want a more conservative girl, a girl who's not into partying or sleeping around or making-out-around I guess you could say. Do you go to church? Perhaps a nice girl in your church would be a good fit. If your church has activities or clubs for young 20-somethings, you might want to get involved. Or even start some kind of activity. Talk to whoever's in charge and see if they will help you organize something. Print it up in the church weekly hand out and such. You gotta make your own opportunities sometimes.

Hang in there. I'm not one of those people who will say "it will happen!!" because the truth is, it may not. It never did for me. But you're WAAAAAAAAYYYY too young to be giving up or assuming you will never find love. You haven't even really gone out and tried yet. Hang in there.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 01:47 AM   #4
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Re: Unable to believe

@CadenceA

Sorry but I disagree. I even said in my post that I like girls of all sizes. Besides I have the exact same problem with girls that are NOT as good-looking. I never said I was looking for a supermodel. And I'm not cocky or arrogant either. I'm a nice, loving guy.

@Larrylousmom

I don't go to church, I don't like it. I'm not saying I'm not looking for a girl who doesn't go to parties, I'm looking for a girl who enjoys more than that. And what do you mean I "haven't gone out and tried yet?" Why do you say that?

Anyway, the problem is that I don't believe that there will be someone who I am attracted to that is attracted to me as well. It has never happened. Girls like me, but they never seem to like me enough to date. Bottom line, it just never happens for me. And I'm doubting if it ever will. But I'm getting tired of waiting.

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 02:59 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 05:55 AM   #5
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Re: Unable to believe

Well, what else HAVE you done to meet girls other than go to bars and parties, where you're only going to meet girls who only like to go to bars and party? Have you joined a club? A gym? a reading group? What I mean mostly though, is, you're only 22. You haven't even really started to live at 22. And that's just too young to be convincing yourself, and that's what you're doing, convincing yourself that you'll never find anyone. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "well, of course you won't with that attitude!" The first thing you have to do is to believe it will happen, or at least that it CAN happen. If you go in expecting to fail, you'll come off like Eeyore the donkey in the Winnie the Pooh stories. Who would ever want to date him??

 
Old 09-19-2011, 08:45 AM   #6
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Re: Unable to believe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Well, what else HAVE you done to meet girls other than go to bars and parties, where you're only going to meet girls who only like to go to bars and party? Have you joined a club? A gym? a reading group? What I mean mostly though, is, you're only 22. You haven't even really started to live at 22. And that's just too young to be convincing yourself, and that's what you're doing, convincing yourself that you'll never find anyone. I'm sure you've heard the saying, "well, of course you won't with that attitude!" The first thing you have to do is to believe it will happen, or at least that it CAN happen. If you go in expecting to fail, you'll come off like Eeyore the donkey in the Winnie the Pooh stories. Who would ever want to date him??
I have joined gyms, I volunteer, I work, and nothing ever came from it. I never even get the chance to "come off like Eeyore" because there aren't very many girls in my circle in the first place. Like I said I'm tired of waiting. I've been waiting 5 years to at least go out on a date

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 08:47 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 08:59 AM   #7
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Re: Unable to believe

join an on-line dating site, i guarantee you won't have to wait 5 years for a date....

 
Old 09-19-2011, 09:09 AM   #8
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Re: Unable to believe

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
join an on-line dating site, i guarantee you won't have to wait 5 years for a date....
Actually, I was just about edit my last post to include this.

I HAVE tried several dating sites several times and each time was a big disappointment. I would send out tons of messages and get none back.

The most contact I usually have with girls is when I pass by one at the mall.

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 09:48 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 09:52 AM   #9
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Re: Unable to believe

well then what do YOU think the problem is?
is it everyone else? is it the world?
or is there a chance that it's got something to do with you?

 
Old 09-19-2011, 10:02 AM   #10
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Re: Unable to believe

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
well then what do YOU think the problem is?
is it everyone else? is it the world?
or is there a chance that it's got something to do with you?
I'm a nice guy, I'm funny, caring, happy and friendly. I'm good looking but not attractive, apparently. I don't know what the problem is. I tried saying that it might be because I'm a little shy, but everyone fought me on that. Maybe I'm aloof at times? I don't know. I ask my friends what they think the problem could be and they tell me they don't see a problem in me.

If you want my honest opinion I think the opportunities are just never there. Like I said, the most contact I have with girls is passing by them at the mall or something.

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 10:12 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 10:14 AM   #11
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Re: Unable to believe

i guess you're just gonna have to get more creative.....
do any of your friends know anyone they can set you up with?
do you like dogs? how about volunteering at a local animal shelter to walk the dogs? dogs are chick magnets......actually people magnets in general....
i've met more people walking my dog, then walking by myself....

 
Old 09-19-2011, 10:41 AM   #12
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Re: Unable to believe

@Larrylou'smom
I'm not saying that I don't deserve it, what I am saying is that it's never there.

The problem is that I don't know how to interact with women either. They usually act awkward/nervous which makes me feel uneasy. Or they look like they don't want to talk to me.

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 11:08 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 04:08 PM   #13
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Re: Unable to believe

Can you answer a question for me? People keep suggesting that I should just let go, stop worrying, stop looking. How does this help me find it any faster/better?

Last edited by theproducer; 09-19-2011 at 04:09 PM.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 07:07 PM   #14
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Re: Unable to believe

Quote:
Originally Posted by theproducer View Post
Can you answer a question for me? People keep suggesting that I should just let go, stop worrying, stop looking. How does this help me find it any faster/better?
what is the rush? do you need a date for a wedding or a reunion or something? maybe you're pushing too hard....i agree, stop worrying

 
Old 09-20-2011, 01:29 AM   #15
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Re: Unable to believe

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
what is the rush? do you need a date for a wedding or a reunion or something? maybe you're pushing too hard....i agree, stop worrying
That doesn't answer my question. The 'rush' is that I feel like it'll get more difficult as I get older, and it feels like I'm missing out on/being denied something (a relationship)

Last edited by theproducer; 09-20-2011 at 02:13 AM.

 
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