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Old 10-07-2011, 09:15 PM   #1
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Long term bf has anger issues, need advice

So some back story before I get into the problem. I am 29 years old and have been with the same man for almost 9 years. He is 35. We have a 3 year old together and live together.

The problem: His explosive anger! Its mostly over little silly things that most people would just let go. Not my man. If the curtain isn't closed right, he gets mad at me. If I don't use chip clips to keep the crackers, cereal, and other misc food from going stale, its a yell fest. While I know his behavior is not OK, I keep continuing to put up with it. I dont like to cause conflict and makes waves, so to speak. I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do and or who to turn to. My family is close but sharing this information is not what we do... I know many reasons WHY he is so angry. He has promised to get counseling and help for his anger issues, but to no avail. He never comes through on his promises.

I do not have much money to just leave and support myself and 3 yr old. We don't have access to a large city, so there are less resources available to us. Not to mention how scared I am to be and live alone. I have never lived alone in my 29 years of life, I keep holding back... And coming up with excuses to stay. Its easier said then done I am finding out quickly.

So my basic question is this: How do I go on from here? He has never hit me but has been close in my face while screaming at me and cornering me. Is it abuse?! I feel stuck and since I dont have anywhere to stay, it makes it that much more difficult to leave. Any advice would be most appreciated!

 
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:45 PM   #2
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Re: Long term bf has anger issues, need advice

Quote:
He has never hit me but has been close in my face while screaming at me and cornering me. Is it abuse?!
Sure it is. It's called verbal/emotional abuse. Wouldn't be surprised to see it escalate into the physical kind sometime in the near future.

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My family is close but sharing this information is not what we do...
If it were me, I would tell my family -- especially for your young child, if not for your sake -- and move back in with them.
Get out while you still can. Your 3 yr. old shouldn't see what's been going on.

 
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Old 10-08-2011, 11:22 AM   #3
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Re: Long term bf has anger issues, need advice

His anger is about him, not about you.

If you stay there you are modeling to your child that other people are responsible for their own emotions. You are allowing your child's sense of security, peace and safety to be destroyed, as well as your own.

We cannot change other people. though taking action does at times shock others into accepting responsibility for their own emotions and behavior.

Do not feel sorry for this person. be the responsible adult parent and remove your self and your child from the chaos, and emotionally damaging situation.

You can and in my opinion should refuse to be with this man again unless he on his own gets anger management and learns appropriate coping skills. If you have no where else to go call authorities and ask how to find domestic violence assistance, and go into a shelter where they will introduce you to available resources.

It will only get worse until you personally take action on your own behalf.

Last edited by jillian4; 10-08-2011 at 11:27 AM.

 
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Old 10-08-2011, 11:57 AM   #4
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Re: Long term bf has anger issues, need advice

Leave this man as soon as you can. The longer you stay the lower your self esteem will be. You owe it to yourself to get out, but even more importantly, you owe it to your child. Children living with domestic abuse are seriously damaged.

I know it's really difficult for you. This is your whole existence, your home, your things, your life, that I am asking you to leave behind. You must do it though. Speak to your family, or a close friend and get support to leave. You only have one life and so does your child. Things will be better for you, once you leave.

Good luck. x

Last edited by JanaJ; 10-08-2011 at 11:58 AM.

 
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Old 10-08-2011, 04:30 PM   #5
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Re: Long term bf has anger issues, need advice

This is such a toxic environment for both you and the kid. You really do need to get out of there. Men like him with so much anger inside are very, very sick individuals and the only thing that helps them is long term therapy if they stick with it. He doesn't seem like the type who takes his commitments very seriously so I doubt he will stay with therapy for real.

If he tells you he'll go to therapy, I already know what will happen. He will got to one session and pronounce himself cured and the anger will return again and again. Honestly your only choice is to leave. I'm sorry to say but for your own good and for that poor kid who is witnessing all of this, you need to get the hell out of there. You're a mom and you have a responsibility to protect that child from everyone who may harm him. Otherwise you're just letting him be abused. If the child protective services found out, they would take him anyway and put him in foster care. I'm sure you don't want that to happen so you need to get out of there before it does get to that point.

 
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