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Old 10-27-2011, 12:05 PM   #1
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Feeling like i can't go on

My life is ruined by one silly night out. First of all it was just a quiet night out at my local full of family friends and parents of children who go to my childrens school. (i'm 28 and have got 2 boys). So my plan was to be in for around midnight and my limit as always was 1 bottle of wine ( i usually have one bottle of a weekend as i know this is sufficient for me). The night was goin nicely i was chatting away as there was a lot of people i know, then it comes to a point where i have no recallection of anything what happened next! No flashbacks nothing. I woke up with a man in my bed i was terrified! When texting my friend the following monday to find out what happened i was left disgusted and physically sick to hear i was all over this man and things got indecent in front of the whole pub!! Now people who know me should no this is not me at all i'm sensible and level headed!!!!! I keep asking the question why didnt one of my friends take me home instead of allowing me to leave with this man!!!!!!!! There response was that i wouldnt listen!!!!†
The problem gets worse as i have a boyfriend a lovely boyfriend who i was so happy with i would never of hurt him never. Ive had to explain all this to him and he says he needs space to think! The problem is it just sounds like every disgusting cheaters excuse doesnt it "i was drunk i didnt know what i was doing" well i wasnt just drunk i have no recallection or memory of the whole thing. And may i add that i found my knickers totally ripped at the seams. Its disgusting i would never of been so silly!!!!
I dont know where toturn next i feel so terrible if i didnt have children i'd end this whole horrible mess. Ive been to the doctors to have the morning after pill and arrange a std check (i didnt explain why) †if only my friend took me home instead of sending me in a taxi with him!!!!! I no longer speak to my friend, ive lost my boyfriends trust and probably him and the whole town knows about my exploits. I cant bare this feeling!!!!!!! I can 100% guarantee that another drop of alchohol will never pass my lips ever this experience has scared me beyond belief. Thankyou for reading. I needed to get all this off my chest.†

 
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:08 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Is it possible that this random guy drugged you? You can never be too sure around strangers and there are a lot of sickos at bars who slip drugs in women's drinks to get them totally vulnerable. If you blacked out like that then its very possible that this guy drugged you or one of his friends did. You should flile a police report for sure. Get after it so maybe they can catch this guy so he can't do it to another woman.

I wouldn't be embarrassed at this point if I were you, I'd get really angry and go after the guy with both guns blazing, take him down, ruin his life. With the help of the police of course. And then in the future if you go out, never ever leave your drink unattended for any reason at all. Dont except drinks from strangers only directly from the bartender or waitress. It's the only way to protect yourself.

 
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:11 PM   #3
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Kzan took the words right out of my mouth.....I think he "slipped you a mickey" in your drink.....a date rape drug......
ask your friends if they think that's possible.....

 
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:41 PM   #4
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Yes, if it's been less than 72 hours, you should go to a hospital or your doctor immediately and have a blood test to see if GHB or some other drug is still in your system. It sounds like this man slipped you some kind of date rape drug. Was your glass or the bottle you were drinking out of ever out of your hand or out of your sight? If so, then it really does sound like this man drugged your drink. Your friends were really stupid to have sent you home with him. "You wouldn't listen" is a lame excuse. One of them should have picked you up and physically put you in a car and taken you home. And yes, there are drugs that do make you do things that you would NOT otherwise do. Drugs that affect the area of your brain that monitors your actions and controls inhibition. If your boyfriend were really any kind of boyfriend, he'd be wanting to hunt this guy down and pound on him and then turn him into the police instead of blaming you.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 10-27-2011 at 01:42 PM.

 
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:45 PM   #5
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Like the others here, my first thought was that you were drugged. I've been pretty smashed a time or two in my life. Some memory lapses are normal when drunk. Not remembering anything is not normal -- even when very drunk.

I hope your boyfriend forgives you and understands that you were not in a position to give consent. That jerk took advantage of your altered state and he should be ashamed of himself. I really hope your boyfriend can see that.

Last edited by Curious One; 10-27-2011 at 01:46 PM.

 
Old 10-27-2011, 01:47 PM   #6
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
Is it possible that this random guy drugged you? You can never be too sure around strangers and there are a lot of sickos at bars who slip drugs in women's drinks to get them totally vulnerable. If you blacked out like that then its very possible that this guy drugged you or one of his friends did. You should flile a police report for sure. Get after it so maybe they can catch this guy so he can't do it to another woman.

I wouldn't be embarrassed at this point if I were you, I'd get really angry and go after the guy with both guns blazing, take him down, ruin his life. With the help of the police of course. And then in the future if you go out, never ever leave your drink unattended for any reason at all. Dont except drinks from strangers only directly from the bartender or waitress. It's the only way to protect yourself.
First of all thankyou for taking time out to reply. The thought that i may have had my drink spiked has crossed my mind and is a almost certain possibility, why else would i have had no recollection or memory whilst having less than a bottle of wine. My problem now is the 'friend' i was out with knows this man in question and says theres no way he would do this! I just feel so alone and dont know where to turn as i'm now awaiting my boyfriends decision on wether he can stick with me. Thanks again xxx

 
Old 10-27-2011, 01:52 PM   #7
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

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Originally Posted by Curious One View Post
Like the others here, my first thought was that you were drugged. I've been pretty smashed a time or two in my life. Some memory lapses are normal when drunk. Not remembering anything is not normal -- even when very drunk.

I hope your boyfriend forgives you and understands that you were not in a position to give consent. That jerk took advantage of your altered state and he should be ashamed of himself. I really hope your boyfriend can see that.
Thankyou so much... I'm so relieved that someone understands. If this was a usual drunken huge mistake (which by the way ive never made anyway) i'd hold my hands up and admit it!!! But this is why its so hard because theres nothing there from that night no memory nothing... Apparantly to my friend i just looked drunk!! Oh its such a horrible situation to be in i almost dont believe myself. Thankyou so much your reply means a lot right now xxx

 
Old 10-27-2011, 02:08 PM   #8
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

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Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Yes, if it's been less than 72 hours, you should go to a hospital or your doctor immediately and have a blood test to see if GHB or some other drug is still in your system. It sounds like this man slipped you some kind of date rape drug. Was your glass or the bottle you were drinking out of ever out of your hand or out of your sight? If so, then it really does sound like this man drugged your drink. Your friends were really stupid to have sent you home with him. "You wouldn't listen" is a lame excuse. One of them should have picked you up and physically put you in a car and taken you home. And yes, there are drugs that do make you do things that you would NOT otherwise do. Drugs that affect the area of your brain that monitors your actions and controls inhibition. If your boyfriend were really any kind of boyfriend, he'd be wanting to hunt this guy down and pound on him and then turn him into the police instead of blaming you.
Thankyou so much for taking time out to reply, unfortunatley it has been more than 72 hours ago that this happened. I wish to god i took this advice the following day. My friends said i looked fine n concious just a little tipsy.... But if they knew me at all they should no i wouldnt of wanted to be doing the disgusting things i was doing. I'm so angry with my friend for not just sending me home....Im in such a horrible predicament... Thanku so much again for making me feel like im not going insane here Xxx

 
Old 10-28-2011, 12:26 PM   #9
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

IMO here's the deal: You were drugged and raped! This is a matter for the police and you're boyfriend should be 100% supportive of you at this point! You were a victim of a serious crime that is both dangerous (STD's and pregnancy) and a violation of your body. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. I am so sorry your friends couldn't tell the difference in your actions between typically drunk and dangerously drugged, and didn't take you home immediately. Actually, come to think of it, Iím appalled your boyfriend isn't behind you all the way. How would he feel if it happened to him? Let's say he's bisexual and had a bloke drug him, take him to his house and rape him. Would you be taking some time to think about your relationship or would you be by his side providing whatever comfort you could?

Make no mistake here, you were violated and this individual needs to be held accountable for his actions. Please contact the police and get this dealt with, as it should be! If I was you, I'd consider some victim counseling to deal with all the feelings that go along with this sort of abuse. Please take care of yourself!

 
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Old 10-28-2011, 01:27 PM   #10
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

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Originally Posted by Jayne28 View Post
My problem now is the 'friend' i was out with knows this man in question and says theres no way he would do this! I just feel so alone and dont know where to turn as i'm now awaiting my boyfriends decision on wether he can stick with me. Thanks again xxx
But this "friend" of yours DOES think there IS a way you would go home with a virtual stranger and cheat on your boyfriend? She is obviously this guy's friend much more than she is yours.

I would go ahead and file a police report. i don't know the legal system there, but here, you can file a report, just to have it on record, and they make the decision whether to file charges or not. You would just be a witness if they do. But if you just get it on record, it would make it a heck of a lot harder for him to do it again to someone else. And as for your boyfriend, I'd say if he has to think this hard about whether to stay with you after you were clearly drugged and raped, then he's not much of a boyfriend and you're probably better off without him anyway.

 
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Old 10-30-2011, 01:26 PM   #11
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

I read your post and i can not beblieve your friends let you go with a complete stranger in the shape you were in.It DOES sound like you were drugged because you know what and how much you can drink and it sounds like you were not even close to that before all of this "odd" behaviour started. It sounds like you have done all of the post "fright night" things such as going to your dr,etc... but those friends i would definetly give them a good what for and be done with them.I hope your boyfriend can dig down deep and find it in his heart to forgive you.Let him see all of the posts you have gotten from your REAL freinds here on this board and maybe he will see that it was NOT your fault something else certainly went on!!!I wish you the best of luck and i will be thinking about you.Until next time TAKE CARE and feel free to write me anytime you like.

 
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Old 11-05-2011, 02:01 AM   #12
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Thanku so much since my last post i got my std results back and they were clear thank god and u did go to the police byt with it bein too late alls they could do was file the complaint!...... My friend who i went out with that night is definetly not my friend anymore!!!! Some people might say im big enough to look after myself but i know what i would of done if she was in that situation and i know what my other friends would of done!!!!!! I would of done anything to get her home safely even if she refused u getvhelp dont u!!!!.........My boyfriend has decided we need a break so he can get his head around this! And while hes doing so i'm keeping myself busy decorating and just thinking if he truely loves me and wants me forever he will believe every word i have poured out to him!! If not then perhaps it wasnt meant to be anyway :/ As 3 weeks have gone by since this incident i'm slowly pulling myself together, if any good things have come out of it then ive realised who my friends are!!, i'l never ever leave my drink unattended i'l always be so careful with drink for me and my friends from now on!!!, and of course ive found this sight where all you lovely people take time out to give words of support and advice.... THANKU its helped me a lot! Xxxx

 
Old 11-06-2011, 06:36 PM   #13
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

I am SOOOO happy that you went to the dr and everything turned out ok.I am also thankful that you found out who your REAL friends were AND to never leave your drink unattended.I used to go out alot with my friends several years ago and one night we both had a date with these two guys who were best friends.Well like dummies we went to the bathroom together leaving our drinks on the table with them,we were at a club where you could bring your own booze and while we were gone to the bathroom the poured more of the alcohol in our drinks THANK GOD i noticed it right away when i took the first drink so needless to say we got out of there and left them sitting all alone.I can only hope they didnt do it to someone else that night after we left.So you are not alone i have surely had some close calls too but we both survived and for that i am VERY thankful.Please write to me anytime you want i have you listed on my friend board so you can send a private message if you want or just post on here i will get it either way.It is really nice talking to you and once again i am glad you are OK physically.as for your boyfriend you are right if it is meant to be it will be.I will be thinking about you.Until next time TAKE CARE!!!!

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Old 11-06-2011, 08:55 PM   #14
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

* BIG HUG *

This all sounds awful and it's very good to hear that you're OK physically.

My advice would be to show this thread to your boyfriend... I wasn't even halfway through your first post before my brain was going ROOFIES ROOFIES SHE WAS DRUGGED. RED ALERT. OMG.

... which I'm pretty sure was the reaction of pretty much everyone else who's replied. This was not your fault in any way. You were drugged and raped. (Hell, this is the reason I want to go into law enforcement, so creeps like this can be chased down and locked up)

As for your boyfriend, as sad as it is that he's not 100% supportive, maybe find some articles for people who are coping with the fact that a loved one who has been raped and show them to him to help him work things out. Feelings can get pretty messed up for them too, for a variety of reasons. If he doesn't shape up and step up to the plate after a while though, it's probably for the best to leave him and leave him be, because if something else bad ever happened again, you'd want someone to be on your side 100%.

Rape is a difficult topic for everyone, and as much as it should be a black-and-white topic, there's so many misconceptions and misinformation about it that it can be extremely grey to the average joe.

 
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Old 11-07-2011, 01:08 PM   #15
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Re: Feeling like i can't go on

Believe me, I support and believe you but my question is this;

How can you remember how much you actually drank but not remember ANYTHING else?

Maybe that's the issue your B friend has. If it were my girl and she told me this story and could remember drink for drink what she had but nothing else, I would have questions.

This sounds from what you've told us (since we don't actually know you) that this is out of character for you. That being said, your boyfriend should support you and not be so hard on you.

Good luck.
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Last edited by corissa3; 11-07-2011 at 01:08 PM.

 
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