My husband is angry with me literally all_the_time. We’ve been married for 10 years; 2nd marriages for both of us. I could tell story after story after story of him flying off the handle for some perceived transgression on my part. The bottom line is that he has finally broken the camel's back: i.e. unless he gets help, I'm done.
The main thing that seems to bother him is my job. I have a pretty successful career and my earning power has been at least 3x what his is over the past 5 years, but I really believe that the balance of these types of things shifts back and forth over the course of peoples lives together. I often travel for work but have greatly reduced how much I'm on the road because it's one of the things that drives him crazy. We’re empty-nesters; he doesn't really have a lot of friends - actually he has none. He likes his solitude so not even his family or mine draw him out of his cocoon for long.
When I travel, I tell him where I’m going and what I’ll be doing, from meetings to dinner to receptions to conferences. I am not going to lie to “protect” him – I have nothing to lie about. But he becomes unhinged... he can't handle the truth. My mantra to him is: “I have never done anything that could even be remotely construed as undignified or unprofessional.” That pretty much sums up my actions. I'm not a completely buttoned up person, but I know the boundaries and have no desire at all to cross them. I find my husband the most handsome, sexy man and, bonus - he’s my hubby!
He accuses me of having affairs with my boss, with my co-workers, with customers, with prospects. He calls me a *****, party girl (OMG - I'm 54). He'll say things like – “Just go and party with your boyfriends, just like you did when you were in Chicago (or Miami, or Boston – wherever.) ” When I’m away he’ll sometimes call my cell phone 40 consecutive times and leave the most outrageous messages. Sometimes I’ll answer the first couple of calls but he screams at me so loud that people around can hear him – unacceptable on so many levels.
He fuels his anger by himself until the fury has a life of its own. There is nothing I can do or say when he is unhinged that will snap him out of it. I repeat – NOTHING. This is verbal only and I am not afraid he’ll become physically violent. I know he needs help. He thinks I do (you know – being a ***** and everything…). Does anyone have any suggestions for me on how to handle this situation?
Hi K, I'm 99% sure your H was abused as a kid,and he's just doing to you
what was done to him.He's making HIMSELF unhappy,as well as you. If
anything is going to change,it will need to be him!You will need the
courage to confront him about his childhood,as he needs OUTSIDE help with it--you don't have the knowledge or skills for that. Try to get
him to see that this will be good for BOTH of you,and you will support
him on this,but ONLY if he's willing to GO FOR HELP. The reason I know this is,I've been there and it's the loneliest place on earth!
Kindest Regards, jimisimo
The Following User Says Thank You to jimisimo For This Useful Post: Anisha Kaul (11-19-2011)