I really need some advice on a very sad situation with my now ex best friend.
I have known her all my life, we met at nursery and are now in our late 30’s.
She has had a hard life, both her parents were alcoholics and she found them both dead a couple of years apart just for starters!
She is notoriously irresponsible with money. After her parents death she went to a loan shark to arrange a mortgage for 10 times her salary, she nearly ended up bankrupted and homeless.
A couple of years ago, she came into some money totalling 250k.
At the time, I had lost my job and was about to lose my home. She offered me 16k to get the banks off of my back. I told her I doubted I could pay this back, she said it was not a problem, we were lifelong friends and she wanted to help me as I had been there for her all her life (my family had looked after her like their own when she lost her parents)
Instead of saving or investing the money, she managed to spend the entire remains of her wind fall on holidays, concert tickets, eating out breakfast, lunch and dinner.
She spent 50k on paintings that she had nowhere to put as they were huge and she only owns a flat…. So she paid to put them in storage.
She went through this money literally in a matter of a few months.
Even when she was down to her last thousand pound, rather than think about her rent money for the following month, she went and booked another holiday.
She has only ever worked part time and earns very little money.
So the money all went.
She had nowhere for her paintings to be stored as she could not afford the storage, so I paid for the hire of a van and helped her transport them to a friend’s garage where they have sat ever since. She won’t sell them as she is waiting for them to be worth more money.
Anyway, out the blue, I get a message from her telling me she needs all her money back now!
I am a hard working single mum and had no means of getting my hands on 16k… I live off my salary which barely covers the bills. I was not aware this was a loan to start with.
I got a barrel load of abuse from her reminding me how she had helped me.
I went to the bank a borrowed 2k to help her which she then spent straight away and was back making me feel guiltier.
Every time I met her, I felt obliged to pay. I was also scared to tell her if I had bought myself a little something as she made me feel I had no right to spend anything on myself.
My boyfriend took me on holiday and I got a load of abuse about that, even though I did not pay myself.
My friend who has stored her paintings now for 18 months has now said that she needs to find a new home for them… which is fair enough as she has already done my friend a huge favour.
Initially she responded to emails regarding the paintings… and now she is completely ignoring any requests to move them.
I sent her a gentle email to say that she really needs to find somewhere for the paintings and she went nuts.
I got so much abuse, she took me off facebook, deleted my every existence and has cut me off, blackened my name to our mutual friends.
This is my best friend of 35 years.
She has become so bitter and I am devastated that it has come to this. She never used to be this way, something in her has changed.
Is this all my fault? They say money is the root of all evil… and it is so true.
Please help me and let me know your opinion, I am so upset over all this.
The following user gives a hug of support to Bellybibo1: belle005059 (01-14-2012)
Well, you said first of all that she's notoriously bad with money, and the thing with the loan shark. It seems she feels the world owes her a livelihood, or the world owes it to her to take care of her. It's a shame she feels this way, but that's just not how the world works. I think it was only a matter ot time before something like this happened and it all blew on the both of you. I think you're probably better off without her in your life. Let her block you, and block her too and let her fade away. As for your mutual friends, all you can do is tell your side of the story. The ones who are truly your friends will understand. The ones who don't, well, maybe they can take care of her for a while. There's really nothing you can do about how someone chooses to behave toward you. All you can do is either take it or not, and you shouldn't have to take it anymore. You've been more than a great friend to her. She's not only irresponsible and stupid, but she's dead weight and vindictive. You don't need that.
It is just as hard to lose a friend like this as it is to divorce. There is really nothing you can do more than you have done. Grieve for the loss of the friendship then move on. The friend with the paintings should have them transported back to her home and let her take responsibility for them. As for her bad mouthing you, you will find out who you can count as friends. Do not even bother to get into it; tell your side to any who ask and ignore it. Sera
Sorry to hear about all your troubles but whenever money's involved, things change! I don't have any great words of wisdom but I do wish you all the best and one more thing, it's not "Money is the Root of all Evil" it's "The LOVE of Money is the Root of all Evil". Big difference. Good Luck!