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Old 04-15-2012, 03:05 PM   #1
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How would you deal?

Suppose you were with your SO for over years and another person came into the picture and started making advances at your SO. (By advances, I mean, revealing thoughts that they like your SO and sending them inappropriate text messages and emails.)

My SO promises nothing happened between them; they started as friends months ago, but slowly it was revealed that she wanted more than just his friendship. The truth about the entire situation has been revealed over the past two weeks. Since our many talks, he has decided it would be best to sever connections with her.

If he tells me nothing happened, and I believe him, then why does the situation continue to bother me? Why am continually curious and asking him many questions about her? How would you feel about/deal with a situation like that?

Last edited by Administrator; 11-14-2012 at 08:32 AM. Reason: bc

 
Old 04-15-2012, 03:43 PM   #2
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Re: How would you deal?

I think you are just being smart. It's interesting to me, too, that you had to have "many" talks for your SO to decide they should sever the friendship. If they valued your feelings and have such a long relationship with you, why wouldn't one talk be enough?

regards, Sue

Last edited by Administrator; 11-14-2012 at 08:33 AM.

 
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:52 PM   #3
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Re: How would you deal?

Well, its actually more complex. I knew about this girl... and I did not have a great feeling. After my bf and her hung out together (alone), I set a boundary and told him "its bad to hang out with another woman if he knows that she is interested in being more than a friend".

That talk was merely coincidental because I snooped like two weeks later and found several emails that occured before they hung out one on one. The girl expressed having some sexual tension... SO I guess I was very upset because I wondered why would he continue to hang out with this girl if he knows she feels like that?

Anyway, after I snooped and we discussed everything, he said that after our boundaries talk (after him and the girl hung out), he realized that hanging out with her was not good for our relationship and he wasn't going to do it anymore.

I just find myself still asking questions of him and not letting the subject go away.

 
Old 04-15-2012, 05:14 PM   #4
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Re: How would you deal?

Ok, but why don't you both try to find ways to repair the relationship (I don't think he would have "flirted" with her if his relationship with you were working) rather than focussing on asking questions of him?

 
Old 04-15-2012, 05:20 PM   #5
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Re: How would you deal?

How do I repair? Do I ask him if theres something I can do to better meet his needs and vice versa?

 
Old 04-15-2012, 05:21 PM   #6
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Re: How would you deal?

Also, I think I indirectly tried some "repairing" when I asked him yesterday "Do you think we have a good relationship?" He said yes...

 
Old 04-15-2012, 07:41 PM   #7
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Re: How would you deal?

Well, to answer your initial question why does it still bother you, I think it still bothers you because he didn't have the good sense to end all contact with her the minute he found out she wanted more. That's what a good, loyal man who is really into you would have done. But, after your talks, he figured it out and did the right thing. But only you are in the situation. Maybe your gut is telling you something that we can't see or sense through a computer screen. if any relationship is going to survive, there has to be trust. As Dr. Phil would sa, at this point, do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? You can hang onto the past and nag and hound him about this woman until he gets so sick of it he dumps you, or you can make the decision to trust him and let it go and move on. And I really do think it's a choice. IF, like I said, your gut isn't trying to tell you something that we don't know about.

 
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