Hey, I really need some advice from an outsiders point of view...
Okay so I will keep this as short as possible, I was with my boyfriend for 2 years back in 2007-2009, we were both young and he did some silly stuff ( texting other girls & stuff ) he never actually cheated but yeah we split.
We did not speak for about 6 months, until he realised what he had lost and tried continually to get me back for the next two years.
So in September last year I decided that I would go for a drink with him as friends and we really hit it off and a couple of weeks after we decided to get back together & things were great and he was very loving and we were real happy and we moved in together just after Christmas.
After new year my boyfriend had a couple of bad anxiety attacks which resulted in him getting depressed, he does not know what triggered this again ( he had depression when much younger ) but we went to the docs and he got put on Citalopram. Since then things have gotten hard...
So the tablets make him feel no emotion, he says he knows that he loves me, but the tablets make him not 'feel' it. They have also effect his sexdrive, so we havent been passionate for months but we kiss & cuddle when I ask.
So heres where my major issue lies, the past month or so him & his ex (they were only together a couple of months) have been texting alot, he does not hide the fact that they have been texting, he will openly say he is texting her so its not like he is hiding it, but they text every day! I find this weird and it is making me a little paranoid.. I dont know what they speak about but they seem to have alot to say to eachother if they text constantly!
Am I being stupid? I cant really talk to my friends about this without them judging him. I love him to bits and I dont want to lose him because of my trust issues..
Well you have answered the question your self. You say you don't want to lose him. If he is very much nice otherwise, sit down with him and explain him that you feel hurt when he texts his ex and what is the reason for that. Tell him how would he feel if you texts some other guy. If he still persists than laugh it off. Read your self what he texts and find the humor in it. Perhaps he is kind of guy who feel that they have store of love which is enough for many people. such guy should be very much helpful to you in other spheres of life, if it is such than make compromise.
His texting this girl is not appropriate and I don't blame you for not liking it. It must seem at the very least that she is getting emotional energy from him, when he is short of it with you. Remember, he chased you so you are in a fairly empowered position. Use it and tell him what you will and will not put up with. My other thought about this is that he has quickly slipped back into the type of behavior that broke you up before. What's up with that? If you learned anything from that time, don't get taken in again. Cheers, Sera
Thank you for your responses.. Seraph, that is what I am so scared of, that he has slipped back into what broke us up before, but then I remember that he chased me for 2 years.. surely he wouldn't be that stupid to make the same mistake twice right?! I know I need to speak to him about it, I just don't want to sound like a crazy jealous girlfriend because thats not how it is at all, I don't have an issue with them speaking I just don't like the extent to which they do. Sunshine
I think the fact that the medication makes him not 'feel' love for you is a big concern. If he can't feel the love for you, then what's to stop him from neglecting you, cheating on you, reverting back to his old behaviors, etc.? It's not reasonable to expect a person to contribute to and be a healthy, participating party to a healthy, mutually respectful relationship when they are so emotionally shut down that they don't have those loving feelings for their partner. He can't be the kind of partner you want and need him to be if he can't feel love for you. He needs to get the doctor to adjust his dosage. He's obvioulsy being over-medicated. But he MUST do this through the DOCTOR. He can't just stop taking his meds or just start taking a lower dose himself. But he deserves a healthy, happy relationship just like you do, and he won't have one as long as the pills are keeping him so emotionally shut down. And please try to remember it's NOT your trust issues that are the problem here. It's his inappropriate behavior and his emotional dysfunction. It amazes me how younger men have really seemed to have totally psyched out young women today. They neglect the woman and if she calls him on it, she's "needy." They shamelessly flirt and hit on and constantly text other women and if their girl calls him on it she's "a jealous psycho control freak." He dumps her unceremoniously without warning over the phone or email without so much as a good goodbye and if she's hurt and wants answers or just some closure she's "a crazy psycho-beyaach ex who can't let go." It's really a shame so many women of this younger generation are allowing men to get away with this crap.
So i spoke to my boyfriend last night about the whole texting thing, and he said that his ex has just moved away to live with her boyfriend and is very lonley because she has no friends up there.. And her boyfriend works fumny shifts! I explained that it makes me feel a little uncomfortable! So lets see what happens ey..
He also started taking lower dosage medication at the weekend so i am hoping that will change how he is feeling..
Trying to stay positive about the whole situation.. :-)
I agree with larrylousmum, I just would not tolerate my husband texting other women or spending time with them online etc, I just don't think it's healthy when you're in a relationship for many reasons. This medication issue needs to get sorted though, he may have to switch medications until he finds one that doesn't tune him out and doctors can sometimes get hung up on putting patients on the "optimum dosage" but people are affected differently by these meds and some people can't function properly at what's considered the "optimum" dose. I've been there myself.
that is what I am so scared of, that he has slipped back into what broke us up before, but then I remember that he chased me for 2 years.. surely he wouldn't be that stupid to make the same mistake twice right?!
My ex and I broke up because he was constantly cheating and telling lies. He pursued me for YEARS after I left him, begging for another chance. Finally I gave in and went back. So what did he do??? After a couple of months he started cheating and telling lies.
So yes, it is possible. I don't call it stupidity, I think they're actually thinking that since we went back, we musn't really mind the flirting, texting others, cheating, etc., so they go right back to it.
It would be very nice in your case if the medication is to blame since that can be adjusted. Attitudes and behaviors are not so easily changed.
The Following User Says Thank You to CadenceA For This Useful Post: Sunshine90 (05-18-2012)