AllTheSame

Hey all,

So...this may be more for venting purposes then anything. I'll explain the situation fully, but I am very aware there is nothing I can really do right now..nor do I want to intervene, as I have never EVER been a girl to play that game.

Here's the background. I e-met this guy, will call him Dan, on a dating website of all places back in December. I use great caution, and don't expose too many details about myself. Anyway, I had already been talking and connecting with another guy who lives about 1000 miles from me, but had intentions to move to my area. I ended up trying out the long distance one from Jan-April. LDR guy was super sweet, but just no...spark when we met in person. We both kinda agreed on that.

Throughout that, I did talk to Dan every so often. He saw I was in a relationship, and wished me the best. Still invited me out to hang out places on purely friend standards in very public/social settings. Even before I entered the LDR, Dan invited me a few places and I always turned him down. I don't know what I was thinking besides the fact all my serious previous relationships had been LDR, so perhaps what i'm used to.

So fast forward, I ended the LDR in April. I hadn't really ever connected with LDR guy so I never felt attached enough to feel remorseful about ending things. Still chatted with Dan, and he became a bit more flirty with responses upon hearing of my new singleness. He however had just started seeing another girl, and made sure to tell me. I was happy for him, and wished him the best. He said he'd still like to hang out sometime, but again it never really worked out with our schedules, and I didn't make it a priority.

About end of May, he came to me asking what it means when a girl 'needs space', and that they were having serious problems. He doesn't drink (and neither do I, so we often discuss this), and was telling me how this girl got wasted and he had to go get her from a party or something. Apparently she'd never done that and had him worried. Then she wanted space, so he asked me what that meant. I told him in my experience she wants to see what else is out there, but wants to keep him around in case nothing else better happens...or that there is someone else potentially. He said that's exactly what his other friends said and seemed pretty bummed about it. He invited me to a gig of his happening a couple days later in lieu of needing some cheering up.

I went to his gig, and this was the first official time I had actually met him. As cheesy and chick flick as it sounds, it totally was one of those moments where I rounded the corner of the building to see him sitting there, locked eyes, and you watched the sadness drain from his face into a huge grin, and everything else just kinda fades to the background. I went there platonically, and to be a friend. Seriously. Nothing more and no funny business. I'm NOT that girl. But seeing his face light up at the sight of me was like if Ryan Gosling rang your doorbell to take you on a date.

Absolutely no funny business happened that night. We both have too much respect for each other. We just chatted, I watched his band play, I helped him load his gear in his car and I got a ride to my car. We hugged. That's it.

We spoke online/text the next few days and we were a bit more candid. He came out first to say he very much regrets not seeing me sooner, and that he can't seem to stop thinking about me. Also that he hadn't spoken to his girl, or not girl friend in well over a week and had no idea what was happening there. I agreed with him, that I wish I would have given him the time many months ago and more or less that I also have interest, but that he needs to sort out his current situation, and that I don't interfere with people's relationships. He agreed.

He told me today we shouldn't talk or hang out for awhile until it gets sorted out. I voiced I totally understood, and hoped he could sort things out and find happiness, whatever that may be. Which, is true. I want him to be happy. I just really hope he's not getting strung along. I know it's not my place to worry though. I more just can't stop kicking myself for not giving him the time when I could have.

I thank you for listening to this big long story. If you have any thoughts I'm open to hear them of course. I'm more venting then anything, but if you have any insight, or even thoughts on the matter, and/or how I can stop kicking myself over it I'm open to hear that too. I've tried very hard to be honest and not interfere, I hope I didn't cross any lines anywhere.