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Old 06-19-2012, 09:13 PM   #1
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Question Mistake: Too fast, too furious

Just a short snippet about me: married at a very young age to my daughter's mother which lasted about 10 years; then my first male relationship for another six years (that was my worst experience as he was a drug addict); had a few others encounters with both men and women, but just recently decided that a man makes me feel best.

Presently, I've decided to put myself out there and found a physically perfect man, our sense of humor are very compatible, of which we're both terribly sarcastic. Met for dinner at a neutral site, then went to drinks then one thing led to another and I woke up at his house the next morning. Something I did not want to do at the start of our date, but liquor changes your perspective rather quickly.

We spent the next 6 nights together and then all of a sudden, there's no communication from him. One red flag during this time is that I ask him lots of questions to get to know him (music, hobbies, work, sports, etc) and yet not one question directed to me. I may start a story of mine, such as my married life, or my work and there are no follow up questions. He has no clue what music I like, food, hobbies and whatever he does know is only because I mentioned it at one point or another.

I no longer feel there's anything there on his part since he made it clear he would know his true love when he found it. Guess was just a stepping stone, or an audition for him. Or could it be I'm reading too much into this?

Any words of wisdom would mean a great deal to me.

 
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Old 06-20-2012, 08:19 AM   #2
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Re: Mistake: Too fast, too furious

well i think whenever someone doesn't ask questions about you to try to get to know you, it's a red flag........sounds like he's not that into you, and you might just be a fling

 
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Old 06-20-2012, 10:23 PM   #3
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Re: Mistake: Too fast, too furious

I would advise anyone to never get drunk on a first date. It almost always leads to things you would rather not have happen. And I agree with Rose. This guy was just wanting a temporary good time with someone. I think you need to really decide what it is you're looking for right now. Do you want a real relationship, do you just want to "have fun," or do you want to date around, see what's out there, and leave the possibility for a real, long term relationship open? Decide what you want and then behave in a manner that will bring that to you. If you don't want to waste time with guys who are just out for sex and aren't interested in a relationship or who aren't really into you, some tips you might want to keep in mind - like I said, don't get drunk on the first date, go out and get to know him before sex. Pay attention to any and all red flags, like you got with this guy (not asking you questions about you, etc.), establish a friendship first. If the guy is resistant to that, and just wants to hit the sheets, then he's not looking for a relationship, at least not with you.

 
Old 06-22-2012, 08:09 PM   #4
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Re: Mistake: Too fast, too furious

You're so right. I spent the night with him again last night and we had a little tiff because he was gawking at another guy during dinner. I asked him to stop it, makes me uncomfortable and is disrespectful. This caused us to talk and he admitted that although we're dating he's not dead (I think that means he's still looking for that someone else); if we fall in love, we fall in love. I admitted that is not my purpose, but rather a long term relationship and while I'm dating, I have no eyes for anyone else. But that's just me. We're apparently not on the same page. I've invested some feelings for this guy and hit a brick wall, but I'm new to dating so I'll have to chalk it up to experience.

Thank you for your thoughtful words. If I could hug you right now, I really would. I've been so down on myself and my mistakes and it's been a very very hard day for me.

Again, thank you!!

 
Old 06-25-2012, 09:35 AM   #5
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Re: Mistake: Too fast, too furious

yeah sounds like you are not on the same page....he doesn't sound like the guy for you......keep looking!

 
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