It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-22-2012, 09:08 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 1
niknak2 HB User
Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

I've never resorted to online forums or anything, but I just wanted to talk to someone.
So my mom accidentaly told me that she would never like to go through a betrayal again. My heart sank when i questioned her, and it turns out my dad had a small affair over 10 years ago. Apparently everyone knew about it but me. I am now 20 years old and my older sister said she never wanted me to find out because I was too small then to understand. My family now is as strong as can be and I've always admired my parents marriage. It's just so crazy how I never knew about this whole secret past and am just finding out. So while everyone is already healed from old wounds, I feel like I am barely going through the situation. It just seemed so hard the way I had to find out about it.
In part I think of how our family has progressed and changed for the better, but I also feel bad for my older sister for having to go through it all alone- I also admire her for trying to protect me. I feel like I am slowly getting over it, but i can't help it when it occasionally crosses my mind. I love my dad and my mom, but I can't believe this once happened!

Any advice or what do you think? I just want some feedback...

 
Old 06-22-2012, 10:19 AM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
Agenda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 329
Agenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB UserAgenda HB User
Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

I think they were right not to tell you as you were only 10, way too young for such information. I also think that it is a matter just for your parents, no one but the two people involved in a relationship really know what goes on. It is in the distant past leave it there and be thankful you are now a strong family.

Good luck,
__________________
Osteoarthritis
Rheumatoid arthritis?
Fibromyalgia

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-22-2012, 10:30 AM   #3
Facilitator
(female)
 
Seraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,803
Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

Finding out these things is always a shock. Learning the hard way that parents are only human forces us to revise all our cosy security about how we see them. You are right in that everyone else has long moved on from this, and that leaves you sort of dealing with it alone. It is good that your family is quite open about it; you can talk about it with your sister at least. You are dealing quite well too in that you are working your way through your emotional responses to the news. You can learn a lot about yourself when things like this happen, and it is all this learning that builds your strength and insight. You will assimilate this knowledge over time, and it will lose this impact on you. Sera

 
Old 06-22-2012, 06:19 PM   #4
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,852
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

Doesn't matter...

I'll keep my personal issues to myself.Thought it would help. I was wrong.
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

Last edited by Phoenix; 06-26-2012 at 02:35 PM.

 
Old 06-22-2012, 08:17 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Oak Hill, VA
Posts: 3,506
ibake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB User
Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

This is a hard thing for a child to find out about. What is to be remembered dis that your father has atoned for his mistake and that your mother forgave him.

The fact that they are still married and have a strong relationship tells you about the strength of their vows. Your father admitted his mistake and they moved on.

I am proud of you for working through this. If you find that you can't seem to get past it, seek help, please.

Have you talked to your Mom about this? It might help to put some of your uncertainties to rest. She should be willing to at least explain what happened to you.

The best to you....and please keep posting if you feel you can.

 
Old 06-23-2012, 07:16 AM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: aus
Posts: 491
captjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB Usercaptjane HB User
Re: Just found out my dad had an affair 10 years ago

hi niknak, I think you have to put this in context and at 20 that can be hard to do but as you get older it will become easier. In the case of an affair like this, the biggest victim is your mother and everyone was right to keep this from you because you were so young. Your mother though has dealt with it and learned to forgive your father. But now you are left with feelings that perhaps your father is not the person you though he was or that your parents marriage is not as perfect and shiny as you thought?

It really is a shame that you learnt of this because it's just not something you needed to know about (nor you sister). I guess when we grow up we see our parents a certain way and it can be quite difficult when something makes us realise they are just regular people with faults, imperfections etc just like everyone else. I think it is just going to take you some time to accept that but keep in mind that you will never know the exact circumstances and you will be able to get over this, yes your parents are imperfect, we all are in some way and as you get older you will understand that better. good luck

 
Closed Thread

Tags
cheating, family, family frustrations, family history, positive outcome



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added











All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:15 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!