Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
I'm so mad, I can't pack fast enough...
I threw my husband a 40th birthday party and all of our closest friends were in attendance. We were all drinking- laughing having a great time. One of my girlfriends, (an RN) who was not drinking, had to leave and get to work, We were all sitting in a group and one of my other girlfriends began texting her. The girls were joking, a reference was made to her being bored and my husband gets a hold of the phone and texts, 'play with your pu$$*^'. I didn't see the words at that time. My girlfriend grabbed the phone back and texted quickly, that was my husband that wrote that and not her. The next day while we were all together, the text came up and the words were read to me. Mortified and so disrespected is how I felt. I waited until the end of the day and told my husband that, the text was inappropriate. Expecting him to just say, 'sorry- I know and I feel bad'. But, instead- he was sorry BUT, felt that being drunk, everyone laughing, it was said to be funny- I should not be 'throwing him under the bus' now.
I think I just hit my bottom and want out. It's not the first time that my husband crossed a line with a female.
He always tries to turn it around on me, making me think I am over reacting but, my level of trust is diminished. I work so hard to get him to see how strange it is to behave this way when your married. But- he just wants to point out how wonderful he IS every day and doesn't see how these 'rare' incidents, kills my feelings for him. I am too embaressed to talk to my girlfriends about this I can use some advise.
Last edited by AbramAgain; 07-02-2012 at 01:32 PM.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
Am I over reacting? Would you be hurt to know your husband would speak to another female this way? When I tried to tell him what he did was disrespectful- he flew off the handle (as he always does). Had he just admitted that it was an error in judgement- this wouldn't even be a topic. But- he feels since my girlfriend wasn't offended- why should I be. Help........
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
Well I'm not a regular poster on this message board, nor am I professional on the subject but I felt like I needed to say something. Personally, I do NOT think you overreacted in the slightest. If my boyfriend did that.. wow I'd probably consider walking out too, especially if he made a habit of doing that sort of thing. I understand completely about the whole trying to get him to understand that it's not normal to be like that while in a relationship -- my boyfriend was addicted to porn and regularly made comments about other girls but after about 5 months, got him off the porn, and he changed. I wouldn't beat yourself up and question whether you're overreacting because at the end of the day, we're all different, and we all want different things from a relationship. If you love him, I wouldn't suggest walking away but try teaching him that you WILL walk if he doesn't change his ways. If he's worth it, then he'll change. My boyfriend was a wreck when he realised how his actions affected our relationship and changed purely out of love and understanding. It's just trying to find that little ch-ink* in his armour that will get him to realise what he's doing to your relationship.
Sorry if I rambled a little bit ^^
Anyway I wish you all the best.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
Is this the normal behavior between this woman and your husband? I know that it would be totally inappropiate for my husband to say this to anyone but I know that some people think nothing of talking and cutting up like you mentioned. I would assume if this were normal behavior then you wouldn't be posting this...HA! The sexual flavor of this comment would make be think that he's making sexual comments to her to possible be flirting or maybe there's already something going on with them. I tell ya though, drinking makes people act stupid! I also think that when people are drinking daily (alcoholic in denial) they really don't think straight even though they aren't actually drunk, people that drink a lot just aren't thinking with a full brain...I say this from my past experiences with an alcoholic EX husband that was in total denial. Make no mistake...if someone has to drink daily just to get through a day, they are an alcoholic! This may or may not be the issue, just saying...people say and do some really stupid stuff when they drink!
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My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
I have married friends who joke like that, but the difference is that they're all in on "the joke" so no one gets offended. But if it's not a common joking thing among you all then for him to say something so vulgar was out of line. If it was just an isolated incident I'd say let it ride but since you said it has happened repeatedly then I think there's a problem. I'm not sure how you can address this properly with him since he sounds like he is in denial. I guess all you can do is tell him it was inappropriate and disrespectful to you and if he does it again you're going to stay with your mom/sister/friend until he understands that you mean business.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
I think you're over reacting. He did not ask for pictures, he did not volunteer to do it for her, he merely made a joking suggestion. I see it as a joke that you've twisted into an argument for no reason other than petty jealousy. I make dirty jokes and off hand remarks once in a while and thank God my wife sees it as all in good fun and in no way a slight on her. I can just be a crude insensitive jerk at times and she knows that. I try not to be, but it is my nature and happens from time to time. I'd hate for her to take something like that the wrong way like you have.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
Something else I meant to say is that this sounds like something a teenage or twenty something boy would say, not a 40 year old man. Very immature sounding if you ask me!
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My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
If any of my friend's husbands said this to me, I would be highly offended. Was your friend offended by his comment?
All of our friends joke and have a good time - but never would my husband talk vulgar to a friend of mine and never would their spouses talk that way to me. I agree, it is very disrespectful. Bringing vulgar and sexual language into a group in that manner is immature and downright gross.
I am wondering, when your husband did this in the past, was he always drunk? Maybe time to stop the drinking parties.
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"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
I mentioned the scenario to my husband and he was like "OMG NO WAY!" plus he felt like there may be something going on with the two maybe having an affair or at the least very inappropriate flirting going on.
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My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
Re: Husband make sexual comment to one of my closest friends
I honestly don't think the comment was nearly as deep or thought out as much as some of you. I really think the comment was just a unbelievably immature blimp on the radar screen. I don't think they're doing anything together or meant it as more than something to raise an eyebrow and a laugh (considering nearly everyone was drinking). If he as immature as it sounds, this type of behavior can't really shock you at this point. It doesn't sound like he can hold his tongue and probably blurts stuff like this nearly all the time. I'm afraid he is what he is, and now the ball's in your court but please don't tell me you're actually surprised by his behavior.
