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Old 07-07-2012, 01:57 PM   #1
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Girlfriend argues everything, even when I admit I'm wrong.

I'm starting to doubt my own memory and sanity.

I've been noticing a trend where my girlfriend is constantly denying / arguing pretty much everything when we have disagreements and misunderstandings. She doesn't seem to give any play, or accept fault or apologize in anything we talk about, and it's making me think that I'm a total a-hole boyfriend for always being in the wrong. This has been getting worse for the last 2 years.

I think that she changes/omits details to prove her points and be right. I don't know if she does it consciously, since it happens so naturally. Sometimes she makes a mistake but always seems to be able to engineer the conversation in her favor, leaving me feeling I'm wrong.

The arguments are about anything and everything. A few days ago I went as far in admitting that I was completely wrong, that I loose my patience too quickly, need to work on it and other things, apologizing, etc. Even then, she controverted me. I tried to reason with her, I was admitting fault, yet she opposed it all. This was an extreme case, but her general attitude is similar in many disagreements. She will deny and refute so often, even when it's a simple black or white situation where the answer is clear. The few instances where she admits being wrong, she will accuse me of yelling, raising my voice, being short, always finding something to pin down on me.

To others, this may seem like bickering, but it is starting to take a tole on the relationship and my mental well being. I am finding myself getting enraged when I go away to cool off after these arguments. I whip things around the room, break them, and think of leaving the relationship. I don't do it in front of anyone, but it's still very embarrassing. (I never think of being violent towards her or anyone else, and never am.) In the end, I always seem to be the one to go back to her to apologize.

I really feel as though I have to be the one to change for her, and it just makes me more angry. I remember Dr. Laura saying that you cannot change anyone, that you can only change yourself. How do I learn to do this and not be so frustrated about it? How do I learn to just let go of the small things and let it be?

 
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Old 07-07-2012, 02:50 PM   #2
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Re: Girlfriend argues everything, even when I admit I'm wrong.

There are many reasons I think are related.The economy,the higher shumen frequency.Its rising for the first time in recorded history.So,My guess,its the 2012 year disorder.I really hope you two find some common ground and enjoy each other.Good Luck

 
Old 07-07-2012, 08:01 PM   #3
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Re: Girlfriend argues everything, even when I admit I'm wrong.

Do you love her enough to spend the rest of your life walking on eggs? She sounds narcissistic and what she is doing is making you doubt your own sanity. Look it up and see what fits. She will never change, this is who she is. My ex- daughter in law was just like this, and dumped him out of the blue and blamed him; Took up with another man immediately and (we hear) is doing the same things to him. My son is not a fighter and gave her everything she wanted so he never really engaged with her stuff. It did him no good in the end, and nothing you do will work either. Sera

 
Old 07-07-2012, 08:18 PM   #4
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Re: Girlfriend argues everything, even when I admit I'm wrong.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
Do you love her enough to spend the rest of your life walking on eggs? She sounds narcissistic and what she is doing is making you doubt your own sanity. Look it up and see what fits. She will never change, this is who she is. My ex- daughter in law was just like this, and dumped him out of the blue and blamed him; Took up with another man immediately and (we hear) is doing the same things to him. My son is not a fighter and gave her everything she wanted so he never really engaged with her stuff. It did him no good in the end, and nothing you do will work either. Sera
Good advice.Drama in relationships is a red flag

 
Old 07-07-2012, 09:08 PM   #5
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Re: Girlfriend argues everything, even when I admit I'm wrong.

I've had a similar problem. It just seems like she likes to argue or something. She can't admit her faults, and that's a big character flaw. If you tell someone "Hey, you're being really selfish right now" and they can't see that they are, and instead of thinking they immediately snap back with rage....yeah then there's something seriously wrong!! I used to always feel like I was wrong in fights with my boyfriend, now I've come far enough to just back away after one and if I'm wrong I'll say that I'm wrong, if I'm right, he'll usually apologize first. It's not bad to argue, people argue, that's just how relationships go. What's more important is how you bounce back from the fight. When you fight with your best friend at the end of the fight there's no feelings of resentment left over, you just hug it out and laugh and things are back to normal. That's how a fight with your significant other should be.

I don't necessarily think that you should leave her. I think that you should confront her first, and tell her how you're feeling. Tell her that you've had it up to here, and if things don't get better, you're thinking of leaving.

 
Old 07-08-2012, 04:12 AM   #6
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Re: Girlfriend argues everything, even when I admit I'm wrong.

My relationship sounds similar. I have trouble admitting I'm wrong sometimes, but it's more often than not because of the way my boyfriend brings things up to me. He puts me directly on the defensive just by how he approaches things. He talks a lot in accusatory 'you" statements rather than more neutral 'I' statements. And things are always getting confused in arguements because he puts his feelings on me as though they were inate characteristics about me that he doesn't like. But he's more the one who will say something and when I start fighting back and/or confronting him about the things he says, he'll tell me it's not even what he said. I'm convinced he has mental ideas going on and isn't really verbally expressing himself well to match those thoughts in his head because I even went so far as to quote him immediately after he finished speaking a sentence one time, and he looked at me and with conviction told me that's not what he just said. So I'm fed up with that. I think we both have issues we could definitely work on being better at for one another, and there's reasons I love him and want to try and make the relationship work. So, instead of breaking up we've agreed to go to couples counseling. It's all in what matters to you that determines your next step. If there's more good than bad in the relationship and you are both willing to get a mediator of some kind involved to help sort things out, then go do that. If not, all you can take responsibility is for yourself. If she is unwilling to go get help either alone or alongside you as a couple, then it might be sad to say that there's not a whole lot you can do other than live miserably in the relationship and get dragged around a lot, or else leave. Neither decision is easy to make at first, but you really have to take care of yourself and do what will ultimately be best for you in the longrun. She doesn't have a right to change you, nor do you have a right to change her.

If you go to counseling with her and things ultimately aren't working out, even after doing that, then it's definitely time to leave.

Last edited by jenga890; 07-08-2012 at 04:17 AM.

 
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