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-   -   Should I let my bf go? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/908781-should-i-let-my-bf-go.html)

Oompah 07-09-2012 08:57 PM

Should I let my bf go?
 
To preface, I am 22 and have fibroids among other things. Some days I feel alright, but other days I am practically bed-ridden. Even things such as getting dressed is difficult. I have the most amazing bf and he's always been there for me. He always helps me with whatever I need, everything from helping me get dressed, to shower to hygiene needs (sorry if TMI) and I have appreciated all of it, and he has not complained once.

But I just feel absolutely terrible. He shouldn't be having to deal with this at all. I'm on some meds and changed my diet to help but it hasn't done much good. I feel that it's wrong of me to keep him knowing that he has to do all this. I love him so much and he says he doesn't mind but I sometimes feel I should let him go to meet another woman that is in much better health and can go do things with him that normal gfs do with their bfs :(

I just feel so gross and nasty and don't feel like I deserve him.

Seraph 07-09-2012 11:44 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Why all this talk about "letting him" go/see other women yada yada. He is not with you because you are making him be. It sounds like he really loves you and is a person who thrives on being needed. As long as he also knows that you love and appreciate him he will be happy. If he ever becomes unhappy, I am sure you will know it. Sera.

Whynowthis 07-10-2012 12:06 AM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
[QUOTE=Oompah;5016087]To preface, I am 22 and have fibroids among other things. Some days I feel alright, but other days I am practically bed-ridden. Even things such as getting dressed is difficult. I have the most amazing bf and he's always been there for me. He always helps me with whatever I need, everything from helping me get dressed, to shower to hygiene needs (sorry if TMI) and I have appreciated all of it, and he has not complained once.

But I just feel absolutely terrible. He shouldn't be having to deal with this at all. I'm on some meds and changed my diet to help but it hasn't done much good. I feel that it's wrong of me to keep him knowing that he has to do all this. I love him so much and he says he doesn't mind but I sometimes feel I should let him go to meet another woman that is in much better health and can go do things with him that normal gfs do with their bfs :(

I just feel so gross and nasty and don't feel like I deserve him.[/QUOTE]

You are so young to have to go through so much pain. I suffer from
pain on a daily basis so I can relate. I just hate to see someone so young go through this. I think Sera is absolutely right. I think your boyfriend is there because he wants to be. I think you should just be happy and thankful (I'm sure you are!) that he's there for you. Don't stress about if you think you are being a burden, that only makes matters worse. Sounds like you've got a great guy, so I wouldn't go throwing him away!
Also, back to the pain issue, maybe try a pain management program. They have so many different options to treat pain, not just necessarily pills, maybe something could help to make things more manageable? Good luck!!

Oompah 07-10-2012 02:47 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Thanks everyone. I know you're right, I just feel guilty that I can't be the healthy woman he deserves. He is sweet but he shouldn't have to do all this, like the gross hygiene stuff and I just want what's best for him.

raziel1687 07-10-2012 04:52 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Absolutely not, he's a keeper!!! If he didn't want to be with you, and if it was bothering him to help you out as much as he does, he wouldn't be with you and he wouldn't be helping you. And besides, when us women get older, we all need a good man to take care of us. And you don't deserve to be alone and single just because of a health condition that is not your fault.

If anything, you can show him in your own way how you appreciate him, and to pay him back for his favors so you don't fee so bad about it.

The worse thing that can happen is for a woman to let a good man go because of her own insecurities. And that will cause him problems if he's thinking "I worked so hard to keep my woman happy and did everything for her, but then she breaks up with me? I don't understand." If he's satisfied with taking care of you and loving you, then you should be to. No reason to complicate things, if he's happy, and you're happy, then why?

tattoogirly 07-10-2012 06:08 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Your boyfriend sounds like an amazing human being. I can understand feeling guilty that you are being a burden on him, but you really ought to work on this insecurity. Many, many men would walk the second stuff starting getting hard, but your bf has CHOSEN to stay and be a rock for you. Focus on this and you will see that you are not making him stick around, he is choosing to be with you. Also, maybe making it a point to do things for him (when you can) will help you feel like you are also an active member of the relationship. You are a lucky, lucky girl and you should count your blessings!

Oompah 07-11-2012 01:41 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Thanks everyone. I know I'm lucky, I just keep asking myself why he does this, why I deserve this.

Guy345 07-16-2012 10:21 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Wow that's amazing, don't let him go.

Oompah 02-10-2013 01:03 PM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Hey I know it's been awhile but wanted to give a quick update: Still dealing with my many health issues. Things really aren't much better but they aren't that much worse either.

Still with my bf and he has been as patient as can be. We talk a lot, and sometimes I still feel guilty. Just going out he sometimes needs to help me with stuff like the restroom and whatnot. It's so difficult for me and for him but he says he doesn't mind.

metalzombie 02-11-2013 06:40 AM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
[QUOTE=Oompah;5017319]Thanks everyone. I know I'm lucky, I just keep asking myself why he does this, why I deserve this.[/QUOTE]

Everyone deserves a special person to love them. You are no different in that respect. Don't ask why and enjoy that he does and appreciate him.

NLRJD 02-13-2013 06:48 AM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
[QUOTE=Oompah;5016087]To preface, I am 22 and have fibroids among other things. Some days I feel alright, but other days I am practically bed-ridden. Even things such as getting dressed is difficult. I have the most amazing bf and he's always been there for me. He always helps me with whatever I need, everything from helping me get dressed, to shower to hygiene needs (sorry if TMI) and I have appreciated all of it, and he has not complained once.

But I just feel absolutely terrible. He shouldn't be having to deal with this at all. I'm on some meds and changed my diet to help but it hasn't done much good. I feel that it's wrong of me to keep him knowing that he has to do all this. I love him so much and he says he doesn't mind but I sometimes feel I should let him go to meet another woman that is in much better health and can go do things with him that normal gfs do with their bfs :(

I just feel so gross and nasty and don't feel like I deserve him.[/QUOTE]
[FONT="Georgia"]
So much loving pain in one post!

If you love him, then surely you respect him.

If you respect him, then why can't you respect his ability to decide for himself whether he wants to hang out with you, or with someone else?

Obviously he has chosen to be with you, and to show some real commitment to you!

Maybe he just happens to be more than merely in love with you - maybe he just so happens to love YOU - warts and all. And although that may not be the sort of 'love' we see much on TV or in commercials, I'd rather the sort of love you two obviously share than the commercial type any day!

I myself have trouble accepting love and support from others - I am not so fortunate to have a significant other as devoted as yours - so maybe this is a challenge for you - to learn to accept love and support, even though you feel awful about it, and from reading your post, unworthy.

No one - not one human being - is unworthy of love.

In suspect that your boyfriend is fully aware of what he is doing - and he chooses you and your health issue over any other 'normal' person any day.

And what do you mean by 'normal' anyway? In all of my life I've never so much as [I]heard[/I] of a single, solitary, 'normal' person. There ain't no such animal!

So be grateful that you are so fortunate, let him be grateful for the same reason, and accept his love with open arms (as long as it doesn't hurt to do so! OUCH!)[/FONT]

marshmello 02-13-2013 11:44 AM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
Instead of letting your boyfriend go, why not have surgery to get rid of the fibroids? I don't know your current financial/healthcare situation so this is just a suggestion. I had mine removed in 2003 and it made my life sooo much better. Unfortunately, they came back but I'm not having any problems with them this time around. Keep the man, get rid of the fibroids.

manonymous 02-16-2013 03:04 AM

Re: Should I let my bf go?
 
[QUOTE=NLRJD;5132638][FONT="Georgia"]
So much loving pain in one post!

If you love him, then surely you respect him.

If you respect him, then why can't you respect his ability to decide for himself whether he wants to hang out with you, or with someone else?

Obviously he has chosen to be with you, and to show some real commitment to you!

Maybe he just happens to be more than merely in love with you - maybe he just so happens to love YOU - warts and all. And although that may not be the sort of 'love' we see much on TV or in commercials, I'd rather the sort of love you two obviously share than the commercial type any day!

I myself have trouble accepting love and support from others - I am not so fortunate to have a significant other as devoted as yours - so maybe this is a challenge for you - to learn to accept love and support, even though you feel awful about it, and from reading your post, unworthy.

No one - not one human being - is unworthy of love.

In suspect that your boyfriend is fully aware of what he is doing - and he chooses you and your health issue over any other 'normal' person any day.

And what do you mean by 'normal' anyway? In all of my life I've never so much as [I]heard[/I] of a single, solitary, 'normal' person. There ain't no such animal!

So be grateful that you are so fortunate, let him be grateful for the same reason, and accept his love with open arms (as long as it doesn't hurt to do so! OUCH!)[/FONT][/QUOTE]

Well said. The man knows what he wants, he wants you. :D


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