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Old 07-10-2012, 10:20 PM   #1
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Angry How could this happen?

Hello. I'm new to this health board. I want to share my experience and get some opinions. I'm very, very upset. My boyfriend of almost 7 months just broke up with me. I will explain the entire story and you will see why I'm very confused.

When I first met him he told me he had a guardian (his guardianship was taken away because he had a very bad head injury that left him with Paranoid Schizophrenia). He told me he was very close of getting his guardianship back. He was in an apartment complex ( that was designed to help him with daily classes), had a job (this is where I met him, we worked together), and now had me. In the state he looked very good. After being in the system for four years he proved to the courts that he was ready to have his guardianship back. We started dating in December and he got it back in late May.

On and off he was seeing his "best friend" that was an EXTREMELY bad influence on him. I never was "allowed" to meet this man because they always had to hang out by themselves. At first he told me stories, but said he was a really good friend, so I let it go. The MOMENT he got a phone call saying he got his guardianship back our relationship went downhill. The minute his friend would call he would drop me to see him!! He got off two hours before me one day and when I got off work he said he was going to spend the whole weekend with his friend. We had plans for the weekend! Didn't invite me! Nothing!! A few weeks later he went to the casino and lost ALL his money ($900) and started smoking again. He lied about it and then he told me. I forgave him and he promised he would stop seeing his friend that he agreed with me. He was completely broke and I gave him gas money, food, etc! He promised he would pay be back and did only for half the money I spent on him!

Now, when he got his guardianship back he was suppose to get a sum of money for him that they kept. He was suppose to get around $2000. Fast forward, last Monday and it went downhill very fast!!

Last Monday he got a call to pick up his check. I gave him gas money to get there because it was in another town. We go there and he gets his money. Everything is fine that day. The next day he hangs out at my house and leaves around 3 pm. Telling me he is tired. I believe him and then I found out he was lying and hanging out with his friend again!!! I see him and we are trying to work things out. Trying to find a happy medium. I invite him to our family BBQ and he declines to spend time with his family. LIE! I find out he was with him again. He calls me that night and tells me he loves me and the very next day breaks up with me through text message!! Saying I'm too controlling and won't let him see his friend. Telling me he DOESN'T love me anymore and he is going to find someone else. Telling me to stay <removed> from him and his friend!! Just the night before he is telling me how much he loves me. His friend and his friend's ex gets on Facebook and calls me all these horrible names. Saying I deserve it! It's all my fault!! He texted me today saying "I miss you and love you. I don't want to get a divorce and last night was so much fun". That is to his ex from two years ago!!! I doubt he saw her because she wants nothing to do with him and they were never married because she was legally married at the time!!!

I can't believe this happened!! I really did love him and care about me and this hurts so bad. I have been crying so much!! I can't understand this!!!! If you have any advice that would be appreciated. I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow to help me get through this!! Thank you for reading this!!

Last edited by Administrator; 08-12-2012 at 03:52 PM.

 
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Old 07-10-2012, 10:46 PM   #2
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Re: How could this happen?

This is all too complicated and weird for anyone to handle. Definitely see your therapist, and I am sure she will tell you that you cannot change him or force him to do anything. It may be his illness making him so erratic, but the lying and abuse of your relationship is a real red flag. I think you may have o let this relationship go, it is not safe for you emotionally. I cannot see him ever being a steady partner. Sera

 
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Old 07-10-2012, 10:53 PM   #3
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Re: How could this happen?

Sera,

Thank you for your response. Yes it's very weird. Before this he would say for months that he was in love with me, the best thing that ever happened to him. He said one day he wants to marry me and have children with me. I'm on my last year of my Undergraduate degree and he promised that when I finished whichever Graduate School I would go to he would go with me and we would share an apartment together. We fought all the time, but it was manly because of his friend. I'm completely heartbroken. I really did love him and cared so much for him. None of this is making any logical sense and that's the hardest part. We would see each other everyday and would spend hours on the phone talking to each other. How does it go from that to saying I never want to see or talk to you again? When he said that on the phone I heard his friend laughing in the background like it was a joke. It makes me sick to my stomach!! It's hard to believe!!

 
Old 07-10-2012, 11:05 PM   #4
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Re: How could this happen?

I apologize if this sounds harsh, but wow. This is a really messed up situation and what is messed up about it, is that anyone would ever have a part in it. This man is obviously not stable and there are so many red flags, you have to be blind to miss all the wrong that is right in front of your face. You stated he has paranoid schizophrenia? Why in the world would you think he would make a good boyfriend or would EVER be mentally stable enough to provide anything even remotely positive for you? And this "friend"? Sounds a lot like a fellow drug user or dealer. I would count your lucky stars this man dumped you. You need to run, not walk, away from this incredibly sick situation and truly reevaluate your self worth.

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Old 07-10-2012, 11:44 PM   #5
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Re: How could this happen?

This BOY (not a man) is a COWARD!!! He breaks up with you via a text message??? Very cowardly!!!! He cant even face you to tell you in prrson?? Almost sounds like his friend sent the text since it sounds so harsh, and the friend bashes you on Facebook. I agree with the others, this is a blessing, you are truly better off without him. And that text about his ex? Sounds like the friend again. He's wanting to "twist" that knife that he already punched in your heart.
I'd change phone numbers so neither can contact you again, they are just intent on hurting you, and then just move on with your life. I know there are feelings and it will be hard but you need to be FAR away from that situation! You don't deserve that!!! You deserve so much more!!!!

 
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Old 07-11-2012, 03:57 PM   #6
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Re: How could this happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tattoodgirly View Post
Sera, I couldn't have said it better. I apologize if this sounds harsh, but wow. This is a really messed up situation and what is messed up about it, is that anyone would ever have a part in it. This man is obviously not stable and there are so many red flags, you have to be blind to miss all the wrong that is right in front of your face. You stated he has paranoid schizophrenia? Why in the world would you think he would make a good boyfriend or would EVER be mentally stable enough to provide anything even remotely positive for you? And this "friend"? Sounds a lot like a fellow drug user or dealer. I would count your lucky stars this man dumped you. You need to run, not walk, away from this incredibly sick situation and truly reevaluate your self worth.
Tattoodgirly,

You are right! I shouldn't ever put up with his bull! I really loved him and cared for him. I was completely blinded by everything! I just kept telling myself that things would get better. I kept making excuses for him. It's really sad.

 
Old 07-11-2012, 04:05 PM   #7
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Re: How could this happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whynowthis View Post
This BOY (not a man) is a COWARD!!! He breaks up with you via a text message??? Very cowardly!!!! He cant even face you to tell you in prrson?? Almost sounds like his friend sent the text since it sounds so harsh, and the friend bashes you on Facebook. I agree with the others, this is a blessing, you are truly better off without him. And that text about his ex? Sounds like the friend again. He's wanting to "twist" that knife that he already punched in your heart.
I'd change phone numbers so neither can contact you again, they are just intent on hurting you, and then just move on with your life. I know there are feelings and it will be hard but you need to be FAR away from that situation! You don't deserve that!!! You deserve so much more!!!!
Whynowthis,

You are right! What he did was horrible. I don't know if I mentioned this but he is 34 years old! I'm 22 years old, he is 12 years older than me and is acting this way! He called me once saying he didn't want to be with me and I heard his friend in the background laughing and then he hung up on me. Today he tried calling and I answered it and I heard sounds in the background and then I hung up the phone. Why can't he be a man and talk to me in person? He doesn't act this way when it's just me and him. He would tell me that he can't get rid of his friend. Their whole relationship is very weird. I'm just so sad and I'm tired of crying! You are all right! I should have seen the red flags!! I will never put myself in this situation again! Thank you for your answer!

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Old 07-12-2012, 11:15 AM   #8
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Re: How could this happen?

The answer is simple! He's cray cray....leave him! I don't think that he knows what he wants in life. He isn't going ot change fro you, but he's going to want you in his life. And he's going to keep abusing you and abusing everything in his path. He's a loser! Get away!

 
Old 07-12-2012, 08:17 PM   #9
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Re: How could this happen?

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The answer is simple! He's cray cray....leave him! I don't think that he knows what he wants in life. He isn't going ot change fro you, but he's going to want you in his life. And he's going to keep abusing you and abusing everything in his path. He's a loser! Get away!
Thank you!! I appreciate your feedback. I should have seen the red flags, but I did love him and thought things would get better. I need to understand thar i'm better off without him. It will take time, but I need to get over it!

 
Old 07-16-2012, 08:38 PM   #10
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Re: How could this happen?

Thank you to everyone that has replied. Does anyone have any other advice for me? I still find it hard not to contact him, but I know it's the best thing not to. It's hard when you put everything into a relationship and you get nothing in return. I hope one day I find. Mr. Right.

 
Old 07-17-2012, 01:27 PM   #11
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Re: How could this happen?

I'm not going to comment on what you should or shouldn't do all I'm going to say is that I'm so sorry you are in this pain and as a female I can relate to having your heart broken. I keep hearing that time heals all wounds, but almost a month into having my heart broken has not lessened it yet. I just keep hoping and praying that time will past swiftly until I can mend my broken heart, and I wish the same for you. Good luck and I really hope you find peace soon! I think being scorned makes it harder to overcome, at least that is how I feel.

 
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Old 07-17-2012, 09:02 PM   #12
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Re: How could this happen?

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I'm not going to comment on what you should or shouldn't do all I'm going to say is that I'm so sorry you are in this pain and as a female I can relate to having your heart broken. I keep hearing that time heals all wounds, but almost a month into having my heart broken has not lessened it yet. I just keep hoping and praying that time will past swiftly until I can mend my broken heart, and I wish the same for you. Good luck and I really hope you find peace soon! I think being scorned makes it harder to overcome, at least that is how I feel.
Jasmine,

Thank you. What happened to you? Unless you don't want to share. It's very hard because you love the person and care about the person and then they just walk out of your life. I mean I would spend every single day with him and now I haven't seen or heard from him in almost two weeks. It's like I never meet him. As soon as he came into my life, is as fast as he left my life. I can't understand why he said he wants nothing to do with me. Obviously, he never loved me and just used me. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't just cut them off like that. It would be too painful. I have my moments where I'm okay and then I cry at night thinking about it. I know I'm better off. At least I saw his true colors sooner, then later. Thank you for your comment.

 
Old 07-18-2012, 07:00 AM   #13
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Re: How could this happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LPJessica22 View Post
It's very hard because you love the person and care about the person and then they just walk out of your life. I mean I would spend every single day with him and now I haven't seen or heard from him in almost two weeks. It's like I never meet him. As soon as he came into my life, is as fast as he left my life. I can't understand why he said he wants nothing to do with me. Obviously, he never loved me and just used me. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't just cut them off like that. It would be too painful. I have my moments where I'm okay and then I cry at night thinking about it. I know I'm better off. At least I saw his true colors sooner, then later. Thank you for your comment.
jessica he is not emotionally healthy.....thats obvious with his diagnosis!
you can't take his actions personally.....the best thing is to move on with your life and seek out healthy relationships! It doesn't matter how much you love someone you can't love them back to good mental health.

 
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:12 AM   #14
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Re: How could this happen?

Rose,

My story isn't the same as yours but the end results is the same....broken heart! My posting is under Extramarital Phone Romance if you want to read it. It's long and twisted, and really my own dang fault, but none the less I can relate to having a broken heart.

 
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Old 07-18-2012, 08:04 AM   #15
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Re: How could this happen?

Jessica, the guy is a paranoid schizophrenic, did you expect him to be a normal boyfriend? None of his actions are surprising in the least, so I'm not sure why all of what he has done has come as such a shock to you. People with such severe mental problems don't make good relationship partners - fact. It's way too hard for a normal person to relate or deal with the kind of issues that come along with people like him. You're taking all of his actions so personally when in fact you should realize that it doesn't matter who the girlfriend or significant other is, he would have done it to anyone he was dating. And he will continue to do stuff like that because he is mentally ill.

In order to avoid these kinds of things in the future, I suggest you stay away from guys with mental problems. You will only end up getting hurt if you date those kinds of guys.

 
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