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Old 07-13-2012, 06:09 PM   #1
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Friend is always calling herself fat... But I am the fat one!

I have a wonderful girlfriend who is always calling herself fat. Since I have known her she has NEVER been bigger than a size 8, and I, well, have always been big, never smaller than a size 14. I love her to death, but this is starting to get really old. Every time she complains about how HUGE she is, I start to wonder what she thinks about me. I have a auto immune disease that has made me gain a good amount of weight over the last few years, and while I am always exercising and dieting, she is still thin and bitching! She has a kid who has started to gain weight a bit and she even talks about him and how big he is ( even though he isn't that big at all!!!) She makes me feel terrible about myself even though I am trying to get healthier. I really don't know what to do...

 
Old 07-13-2012, 06:32 PM   #2
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Re: Friend is always calling herself fat... But I am the fat one!

Tell her how this makes you feel...as in. "when you go on about you being fat, it makes me feel really bad". If she is as wonderful as you say, she will stop it.nif not, then she is no friend to you and is doing it on purpose. Sera

 
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Old 07-15-2012, 04:33 PM   #3
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Re: Friend is always calling herself fat... But I am the fat one!

I had a roommate like this in college and it was SO annoying.

I once said to her, "stop calling yourself fat...you know what fat is and you personally offend me when you talk about yourself that way..."

It should get her to shut it.
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Old 07-15-2012, 04:42 PM   #4
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Re: Friend is always calling herself fat... But I am the fat one!

Hmm. This is SO annoying.

I have always been slim as well (size 4-6) but on occasion in the past I was known to HALF joke that I was fat, if I had put on a bit of weight. I knew this was not the wisest thing to do, as most of my friends are bigger than me. I wouldn’t say it a lot, but whenever I did, I was always aware I was stepping on very unsteady ground. I didn’t reserve the “fat talk” to my thinner friends, because that I would’ve felt was implying I thought my larger friends were fat. Or some twisted logic like that.

Anyway, basically I still on occasion joke I am “morbidly obese” but it’s an obvious joke if I’ve just eaten a big meal and my stomach’s sticking out. My friends joke with me about it, and they know I do NOT think I’m fat. I would never call them fat either (because they’re not. Nobody is FAT. Everyone is just different shapes, sizes and builds). I don’t think it annoys anyone, because it’s a good natured joke.

But your friend sounds like she has issues with insecurity in terms of body image. If she truly thinks she’s fat, she is either a highly critical (including self-critical) person, has some form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or is just basing her opinions of body image on the mostly unrealistic celebrity / model media stuff we’re bombarded with all the time.

I think that’s sad for her, annoying for you and others who are also not tiny in terms of their body size (regardless of the reason, but yes, it’s even more annoying for you since you eat well and exercise. You’re probably healthier than your friend in that regard), but very worrying in terms of her child. Kids should not even be aware of body image until they’re at least young teenagers. Even that’s too early in my opinion. They shouldn’t care about weight or fat grams. Just eating nutritious food and feeling good and healthy. They get the body image bombardment early enough from the media, they don’t need it from their parent as well. Ugh.

 
Old 07-15-2012, 09:33 PM   #5
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Re: Friend is always calling herself fat... But I am the fat one!

She probably thinks that she's fat. I really don't understand why people feel so bad about being fat. If you're fat, it's because you A) very rarely, have a condition like your own B) Don't exercise regularly and/or C) Have a terrible diet. If you want to get better, you have to improve. Being fat is unhealthy, and if someone said to you "Hey stop smoking, it will give you lung cancer" You wouldn't freak out and get offended, yet if someone said to stop eating because you were going to have a heart attack at 40, you'd get offended.

Sorry for the rant....ANYWAYS

I think that you need to take her feelings into consideration. To her, she is probably fat. Even if she feels like she needs to lose 10 pounds, she still feels like she's unhealthy and is disgusted with herself. This is no reflection of you, I'm sure that she understands that your weight problems are caused by your auto-immune disorder. Next time she calls herself fat ask her if she really thinks she's fat, and why she isn't doing something to improve herself if she feels that way...

I used to weigh 250 pounds, and I had skinny friends who'd say that they were fat and I would get mad. But nowadays, I look back and think "They were fat!!" Have you ever heard of skinny fat? If you are skinny yet you sit on your *** all day, eat processed garbage, and never exercise you are still fat. To be thin (imo) you need to have toned and developed muscles, not flab.

 
Old 07-16-2012, 05:56 PM   #6
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Re: Friend is always calling herself fat... But I am the fat one!

I was skinny fat from the age of about 14 until 25, when I quit smoking and put on about 20lbs in 6 months (I was still not fat by any stretch of the imagination). I went from about 118lbs to 140lbs (I'm 5'7"). I was NOT happy with this as I'd never felt uncomfortable with my body before. I cut out a lot of the junk food I'd eaten most of my life and lost the weight in another 6 months. Never went back to a life of junk food, however I do have "pig modes" throughout the year. Vacations, Christmas, etc when I will let myself stuff my face regularly before going back to healthy again in a few weeks.

But yeah...even if these friends are "skinny fat", it's not the issue. They APPEAR skinny and yet are saying they appear fat. It is rude and annoying.

 
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