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Old 07-15-2012, 11:10 PM   #1
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22 year old daughter

I am looking for some advice with my daughter. She is 22 just graduated from college and moved back home. She has found a job but it does not pay well. Well she started dating a guy that is covered in tattoos, dresses like a punk and does drugs. It has been a constant fight since this has happened. He still lives at home and she is there everynight after work and spends the night on weekends. She drives him around for some reason he doesn't drive, we dont know why. Besides us not agreeing with this guy, she has not respect for any of us at home coming home at all hours of the night. When we told her she needed to be home by midnight on work nights (we all have to get up to work) she flipped out on us informing us that she is an adult. However, when we threatened to kick her out she has started to come home by midnight. Another example is we asked her to stay home with her brother to watch the dog one weekend while we went out of town. She ended up staying with her bf and never coming home to help out. A few months later we asked again and she did it again. This bad guy has some kind of hold on her that I don't unerstand. It's so frustrating watching her lose her friends and now she is threatening to never speak to us again if we don't welcome a drug addict into our home. I just can not accept drug use. I know the logical thing is to leave her alone and if she falls she falls. It is just very hard to do. She has become so angry with us. We told her that we do not agree with drug use and she told us that "everyone" does drugs now days and we need to quit being so conservative. She lies to us constantly where she is even though we know where she is.
So my question is do we just ignore all of this and allow her to live here with the dis respect and know that nothing good only bad will come of this relationship with this guy. I know she can not afford to move out, but should I not care and tell her to leave? My fear is she will move in with him and then we will really have no idea what is going on.
It is so very difficult to sit here every night wondering if she is going to get into trouble driving him to drug dealers, watching him do drugs, etc. I do know she does not do drugs and until him has been such a great young lady. This is not her first boyfriend but her first real bad boy which I forgot to mention they want to marry.
Any help would be appreciated.

 
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Old 07-16-2012, 02:41 AM   #2
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Re: 22 year old daughter

I make no judgements about your daughter and her boyfriend, but i do know that criticising her boyfriend is saying to your daughter "you are useless at choosing your partner". Right or wrong, this will make her defend her choice to the death. I have been in a similar place where a boyfriend's influence over my daughter was almost total. You do not have to like your daughter's boyfriend, but you cannot force her to give him up. Having said all that, i think that making her leave your house is not a bad idea. She is being pretty disrespectful towards you. Let her move in with him, i bet that a few weeks without the comforts of home to escape to, the bf's lifestyle may soon lose its appeal. She is trying to have it both ways at the moment, which makes me feel that she is not quite as invested in a permanent relationship as you fear. Be nice to the bf, meet his folks and suggest that they live there together. Sera

 
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Old 07-16-2012, 04:05 PM   #3
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Re: 22 year old daughter

I would stick to my guns, your house your rules. If she can not respect you let her move out and try living without the cushion of home. I would also tell her that she is entitled to decide who she goes out with and that you are entitled to decide who comes into your home.
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