Cannot understand friend's hurtful behaviour
I really hope somebody can shed some light on the behaviour of my male friend.
We have been friends for 4 years and have spent a lot of time together in the past.
I am one of very, very few friends he has. He has one friend in another country and a few old guys that he bumps into at the local pub (not really friends)
He is a bit of a loner to say the least and prides himself on being some geeky intellect, spends all his spare time doing quizzes and reading literature.
We became friends as a result of meeting in the pub we drink in.
I have been very kind to him over the past few years, spent a lot of time with him, listened to his problems, invited him on holiday twice with friends of mine because he would have nowhere to go on his days off etc…
He has always been there for me… accept for when I get a boyfriend!
I have had 3 relationships since I have known him and he has turned nasty and mean each time.
The 1st one, he got hold of his email address and sent him a load of lies about me, he was bad mouthing and causing trouble with the second one and now I have finally met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with… he has done it again.
I get nasty emails at work, I get drunken texts in the night telling me all my boyfriends have been LOSERS.
Each time I am single, he is so apologetic about the things he has said and done; said he does not mean any of it and does not know why he does it!! Me being vulnerable after a break up have forgiven him; I start spending time with him again, he is always in touch, asking if I want to go out and do things... he puts himself out to help me and spend time with me etc.. I get with another man and it all starts up again.
I do not understand how he can be so kind and nice, making sure I am always ok etc when I am single and turn when I get somebody else.
I know the obvious answer would be that he likes me… but in all fairness, I have made it perfectly clear that I do not see him in a romantic way and he is 100% not my type.
He has even confessed that he knows I do not want him as a partner and he understands that! He says he realised a long time ago that only see him as a mate! So why does he get so nasty?
I have never encouraged him or lead him on, I promise you guys that completely… I have not naively given him false hope either.
I am writing now in particular because it is finally getting me down.
He was showing off by email this morning about a lot of money he had come into and where he was planning on going with it etc… I was very nice with my reply…when he asked what I had done at the weekend I told him that my partner and I were busy planning our wedding, I quote his reply
“Tbh Somehow I don't believe martin is the love of your life, so all this extragavence is probably just scoring points off your exes. Anyway its your gig so do what you like. You're probably paying the bigger share?If you wanna save a bit of cash tho, don't hire glasses for the reception buy plastic cups lol you wont have to pay for breakages that way lol"
Is it just me, or was that mean? All the LOL’s, just mocking me! All my other friends are happy and excited…. That really hurt me reading that, I have never been horrible to him, not once.
It is winding me and my partner up… it does not matter what I say to this guy, he comes back always with a smart, intellectual answer that make me feel even more angry!
If I ignore him (which I have done before for weeks on end over other stuff he has done) he continues to text me and email me rubbish… sometimes normal every day stuff, sometimes nasty digs.
I really would appreciate your take on this, as I just don’t get it and I am really winding myself up in about in now.
Thank you for reading.