| | does anyone else feel not good enough? :(
Hey ladies and gents!
so here is my story.... I need some advice!
Iv been with my boyfriend for quiet a few years now where both 23yrs old and hes great most of all he supports me no matter what it is hes always there for me to talk to or just cry and get a cuddle from. but I cant conceive... we have been trying for a long time now ( 5yrs ish) and nothing.
my periods hardly ever come where in July 2012 now and my last one was 17th sept 2011 he says hes happy but I think deep down hes really hurting inside about it. im really unhappy with myself now and feel like a failure as a woman im no closer to finding out why other than my Dr did scans and said I had PCOS they did blood tests and they where fine all normal then a few years later did them again and the result was NO PCOS they didn't do blood tests then a couple of years later. they did blood tests again about 4-5 month ago and I was told I had higher testosterone levels and need to see some one at the hospital iv got my appointment next month. iv been having tests done over about 7yrs because my periods where all over. but now im just to the point of breaking I feel like I cannot do it any more. because I no even tho I cannot control it im really hurting him. I don't no what to do. iv got paranoia badly because I don't think im good enough for 2 reasons I cannot conceive is the main 1 and sometimes he walks out the door to work or even to the shop I think hes not coming back. iv told him once about it but he said I was being silly ( the walking out and not coming back part comes from my mum doing a disappearing act when I was 4 and not contacting us until my granddad died 7yrs later I was very close to her when I was young and one day she just walked out leaving a note when my dad my sister and I went out for the day (that day is my youngest memory ). she rings me now but I don't think I will ever be able forgive her for breaking my dads, sisters and my heart. so im pretty messed up and haven't got a clue what to do any more. who to go to who to even turn to. what tests to do what I can do to help myself/my body... this is a long post and im sorry I guess I just needed someone other then my boyfriend/friends and family to speak to I don't want him knowing how upset i really am and how i feel about myself. and id much rather speak to people who I don't no and who maybe understand what im feeling is anyone in the same position even from a man's point of view or am I really alone :'( any help or advice from male or female people would be great..
Thank you for reading this and any help or advice would be great on the hormone problem and also maybe how he could be feeling about the situation.
miss ladyJ xo