Re: Boyfriend's Mother Issues
Hi there Andi,
It is obvious that this is causing you a great deal of discomfort, but I agree that it is a slippery slope to tread upon.
May I ask a few questions to fill in some blanks I have? At this point, are you and Eric living together? Under what circumstances do you have to see or speak to his mother? Most of us can force ourselves to be cordial if the meetings are infrequent, or anticipated. Once the decorum has been broken though, it can be harder to reel it back in.
If I were you, I would limit any chance to have dialog with Erics mother, and if you do, do your best to leave it at the weather, or local news. Any personal feelings should be left to the imagination. Since you do not have any position of authority with Eric or his mother yet (not married), your choice to remain silent would be your best bet. If any direct inquiries are made of you, you can simply state that you "are respectively not in a position to comment" on that subject.
After all, you have not been present in any of the situations that these opinions were made, and while you have no reason to believe Eric would make any of this up, it is hearsay, and therefore right up there with gossip. I think you would gain the most amount or respect by remaining mum. From what you have described, her feelings are quite askew, and what she thinks of you is not of the most importance.
While our families can have great bearing on our relationships, it would be a shame to loose your boyfriend over his mother and grendmother. May I ask both your ages? There are other times when relationships with family can be toxic, and have a very negative effect on you both. It is up to you to determine which of these categories this one falls into. While for most of us, such a painful and disfunctional childhood would leave us scarred and alone, if your boyfriend has found a way to overcome all the obstacles that have been put in his path, more power to him.
I hope this helps you a bit...