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-   -   I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/911535-i-am-unloved-put-down-everyday-so-hard.html)

tiredandsad 07-26-2012 06:20 PM

I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
I have three grown kids. They all talk to me like I'm crap. Swearing and saying they wish I would die, or "I hope dad leaves you and you have nothing". They all expect me to drive them around, give them money, etc. My husband and I are like strangers. He went and bought a property without consulting me and he now takes off every weekend by himself (i think). We have no sex life and he watches porn to get his fix. Everyone tells me what a bad job I do. "the house isn't clean enough"

There is no joy in my life only duty. I shop, cook dinner, do laundry, etc. There is no affection and no love in my life. I feel like my kids are some kind of guilt tripping bloodsuckers who just want me to do for them until I keel over dead. I have lost myself. I have no life and when my kids abuse me " you are the worst mom ever" and I tell my husband, he says something like "you think you are so innocent, but you can be very condescending. It takes two to make a situation" The kids don't talk to me that way - implying it must be ME that is the problem. I hate living here. Everyday is hell. I want to escape. Am I the only mom who suffers this abuse.

I honestly don't know why I ever had kids. They have brought me precious little other than grief and sadness. I must be an abomination.

Phoenix 07-29-2012 04:55 AM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
Hello tired and sad and welcome to the boards.

Times like this leave you with very few healthy options to consider:

1. Consider couple's therapy,family or even just for yourself,as the lasting effects of abuse can be damaging.

2. Contemplate divorce,or at the very least a separation.The boys can go with their father,as they're need to be inconsiderate is evident. At last he has a place to retreat to,if you consider separation

3. Accept things for what they are...at least you know what to expect from them,on a routine basis.(not the best option)

4. Speak with your husband and have the boys find other living arrangements. If they won't respect you,maybe they'll respect a landlord with rules and regulations.

If it's not broke don't fix it but if it is,get things repaired ASAP;before the situation gets worse.

They're breaking you down and it seems not to bother them at all.

At this point you need to look out for your own well-being.

Please keep posting as often as you feel and know,just as I stated in the top of this post,you're welcome here,always.

Respectfully
Phoenix

Chrissy26 07-31-2012 09:50 AM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
I just want to say that I am so very sorry you go through this kind of disgusting abuse. I can't even begin to imagine what you feel like. I think it's time for a divorce, time to walk away from your children, they are adults and they only use you. They show absolutely no appreciation for you. Your husband is NOT there for you and you can do so much better without him and THEM in your life to only bring you down. It's time to do for YOU. Get out on your own if you can afford it. If not then if you have any close friends then maybe move in with one of them for the time being? There's places out there that offer help to people in your situation. I would leave them and never look back. When your children have children of their own, I hope they get the same kind of treatment and they finally realize how horrible they treated you. I am so sorry.

tula12 07-31-2012 03:42 PM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
Time for a change, you have four children (hubby included), but they are grown. You need counselling to get past the abuse you are suffering.
At the very least, put every one out to the curb and make a change. You are not a doormat and you are not a whipping post. This happened to me too, so I know how you feel.

tula12 07-31-2012 03:50 PM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
I went through this type of scenario, once I got my self together, the husband got kicked to the curb. Then I told the kids I loved them but gave them a hard date to be out of my house or they would find the locks changed. The looks on their faces were of pure shock, but they were all out by the date I gave them. I keep repeating... I am not a doormat or a whipping post. The kids and I are getting along pretty good, the husband is now an ex and I couldn't be happier.

paddymax 07-31-2012 08:23 PM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
just so you know if i had a mom like you i would hug you everyday

Kszan 07-31-2012 09:45 PM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
You're such a better person than they are and you're a really, really great mom. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But I'm in agreement with the others that you need to leave that situation and find a healthier environment. You deserve way, way better than this, that's a fact. I hope that you have the means and the willpower to get away from there and find people who will love you and appreciate you.

Chrissy26 08-01-2012 05:35 AM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
[QUOTE=paddymax;5031560]just so you know if i had a mom like you i would hug you everyday[/QUOTE]

I'm thanking you for saying such a sweet thing to that woman. :)

tiredandsad 08-01-2012 07:01 PM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
[QUOTE=tula12;5031371]Time for a change, you have four children (hubby included), but they are grown. You need counselling to get past the abuse you are suffering.
At the very least, put every one out to the curb and make a change. You are not a doormat and you are not a whipping post. This happened to me too, so I know how you feel.[/QUOTE]
thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and respond to it. Sometimes I just don't know where to turn and that's how I found this board. I'm totally new to this. I have been seeing a psychiatrist because I have (obviously)depression but he is honestly useless. I need to keep trying to reach out I know. Unfortunately I am stuck. Very few life skills(my choice to "stayhome")but it has ltd.my options.

paddymax 08-02-2012 11:00 AM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
[QUOTE=tiredandsad;5032256]Unfortunately I am stuck. Very few life skills(my choice to "stayhome")but it has ltd.my options.[/QUOTE]

Ur never stuck only if u think that way
And u can alway's learn new things just try
if it doesn't work try again
till u get it right just never give up
and do the things that make u happy

and remember there is never a limit if u put ur heart&soul in it

Kraos 08-03-2012 12:57 PM

Re: I am unloved and put down and everyday is so hard
 
Hi there, read through the thread and i think it's horrible that you've been treated the way you have, i'm 21 and would never treat my mother that way.
I've been in a job for a while feeling stuck because of messing around at school/college etc and as you're saying you feel stuck and have limited options i'll say this.
I read a couple famous quotes:
‘Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.’ – Albert Einstein
‘You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.’ – Wayne Gretzky
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.’ – Lao Tzu

I found those inspired me to do something, i'm now going to be studying medicine at uni. It's never too late.
Hope the quotes inspire you as they did me.


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