My boyfriend and I have been together a month today. I really care about him and he really cares about me. Well he says he does. He makes me super happy and whenever he's around I can't help, but keep a smile on my face. He treats me better than anybody I've ever been with has ever treated me and My family absolutely adored him. I could actually see this lasting. Unlike my past relationships.
Starting a couple weeks ago though, his ex messaged him on Facebook. She said she had been in the hospital and since then they have been messaging each other. Last weekend, I looked at the message on his phone when he checked it, but it turns out that he deleted everything except what they had just started talking about. Last night, I got the feeling that I needed to check his phone so I did and he had deleted his call log, some of his text conversations, but I didn't check his Facebook. I felt like I really needed to, but didn't. Well later I saw he had messenger up and I asked who he was messaging but he wouldn't tell me. So I tried taking his phone, but he wouldn't let me have it.
Right before he left, he took me to my room and asked me why I was acting the way I was. I told him I was fine and he goes,"It's because I wouldn't let you see my phone isn't it? Baby, you need to quit being paranoid. You don't have anything to worry about. I don't want to be with her. She cheated on me and lives 12+ hours away. You need to understand that I just broke up with her in May through a text and I have no closure. I still thinks about her a lot. I don't wanna be a cold hearted ******* and quit talking to her for good."
I don't want him mad at me if I made him quit talking to her, but he said he would if I didn't quit getting paranoid. I wouldn't be if he didn't delete everything before I saw it or hid things from me. I'm scared that him messaging his ex means they aren't over and that I'm just a rebound. Or that they are going to get back together. Help!!! What should I do??
You have been together a month and you are already checking on him like this?? That is pretty paranoid, and if i were him i would be erasing my messages as well. If you can't take his word then leave. He has a bit of unfinished business from his last relationship. My advice is to let him deal with it and get it out of the way before you officially become a pair. Control the paranoia, it is not a good look. Sera
My boyfriend and I have been together a month today. I really care about him and he really cares about me. Well he says he does. He makes me super happy and whenever he's around I can't help, but keep a smile on my face. He treats me better than anybody I've ever been with has ever treated me and My family absolutely adored him. I could actually see this lasting. Unlike my past relationships.
Starting a couple weeks ago though, his ex messaged him on Facebook. She said she had been in the hospital and since then they have been messaging each other. Last weekend, I looked at the message on his phone when he checked it, but it turns out that he deleted everything except what they had just started talking about. Last night, I got the feeling that I needed to check his phone so I did and he had deleted his call log, some of his text conversations, but I didn't check his Facebook. I felt like I really needed to, but didn't. Well later I saw he had messenger up and I asked who he was messaging but he wouldn't tell me. So I tried taking his phone, but he wouldn't let me have it.
Right before he left, he took me to my room and asked me why I was acting the way I was. I told him I was fine and he goes,"It's because I wouldn't let you see my phone isn't it? Baby, you need to quit being paranoid. You don't have anything to worry about. I don't want to be with her. She cheated on me and lives 12+ hours away. You need to understand that I just broke up with her in May through a text and I have no closure. I still thinks about her a lot. I don't wanna be a cold hearted ******* and quit talking to her for good."
I don't want him mad at me if I made him quit talking to her, but he said he would if I didn't quit getting paranoid. I wouldn't be if he didn't delete everything before I saw it or hid things from me. I'm scared that him messaging his ex means they aren't over and that I'm just a rebound. Or that they are going to get back together. Help!!! What should I do??
I think that being a couple for a month is a short period of time to worry about text messages from his old girlfriend. Has he been doing this the entire month you have been together? Its time to establish some trust encircled into this relationship in order not to build up resentment toward each other. I know its difficult when another girl from his past is still apart of is life, but in order to enrich each other lives the fact reamains, when one doesn't trust the other things can get heated and go downhill quick. I am, however, alittle confused as to why he says he thinks of her alot since there wasn't any closure. Maybe I am just looking out for your well being, but I am doubtful that he is completely over her. You should ask him if he still wants to be with you, or does he still think the other girl is the one for him. Does he have a child with her? I ask this because, of course your child's parent is going to have to keep some sort of contact with the other party. I say this with an open mind to take care of yourself, and proceed with caution about the remarks he is making about his ex girlfriend.
He started doing this two weeks ago. He says he wants to be with me and that he will quit talking to her if I continue to be so paranoid. He says he doesn't want to be with her because she cheated on him and lives 12+ hours away. No he does NOT have a child with her. I have never said anything about his ex.
The only one I agree with here is rosequartz. I can't believe everyone else is saying you are too paranoid and it's too soon to be questioning him. I would be just as upset if I'm dating someone whether it be a month or a year and he's talking to his ex. There's a reason for why he's talking to her and he even said it's because he never got closure. He's prolly trying to figure out if he still has feelings for her. You can end up hurt in the end. I wouldn't allow it to happen to yourself if I were you. I know I already replied to your other post about this but I didn't see this one so I'm replying to this one as well. He's giving you reasons to not trust him and to check his phone. I think you should let him go.
Ask yourself this. If you want to establish trust with a person, do you a) do things that make you trust them or b)do sneaky things and just tell them to trust you?
It's pretty clear that he still has feelings for her. Whether you put up with it or not is clearly your decision. You've been together for only a month and things like this are happening? Ex's typically linger around because the person hasn't established a firm boundary or isn't over them.
If I were in your bf's situation and an ex text/call/e-mailed me, I'd let you see everything that was happening because I am in a relationship with you and I need to establish trust that nothing is going on.
Good luck!
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Last edited by baffomet; 08-01-2012 at 11:27 AM.
The Following User Says Thank You to baffomet For This Useful Post: dixibell143 (08-01-2012)
Although I think deleting texts from only her is suspicious, in truth checking his phone and facebook messages is unhealthy for you and your bf. Does he delete text from other people? If so, then it's just a habit.
I would sit down and have a calm, rational talk to find out where his head and heart are and explain your discomfort about his contact with his ex gf.
If he confirms what he already told you, then stop worrying. Worrying won't prevent anything from happening anyway so try to enjoy your time together. If he isn't being honest, you will be better off without him. Sounds easy, but I know when you're in the middle of a situation things aren't that easy.
I hate to say but when someone comes out of a very painful relationship, even if they've chosen to move on, the pain is still there. You may very well be the rebound for this guy or maybe you could turn out to be the love of his life.....no one knows at this point and only time will tell. My advice is to let him have his secrets for now, he is dealing with a heartbreak and IMO the only person that can answer his looming questions or possibly help him to put things into prospective is his ex. Are they saying things to each other that you wouldn't approve of?...........Possibly. Are they talking more often than you realize? ..............I would say so. Will he leave you if you don't give him his space and time to heal? ...............Chances are really good. Will he go back to her or stay with you?..............Only time can tell, but my main point is that you have to let him discover what it is he wants and needs and you have one of two choices in the meantime. You can move out of the way and let him deal with it on his own, or you can suffer in silence while he stays with you but talks to her (personally I'd hit the road until his issues are dealt with), but anyway....good luck and keep us posted.
Miss Incredible
