Iíve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and Iím thinking that maybe itís not going to work out. There is a back story here. We were engaged afte 3 months and he broke it off because we had a really bad argument and we had argued basically since right after we got engaged. I was going through some personal issues and then we were stressed about the wedding and paying for it and things just blew up. We were broken up for two weeks and then decided to give it another try but it still doesnít seem like heís back to loving me as much or the way he used to. He used to be the sweetest man in the world. I just canít expalin it. I was a priority to him and now it just seems like Iím an inconvenience in his life. He tells me he loves me just as much as he used to but his actions do not show it. Now Iím scared to argue with him because I don't want him to break up with me again. We are no longer engaged and he returned the enagement ring. That hurt me so much and I know deep inside I still don't forgive him for that. I understand if we were both stressed and needed a ďbreakĒ from eachother but the fact that we broke up completely and the engagement was called off really broke my heart. I just don't know what to do at this point. I mean I keep telling myself Iím going to give it until our 1 year anniversay and if things don't go back to the way they used to be or if I don't start feeling appreciated Iím just going to leave but I don't even know if I should give it that long or if I should just leave now.
Iím just so confused.
Can you sit down and talk about it without arguing? There is a lot of stuff going on here and maybe you are seeing everything through your hurt at the breakup. The issue of your breakup needs to be brought out and dealt with or it will poison any future you may have. This stuff will not go away, you must (both) deal with or call it quits. Sera
Thank you for your response. See the thing is is that I have brought this up and it does turn into an arguement. I've brought it up a lot when we first got back together because I wanted it to go back to normal so bad and he would get mad because he said I was pushing him. Well now it's been a couple months. We've even been on vacation together and I just feel like he's not any closer to being the man I fell in love with. I would like to bring it up again but I know we will argue. I'm trying to give him some time but it's hard. Basically, my thinking is if he doesn't show me on our anniversary that he appreciates me then it's time to let go. I just didn't know if I should wait or just cut my loses. I keep going back and forth with this and I just dont know how to bring it up without fighting.
I told you last time you posted that this was a bad idea. If after 3 months you guys were already fighting, what would happen after 4 years? You saw the "fake" him for the time when he was being nice because everyone always fakes it for the first few months. Who you are seeing now is the person he really is and as you can see he is no good. If I were you I'd boogie right now, there's no reason to prolong this charade any longer. He is showing you his true self now and as you can clearly see, you're not actually compatible with him. So you need to cut your losses and find someone new. I seriously wouldnt waste anymore time with him. He treats you like an inconvenience you said it yourself. Why stuck around for more of that when someone way better is out there?
My husband and I went through this when we got engaged. I was going through a lot of things of my own and I felt like the wedding planning was all on me while he was out with his friends. I told him about it, it led to a big argument and of course calling off the engagement. It got worse though. He broke up with me because he didn't think I loved him enough. And I hung out with some guys that were friends of my friends and yea..something horrible happened to me. But that's all details I don't want to get into. My point is, after a longggggggggggg time we did get back together and now we're married with 4 children. So things can change. And yes he was acting cold with me too after we got back together. We actually broke up quite a few times after getting back together. I too felt he didn't love me like he used to. It was like the relationship was ruined and never the same. But he did love me the same, and maybe more now than ever before since we have a family together. You can talk to your boyfriend about how you feel and if it does result in another argument, tell him "I love you so much but I refuse to be in a relationship where I gotta be afraid to tell you what I feel in fear of an argument. Imagine we did get married and I had an issue going on and I needed to talk to you? I can't deal with that. I love you but if it doesn't change and you KNOW you're not going to change it, then let me go so I can move on." Straight to the point. If he loves you he'll make the effort. In a relationship you should never have to be afraid to speak your mind. That's where the support comes in but if he can't provide that then honestly, maybe he's not the one for you?