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Old 08-05-2012, 02:09 PM   #1
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Post Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

I am making this a poll. My girlfriend promise to listen to what the majority on HealthBoards votes for.

This guy, let's name him Aztec, is driving me nuts. My gf got accepted to a Pharmacy school in South Carolina. I plan on moving out there for her after I get my situation all figured out in California.

HISTORY: My gf has trouble making male friends because they end up liking her and female friends seem to envy and hate her.

Now back to the story. As you can see, my gf does not have many true friends at all. So she started school by celebrating a white coat ceremony. This is where two campuses (2 hours away from each other) join to celebrate the new class of students. The Aztec guy is from school #1 and she is from school # 2. He noticed her at the ceremony.

Fast forward 1 month later. he found and added my gf on facebook and asked for her number. He texted her over 100 times that day trying to get to know her. In the text he wrote things like "I think you look pretty in your photo with your boyfriend" "You have nice legs" "I don't know how I woke up naked" "If he wasn't your boyfriend I would hit on you" "You are beautiful" "Of all the cool girls I met she has to be on the other campus" and this one here "We should go clubbing together" her response was "Okay I will rent a hotel because I won't drive home drunk" He writes "You can camp in my bed" <<?????

My gf says he is nice to her. She says he sends her study guides and stuff. One day, after they skyped, she tells him.."I have to go and study with my classmate (guy)...he became butthurt and says..."I would drive there right now but not if he's going to be there" (two hours away!) He stops talking to her for a few days until he finds out she broke up with me for one day (facebook status). He starts texting her in a good mood and instead of talking about school he talks about me and the breakup. Next day he finds out we got back and he got butthurt again and text her "I am going to sleep" when he doesn't want to talk or "I will have my phone off because I will study all day". My gf says he never acts like this. When she tells him she is busy, he says "I have this girl who wants to talk to me" or text her "This girl eye raped me" or "This girl cooked breakfast for me" as if he is trying to make him seem speacial and she should be with him? When all my gf talks about is me he sends her a photo of his "gf" (a very cute girl according to my gf). He left his facebook status as single and does not even have a single picture of her on facebook.

I convinced my gf he has feeling for her and for her to avoid him. She didn't like that idea as he was very "nice" to her. Finally she said she will tell him upfront. She ask "Do you see me as a friend. We can only be friends" he says "yes...well i won't lie I have slept with my female friends before" "She said ok, we can't talk with each other anymore" he writes " I figured that much" (does he not sound cocky and a jerk?), After a few days he continues to send her study guides and helpful websites, but stopped the flirts. I told her he is still up to something...she said I think he gets it now.

Later the week (this happened TWICE), her school is technologically innovated. Two campus share professors and use a live screen for lecture. Students can press a button where the camera zooms into the student face and mic gets turned on. Someone press the camera and it zoomed on my girl by accident. Later you see two students (an asian student and Aztec) pressing the camera to ask questions. I think they want her attention. We confirmed that this asian man likes her and she was surprise he was competing for her even though he had a gf. 2 weeks later exact same thing happen. But this time my gf claims the the professor was cute so those two same boys started asking question to get the professor attention, not hers. I believe otherwise. I ask her, "did you pop up on camera again by accident?" she said yes...i said "so you only been on camera twice, and those two same students went on camera after, not before you, twice?" she said yes. I then ask do a lot of people ask questions, she said no. (Am I being paranoid here?)

Then the final thing happen that made me feel deeply direspected and why I am here. He finds out there are two opening over there at his campus and told her she should move there. She said "I have a lease here" He says "Just pay one extra month to break it" She said I have furniture and might take a while to find a new apartment. He says "You can stay over at my place (he has two guy roommates i dont think he asked for permission). She thought he was being considerate. Then she said can you find me a 1 bedroom apartment. He later found her a 2 bedroom apartment (anyone seeing where this is going? Am I paranoid or right 100% about this guy from the start? Is it that hard to find 1 bedroom apartment?)

1. Is he being a real friend or fake to get with her?
2. Does he still like her or not?
3. Will he ever stop or not?
4. Is his kindness true or for other intentions?
5. Is he disrespecting the boyfriend or not?
6. What is the best solution? She avoid him completely or not?
7. Is avoiding him cruel or not?
8. Does he sound like a jerk or not?
9. Am I thinking too much into this?

Thanks for your time!

Last edited by Code3; 08-05-2012 at 03:08 PM.

 
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:19 PM   #2
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

IMO, you're not asking the right questions. To me, the important questions are:

1. How does your girlfriend feel about this guy Aztec?
2. How does your girlfriend feel about you and her relationship with you?

If she's 100% in love with you and 100% committed to your relationship, no one could come between you, no matter how hard they try.

Also, I don't think the solution is to try to keep her from having "guy friends".

If she is 100% into you, she can clearly explain to this guy Aztec that she's in a committed relationship with you, and if he can't accept that, they can't be friends. But if he can accept it, you will just have to trust her. Unless she's cheated on you in the past, you should be able to trust her if you truly love her.

 
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:49 PM   #3
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

I agree. Your gf is an adult and she is the one who should be telling this guy where to get off. You make it sound like she has no will of her own and is there for the stealing. She is not telling this man to get lost and that makes me wonder about her commitment to you. Either you trust her or not, but nobody just steals a person as if she were a car or other possession without their consent. Sera

 
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:18 PM   #4
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

Can't add much more to what's been said already. Your gut feeling about this guy is right on so don't let her flake about it. Either she tells this guy she is 100% not available for gf material or else they can't be friends. End of story.

 
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:25 PM   #5
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

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Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
Can't add much more to what's been said already. Your gut feeling about this guy is right on so don't let her flake about it. Either she tells this guy she is 100% not available for gf material or else they can't be friends. End of story.
She told him once before. I don't understand why he is BACK AGAIN and wants her to go through the trouble of moving to a new campus and said things like "you can sleep here" or "I found you a two bedroom apartment"

My girlfriend needs to know if this guy is a real friend or not. Can anyone confirm this?

My girlfriend loves me and I love her just as much back. Our history goes way back to high school where I did made one horrible mistake. She is giving me a second chance to make things right and I have been very good to her and she tells me that. So there are slight trust issues and that is why I am proving to her I love her. On top of that being coast to coast, the relationship makes it that much harder and I still stick through. I support and help her in school, help her drive to the east coast, help her with buying furniture and settle into a new apartment, provide lots of emotional support, fly to visit, and eveything else in between. Sometimes we get into arguments, but I feel Aztec is there to wait for an opening or start a new scheme. I don't like the fact he's pretending to be a friend to get close to her (That's how I feel). He does have a girlfriend and I think that says a lot about his character.

It comes down to this. I feel like I am earning back her trust by building it one brick at a time and Aztec comes out of no where and disregard our relationship and is in the process of knocking down the brick wall I work so hard to regain. I believe he is using my girlfriends trust and desperate need of friend to get close.

We can't confirm if this is true. But with all the info, I think we can come up with an opinion and that's what my girlfriend is asking for. We will make a decision on the outcome of this poll.

Is he trying to work his way up to her?

Last edited by Code3; 08-05-2012 at 04:47 PM.

 
Old 08-05-2012, 04:33 PM   #6
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

Well I mean, I don't think anyone here can confirm what this guy is thinking, we don't know him and don't have ESP. But you are absolutely right that he is being very suspicious with his comments and actions so you should totally be concerned! I think it would be a huge mistake for her to move there because despite what you say about her, it sounds like she might be persuaded by him to take this a step further. She needs to keep this friendship on a strictly platonic level with all of her comments and actions or else he is going to take advantage of the situation. I don't buy his lines about "just trying to help" or "just being friendly" because YOU know yourself, being a guy, that guys don't make comments like those to girls unless they are interested in them as more than friends. You know this, come on, you're a guy, you know how guys think! If I were you, I'd seriously keep an eye on the situation because he is just waiting for the chance to get at her.

 
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:34 PM   #7
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
Can't add much more to what's been said already. Your gut feeling about this guy is right on so don't let her flake about it. Either she tells this guy she is 100% not available for gf material or else they can't be friends. End of story.
Thanks for all inputs. Our story goes way back to high school and gets very complicated. I have made a horrible mistake in the past 7 years ago and she is giving me a second chance and I have been very good to her in many ways and she knows it. My girlfriend loves me and I love her just as much back. But there are slight trust issues she is having with me and I am working my butt off to prove to her I will never repeat the past again. The trust is being built back one brick at a time and I fear Aztec is sneaking his way in to demolish my wall of bricks. That's the only problem I have now and I am here to ask if that is true because my girlfriend thinks otherwise.

I truly believe he is waiting an opening or initiating a plan (especially with the moving school advice) and I don't like the fact he's pretending to be a friend to get close to her. He does have a girlfriend and I think that says a lot about his character. She told him once before that friends won't work. I don't understand why he is back AGAIN and now wants her to go through the trouble of moving to a new campus and said things like "you can sleep here" or "I found you a two bedroom apartment"

My girlfriend needs to know if this guy is a real friend or not. Can anyone confirm this?

 
Old 08-05-2012, 05:01 PM   #8
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CadenceA View Post
IMO, you're not asking the right questions. To me, the important questions are:

1. How does your girlfriend feel about this guy Aztec?
2. How does your girlfriend feel about you and her relationship with you?

If she's 100% in love with you and 100% committed to your relationship, no one could come between you, no matter how hard they try.

Also, I don't think the solution is to try to keep her from having "guy friends".

If she is 100% into you, she can clearly explain to this guy Aztec that she's in a committed relationship with you, and if he can't accept that, they can't be friends. But if he can accept it, you will just have to trust her. Unless she's cheated on you in the past, you should be able to trust her if you truly love her.
1. She believe is being a nice guy and sees him as a friend. (She has been wrong about this kind of stuff that last 10+ guys)
2. She loves me, but not 100%. There are slight trust issues because of my horrible mistake 7 years ago when I was with her. I am working hard to build up the trust.

She try to explain once before, this guy come back AGAIN but no more flirting with words, only weird actions like texting her more when we broke up and getting butt hurt and making obvious when I get back with her. The advice for her to move was started by him. I ask her "Was this Aztec idea for moving" She said "yes...he told me about the opening."

 
Old 08-05-2012, 05:59 PM   #9
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

I still believe that if your relationship is strong and she truly loves you, it wouldn't matter if he showed up with 10,000 red roses, a new car and promised her the world, she wouldn't be interested. It really doesn't matter if he's trying to get with her if she tells him NO. And if he keeps trying after she tells him to stop, he's kind of pathetic.

Do you trust her to say no to any advances from him (romantic or sexual)? If you do trust her, then again, what he does or doesn't do won't matter because it won't work with her. It all depends on your level of trust of her, not whether or not she trusts you.

 
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Old 08-05-2012, 06:20 PM   #10
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

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Originally Posted by CadenceA View Post
I still believe that if your relationship is strong and she truly loves you, it wouldn't matter if he showed up with 10,000 red roses, a new car and promised her the world, she wouldn't be interested. It really doesn't matter if he's trying to get with her if she tells him NO. And if he keeps trying after she tells him to stop, he's kind of pathetic.

Do you trust her to say no to any advances from him (romantic or sexual)? If you do trust her, then again, what he does or doesn't do won't matter because it won't work with her. It all depends on your level of trust of her, not whether or not she trusts you.
I trust my girl. I love her for her honesty and if she says she won't then she won't. I don't understand why I am worried so much. It is possible that because she is giving me a second chance I don't ever want to screw up so I work too hard to build that trust and it feels Aztec is manipulating my girlfriend to ruin my last and only chance to make things right? It sucks to know I am here in California and she is over there. It's bad enough he's two hours away, but his stupid idea to move her even closer to him tells me this guy will do anything to get her at all cost even if he has to lie or deceive. I really do feel like that.

 
Old 08-05-2012, 07:32 PM   #11
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

Well look, if he convinces her to break up with you and be with him, she was never really yours to begin with, because if she had true love for you she couldn't be convinced to leave you for anyone.

If you honestly are afraid she'll leave you for him, there could be two explanations...either you've seen something (or she's said something) that makes you suspect she has feelings for him, or you're reacting to your own insecurity over the relationship. Do you think it could be either of those things?

 
Old 08-06-2012, 08:22 AM   #12
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Re: Urgent need of help with a Man I believe is trying to steal my girfriend away!

Wow, I can't believe this guy. Ok, for starters I can relate 100% to your gf. No guy could ever just be my friend. They always gotta start liking me despite the fact they know I'm married AND have 4 kids. And it's always caused problems in my friendships with females so I completely know how your gf feels. With that being said, I know when a guy likes me and if he's hitting on me. I don't know how your gf can keep denying it and saying "he's just nice". No sorry, you're NOT being paranoid and I for one think you're right about this, since day one. I agree with the first poster, btw, you need to find out if she likes this guy or not. And he says "if you didn't have a bf I would hit on you." That right there was him hitting on her, and not just that line but many other lines he's thrown at her. How come she doesn't see that?? I'm sure she does but either she loves the attention, likes seeing you jealous and upset or likes him too.

1. Is he being a real friend or fake to get with her? He's not a real friend. He simply wants your gf.

2. Does he still like her or not? Yes he does. That's a no-brainer.

3. Will he ever stop or not? I don't think so and if he does it's only because he moved on to some other pretty girl. But chances are he's going to like your gf for quite a while until she gives in. Hopefully she doesn't.

4. Is his kindness true or for other intentions? Other intentions. He sounds like a jerk. A huge flirt.

5. Is he disrespecting the boyfriend or not? Of course he's disrespecting you and he's getting his friend (the Asian kid) to disrespect you too, which actually shows lack of respect for your gf btw. They probably talk about her behind her back and she's only making herself look bad by dealing with these idiots. They don't like her the same way YOU do, where there's feelings and REAL attraction involved. They just like her because they like how she looks and they probably wanna sleep with her.

6. What is the best solution? She avoid him completely or not? She should avoid him but if she chooses not to then you know what? You should avoid HER. Straight to the point, because she's disrespecting you. If she wants him then let her go to him. If she wants you then she should prove it.

7. Is avoiding him cruel or not? No, I don't think so. He's so disrespectful. Listen, I've had guys do to me AND my husband what this *** is doing to you and your gf. Flirting with me, even went as far as to send me naked pictures. It also shows these guys didn't respect me either. When a guy likes a girl he doesn't act like that. He's treating your gf as if she's fast and easy.

8. Does he sound like a jerk or not? Completely but I think we've established that.

9. Am I thinking too much into this? No you are not and if anyone says you are is crazy. I'm sorry but you have every right to feel the way you do. Your gf needs to open her eyes. And I know she's going to read these responses so I want to tell her something:

Please don't let this guy ruin your relationship with your bf. If you really want your bf and ONLY your bf, then you gotta let this guy go. He's trying to move in on you and that's disrespectful. He's also showing lack of respect for you as well whether you see it that way or not. He talks to you in very inappropriate ways. He treats you the way a guy would treat a girl who he believes would sleep with him. And when a guy believes a girl will sleep with him, it's simply because he has a bad image of her. I am not saying you caused this image because I go through the same crap you go through. I am just saying the longer you let him in your life, the more he's going to keep doing this to you. Now, unless you're interested in him, you gotta cut him loose. Just words of advice.
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