Girlfriend of just over 3 years dumped me. It's been a month and the amount of anger and frustration that I have had every day since, is starting to become unbearable. Depression and horrible thoughts. Sorry for the long post.
Basically everything was fine until her mum got married to a guy from a different city. They've been married for a couple of months now, and the guy decided he can't keep travelling up to her mum because it's costing too much. He is trying to sell his house. It's took that long that he has decided that they (her and her mum) should move in with him. By doing this she is leaving her family and me here.
At first I wasn't too concerned because it just meant we would be in different cities. I could get the train to go and see her and we can keep in touch over the phone and using social networking sites. We had already booked a stay in London for 3 days for a concert and sight seeing. Talked about going to theme parks and also talked about what gifts we should buy each other for birthdays and Christmas.
She said she was devastated that she had to move and begged me not to break it off. It never even crossed my mind, I just thought.. It's ok it's just something else we are going to have to try and overcome, everything will be fine.
Then as I said, about a month ago she messages me saying: "Do you think something has changed between us?" I said no, apart from the fact that she had been working a lot and she had been sick. So I wasn't able to see her a lot. She then went on to say that she 'feels different' and that we need to talk. I never thought much of it, had these conversations before were we hadn't seen much of each other.
12 hours later I am awoken by crying. She is sitting at the foot of my bed. She looks at me and says "Do you know what I am going to say?"... Straight away my hearts sinks, I get a horrible feeling in my stomach and I don't know where to look.
She doesn't say anything for a while, just hugs and kisses me. Tells me that 'It's ok'. We are still going to be friends, I still love you. So I am thinking, aww crap she must be moving very soon. After more silence etc. She asks me who should go and tell my family, who are downstairs. I was a bit confused, so I said you go and tell them (I didn't exactly realize what was going on).
I walked into her and my mother mid-conversation. She looks at me and says "but it's ok, we have agreed to still be friends." That's when it struck me, I walked straight past her into the garden and just stood still. She was trying to comfort me, holding my hand, her hands holding me by the chest.
I was so confused, didn't really know what to think... I was quiet the whole time. She later said I should take my shirt off to do some work on the garden, which I declined in anger.
Not soon after she decided it was time to leave. She told me she had to go and see her grandmother (to break the news I presumed). She said to me, "Try not to be too sad." Which instantly angered me off. I clenched my jaw trying not to say something nasty.
Since then my anger has grew. She has emailed me telling me how I am not going anywhere in life and telling me how lazy I am. It instantly sparked motivation and I have changed myself ever since that email. I do work around the house, I am actively looking for a job and have tried to convince her that I am worthy. Been to her house twice, bought her flowers, cried my eyes out and begged for her to reconsider.
She tells me, I can't change. I am who I am.
I just want a second chance. She keeps telling me she needs time. She started her existing job full time and wants to get into a routine. But she is moving soon.
Every single day I think of her, I've had countless dreams about her. The thing that angers methe most, is the way she did it. Messages me and then 12 hours later breaks it off... I mean how can you make such a decision in such a short amount time. There was no build up, we weren't having a bad patch (in my eyes anyway).
I am willing to try everything to make this work. I'll visit her, I'll get a job, anything!
I get the impression her mother and new husband have influenced her because I have no job and can't pay for things. While her mum just married this guy after a year who has a hell load of money..
Everyday kills me, the frustration is horrible. So angry all the time. I still email her, trying my best not to be mean because of what she has made me feel.
I don't know what I want from this post. I needed to spill my feelings somewhere.
Last edited by Administrator; 09-01-2012 at 05:56 PM.
It's pretty common that when breakups occur that it has been building for a while on one side while the other is totally clueless that there was ever a problem in the first place. It's happened to me a couple of times where I was totally blindsided and that makes it worse cause you're left to sit there and say - what just happened?
But something that you are doing that is good is that you're trying to work on improving yourself. That's never a bad thing. However you should make your motivation to be because you want to be a better person for yourself, not just because of this girl and what she said to you. If you do it for yourself, the effects will be far more meaningful and likely to result in good things for your future. However if you're only doing it for her then it's not really true and it's kinda like a desperation attempt to keep something in your life that may not be worth it in the end and then you'll feel bad for spending so much energy but not getting the girl in the end. Do you see what I mean? It's different.
Right now you're going through the normal stages of a breakup so don't feel like you're wrong for feeling the way that you do. But keep working on improving yourself because it will truly benefit you in the long run to do that anyway.
Yeah it's very tough to deal with. I sometimes just sit there and think 'Is this even real?' and that it shouldn't of happened.
Makes me thinks that, if she had told me she was concerned earlier we could of found a way to fix it and avoid this situation.
I get so angry at times, everything negative goes through my head. Blaming myself for not doing enough in the past. Words can't describe the frustration. I just want to burst through her door and give her a piece of my mind, but I know that's not the right thing to do, no matter how annoyed I get.
All I'm going to say is let it all out baby clear the air and vent all you want on here! I think most all of us can relate to what a broken heart feels like and especially how being blindsided can make that feel worse. But I have to say that I agree with Kszan get better and improve yourself DESPITE her!
I've kept in contact with her by email (she deleted me from social networking sites after I had reacted angrily to the news, told her I didn't think we could be friends after what she had pulled).
But yeah, she basically broke it down to me that because she is moving and because of how lazy I was, along with taking things for granted. They were the reasons she broke up with me. Plus I was not exactly someone with a decent income.
I changed myself straight away, there is no way I am going to let laziness and lack of effort ruin the best thing that ever happened to me. I told her the truth, admitted I was lazy and should of been putting in more effort. Straight away phoned a job centre and got myself enrolled for actively looking for a job. Bought her flowers and wrote her an epicly long letter to show her how much she meant to me.
She tells me that I am too late, and it kills me to hear that. Literally frustrates me and makes me want to scream. She said she needs time to get into a routine with her new job and think about it. I'm trying my best to give her the time she needs but it's hard. I want to talk to her every single day but at the same time I don't want to pester her and be annoying.
She is moving to a different city but I could go and see her by train easily, it's only an hour or two away. I just hope she see's that I am going to be a better person and convince her to stay with me.
Well so far, not so good. The emails stopped and I thought to myself, I am going to be a pest if I keep doing this. So we didn't contact each other for five days, but as the days went on it got harder and harder not to try and speak to her. It eats away at you.
Eventually I had to phone her and we basically just spoke about her job... nothing really about the relationship. I just said it would be nice to see you sometime and she just gave me a 'hmmm'.
Since that, we have sent each other a few texts just talking about when the next time we should phone each other.. but she hasn't called back. Hasn't returned my last two texts either. It's been another 5 days since she contacted me and it's hurting again that I have been dumped for such a poor reason.
I know I should just take a hint and go our separate ways but it just doesn't feel right. I don't want to seem clingy or obsessed but at times I feel I am.
I'm so stressed and bored of being angry
Last edited by Administrator; 09-01-2012 at 05:59 PM.
Moose, oh gosh, I have so been there. Its been a long time ago but I have. What it took for me was to get out, socialize (as much as I HATED it) it seemed so stupid at first. But then I started having fun, dating, finally finding someone. I'd even go out by myself without my friends (I'm a female) just to get out of the house to stop thinking about it and it did help and I got over him. I guess it took about 3 months or so, maybe a little longer.
Now that I look back on it he really was a you know what and it sounds like she's going in that direction. So maybe try getting out some? With your buddies or something? Just a thought. Also, for that anger, try going to the gym and work it out. You'll look soooo good and then when she sees you again...well, she'll see. good luck, cj
Last edited by Administrator; 09-01-2012 at 06:01 PM.
Well she hasn't contacted me in a week. I've sent her a text to ask when is the best time to contact her, if at all. So that I am not being a pest And I have had no reply.
Can't stop loving me one moment. Blocks me on everything the next. How can a person do that to someone else. Especially someone has done hardly anything wrong... Dumping me, telling me we can still be friends and then purposely ignoring me?
This all could of been avoided if she just told me straight. I don't love you anymore. I would rather hear the truth than get messed about like this. It just makes it hurt even more..
Last edited by Moose2; 09-02-2012 at 03:06 AM.
Reason: Added info
Sorry to revive an old thread but I just wanted to update this.
I finally felt like I was making some progress from this break up. It has been 3 months.
She has now moved away to a different city, about 3 hours away. I asked her about a month ago if there was any chance at all that we could work this out and she said no. So I finally took the hint and just started getting into a routine. Slowly reducing my anger and sadness, until about 3 weeks ago.
She emails me telling me she can't believe the way she acted and she 'knows I will never forgive her'. She said sorry a bunch of times and kept mentioning the 'I will never forgive her' line.
I felt a bit bitter at first. Like a kind of 'I told you so'.. She said she wants to settle at her new home but still be friends and see what happens from there. I agreed.
Lately we have been rebuilding our relationship, talking a lot more. She has said sorry and just the other day sent me a letter of apology. Admitting that she was wrong for ignoring me and that I didn't deserve to be treated the way I was.
It felt good because it's like she finally realised what she was doing was very mean but now we could start over. In her letter she mentioned our future.. living together, kids and marriage. She just wants to start again.
So earlier today we were talking over the internet and she tells me to go answer my phone, she needs to tell me something.
I pick up the phone she is crying... "I need to tell you something but It's going to ruin everything." I just told her to calm down and ask what she meant.
My heart started beating really fast and I thought of the worst thing. Then she said it. "I slept with someone else." She was crying uncontrollably, trying to catch her breath.
I was in shock, she was such a nice girl. Always honest and hated the thought of any of us sleeping with another person. She said that she felt the need to tell me. That it was eating her up inside and she couldn't keep it in anymore.
I was just so lost for words.
I just tried my best to understand what she was going through. She had been forced to move to a different city, away from the rest of her family. Chose to dump me and had to quit her job.... I suppose she just felt like if she could move on that she would feel better. She said that the guy was an idiot and dumped her the day before her birthday. She kept telling me how awful she feels and the huge amount of guilt she has been carrying.
I tried my best not to show my anger or hurt. I felt like I could explode into a rage and say as many horrible things as I could. I didn't.
I don't know what to do. I love her but what she has done has sent me back to square 1. Empty, sick, angry and depressed. It's still fresh, only been a few hours since she told me.. urgh. I never thought this would happen.
I am scared that I might not look at her in the same way again. I hope that I don't but right now I'm very hurt.
Last edited by Moose2; 11-12-2012 at 02:23 PM.
Reason: Cuss word