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Old 08-24-2012, 11:58 PM   #1
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I hate my parents

i dont know why i hate my parents so much. i always treat them badly because i always feel so angry with them whenever they do or say anything for no reason at all. whenever i let my anger out, i cant stop myself, then i feel so bad after that, but i never apologize. im such a bad daughter, i give them such a hard time. it seems like what i do is compulsive, i dont stop myself from doing it but at the same time i know its really bad. maybe its because im an unhappy person? or depressed? im just never happy and i dont know the cause for that either. do i hate them because they never showed any love for each other? i knew they hate each other ever since i existed, and i found out mom was cheating on him when i was very young but it never really bothered me,well just a little i guess. i mean, theres no hope in their relationship so she just might as well find something that makes her happy. it kind of did disturb me though, what she does is wrong, but oh well.
i wish i could just stop giving them a hard time, and treat them better and stop being rebellious, i dont wanna be that person but i cant stop feeling hate towards them, they dont even treat me badly!

 
Old 08-25-2012, 03:52 AM   #2
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Re: I hate my parents

It sounds as if you are very angry at your parents. Think about where this anger is coming from. You mention that they "hate" each other. Maybe you feel that if it weren't for you, they could go their own way and be happy apart. That would lead you to feeling guilty and angry. The thing is that nobody outside a marriage can know the hidden dynamics that make a couple stay together. It is hard to control your anger when you do not address the cause of it. Think carefully about the triggers that set you off ( maybe a tone of voice, a particular expression etc) and try to work out when and why this first upset you. If you are a teenager, then maybe hormones are adding to your moods. Write a journal describing your thoughts, internal voice and stuff that happens from day to day. Maybe you will see a pattern emerging. Counselling would also help. Sera

 
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Old 08-25-2012, 06:40 AM   #3
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Re: I hate my parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by oneshot View Post
i dont know why i hate my parents so much.
It seems to me, from your post, that you actually have a love/hate relationship with your parents.

You love them because of who they are, but you hate them for how they behave and for putting you in the middle and for causing stress, depression and unhappiness in your life.

Quote:
i always treat them badly because i always feel so angry with them whenever they do or say anything for no reason at all.
I did not understand what you mean by "they do or say anything for no reason at all". What kinds of things do they say that sets off your anger?

Quote:
whenever i let my anger out, i cant stop myself, then i feel so bad after that, but i never apologize.
If you don't apologize, that means, to me, that you felt that they had it coming. It's almost like you were disciplining them for their bad or unacceptable behavior.

Quote:
im such a bad daughter, i give them such a hard time. it seems like what i do is compulsive, i dont stop myself from doing it but at the same time i know its really bad. maybe its because im an unhappy person? or depressed?
Could it be that you blame them for messing up your life? You would love for them to be a loving couple and a loving mother and father and you are frustrated because they have made such a mess out of their marriage and such a mess for you to have to deal with? You have spent your childhood having to cope with, and having to learn to cope with your parents hostile and hateful marriage. That is not easy for any child. That could leave you with lifelong scars that, sooner or later, will need professional help to heal.

Quote:
im just never happy and i dont know the cause for that either. do i hate them because they never showed any love for each other? i knew they hate each other ever since i existed, and i found out mom was cheating on him when i was very young but it never really bothered me,well just a little i guess. i mean, theres no hope in their relationship so she just might as well find something that makes her happy. it kind of did disturb me though, what she does is wrong, but oh well.
Your childhood and current life was, and is, constantly exposed to unhappy, tense, depressing family problems. That is a real bummer. You really got a bad deal. It sounds like things are not going to change. That loving, caring, nurturing family relationship, that all children cherish and need, does not exist for you.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. As a child, I thought that my family was the ONLY family that had problems. I was embarrassed. I never had friends come to my home. I moved out when I was 17 and made my own life.

There is an old say that I have frequently reflected upon: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference".

Quote:
i wish i could just stop giving them a hard time, and treat them better and stop being rebellious, i dont wanna be that person but i cant stop feeling hate towards them, they dont even treat me badly!
They do treat you badly. You obviously have suffered from significant emotional harm. Whether or not they intended any harm to you, they have placed you square in the middle of their unhappy, stressful marriage. As adults, your parents are better able to cope with, and deal with their problems, but as a child growing up, you never had a chance. You were thrust into a depressing unhappy situation not of your choice. Your anger towards them could be your way of dealing with the stress and unhappiness. In other words, your anger is your defense mechanism.

Your guilt about your bad behavior and anger just shows that you are a caring, loving, good daughter, in my opinion.

I can't advise you on what to do. Sorry. I can only tell you what I did to cope with my own family stress. After I was old enough to work, I got a job and then moved into my own place. I learned a trade that I enjoyed. The first few years on my own were very lonely. It was tough. I met someone I fell in love with; we were married 47 years ago.

Both of my parents are gone. I wish that I had kept in touch with them better, during my younger years. I did not call them enough and keep in touch enough. I wish that I had been more mature and had better coping skills when I was younger.

It seems to me that you are having your own problems because you are having to deal with, and cope with, a stressful, unhappy family life, not of your own choosing. You might want to find a way to turn your anger into a more positive direction in order to improve things at home.

If you had your choice of changes that you would like to see happen, with your family, what would they be? Are the changes realistic? Do you think that, by reducing your anger, frustration and stress, you could have a positive effect on both your parents and yourself?

Is there any way you could sit down with them and tell them "calmly" what bothers you the most; and see if they will make any changes for you that might improve things? Perhaps they just don't understand how their behavior towards each other is causing you to be so unhappy and stressed out? Could you tell them that, if they change their behavior, you would be willing to change yours?
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Last edited by Machaon; 08-25-2012 at 08:07 AM.

 
Old 08-25-2012, 07:42 AM   #4
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Re: I hate my parents

I am not the best person to answer your questions because this kind of thing hits a nerve with me. My dad recently passed away after suffering from a rare disease that he was only just diagnosed with 2 years ago. I would give up everything just to have him back again. You can't even imagine how deep of a loss it is to lose a parent until you actually go through it. My point for telling you this is that his illness and diagnosis was a complete surprise to all of us because we all thought we had a lot more time with him. You never know when life is going to throw you to the wolves and you'll be left wondering what just happened.

That's why I strongly suggest that you figure out what your problem is and set things right with your parents now while you still can. There are a million things I still needed to ask my dad and a ton of new things have happened since he died that I need his advice about but it's TOO LATE and he is gone. I miss him every second of every day and thats something that might be hard for you to understand right now but we were all taken completely off guard by his illness and it could happen in your family to. I strongly suggest you make things right with them while you can because you really don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. As my dad always said, It's later than you think.

 
Old 08-25-2012, 08:14 AM   #5
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Re: I hate my parents

I did not understand what you mean by "they do or say anything for no reason at all". What kinds of things do they say that sets off your anger?
i meant that i get mad for no reason, whenever they say anything, that i might not really like


Could it be that you blame them for messing up your life? You would love for them to be a loving couple and a loving mother and father and you are frustrated because they have made such a mess out of their marriage and such a mess for you to have to deal with? You have spent your childhood having to cope with, and having to learn to cope with your parents hostile and hateful marriage. That is not easy for any child. That could leave you with lifelong scars that, sooner or later, will need professional help to heal.

i dont know if i blame them... but i do think that their non-existing relationship did have an impact on me when i was younger. right now i dont care anymore if they have a good relationship or not because i dont like them anymore. i would have wanted to have a normal family life, going on holidays together and all, but i dont want it with them and i guess you know why


If you had your choice of changes that you would like to see happen, with your family, what would they be? Are the changes realistic? Do you think that, by reducing your anger, frustration and stress, you could have a positive effect on both your parents and yourself?

i dont know if i want to make any changes as we're all fed up having to live with each other. if i could reduce my anger it would definitely be better for both of us, me and them. but i just cant seem to find a way to stop that anger

Is there any way you could sit down with them and tell them "calmly" what bothers you the most; and see if they will make any changes for you that might improve things? Perhaps they just don't understand how their behavior towards each other is causing you to be so unhappy and stressed out? Could you tell them that, if they change their behavior, you would be willing to change yours?[/QUOTE]

i cant do that. me and dad dont even have a relationship, we hardly talk, my parents hardly talk to each other too, they never bother fighting, so that would only make the 'talk' very awkward. even if i were to sit with them and tell them how their relationship bothered me, they'd think its pathetic i think. they wouldnt take it seriously, i mean who am i kidding, theres no hope in their relationship.

thank you very much for your reply

 
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