Hi I am 21 and in a serious relationship. I love him and he loves me.
He treats me so nicely most of the time, cooking me breakfast in bed, putting flowers in a vase for me, etc, but he has a bad side.
He has a really bad temper and he makes me cry weekly. He always apologises and says he will change but we have been dating for 3 and a half months and it is only getting worse.
He gets jealous of me spending time with other friends (guys in particular). I would never cheat on him, and have never given him a reason not to trust me but he went through my messages on my phone (when I let him borrow it to make a few calls) and started an argument when he found a message from my best friend who is a guy and it had some x's on the end, it was sent well before we even started going out. This is just one thing, he broke my door handle off my car, I literally could not open the door and after 3 weeks or so I asked my dad to fix it finally. He got ****** because I had asked him to do it, the point was he broke it and I wanted it fixed 3 months ago, I even had to pay the $80 for the new handles.
I dont know what to do, when it is good it is great but when it is bad it is awful and I just dont want to be in one of those relationships where you are controlled or abused. He has never hit me but it scares me that he might lose it one day. He also has a problem with drinking and smoking herbal stuff, he is starting to cut back but it is still a big problem.
Any ideas? I do love him but I dont want to be controlled, held back from achieving my goals, or treated like crap.
His promises to change don't seem to be more than a ploy to keep you in line for another bit of time. He is getting no reason to stop this stuff. He just has to sweet talk for a couple of minutes and it is all fixed. Do not put up with it! Nobody needs to live walking on eggshells. Options - go on as usual, if he is so wonderful (but don't complain; it will be your choice); set really good standards for your dealing with him - for example, as soon as he starts up, calmly get up and drive off. Stay somewhere. Call him later and say you will only come back if he is not being abusive. The third option is to leave altogether, maybe permanently, or until he gets some anger management therapy. Show him that the consequence of his abuse will be to lose you. Stay strong, Sera
I would walk away from this one. If at this stage of the relationship he makes you cry once a week how many times will it be in a couple of years. His behaviour is totally unacceptable to check your phone and be jealous of your friends is a big no no in my book. He is abusive you can do so much better.
His reactions to stupid stuff that is really not a big deal is totally psychotic. I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you feel compelled to stay with someone who handles his anger like a 2 year old. It's not mature and it's totally not normal. He is a serious anger management problem that will only get worse and escalate. I've seen it happen with friends of mine and it started out just like this. You need to do some serious thinking about what you want your life to look like in 5 years because you'll end up the subject of a Lifetime movie if you make the wrong choice. That's the road you're headed on right now.